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Clips from The Good Place - Jason Mendoza (S01E01)

"Like a super genius."
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"I think we might be in an alien zoo or on a prank show."
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"What did you do to make money?"
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"Oh, I sold fake drugs to college kids."
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"I heard you don't talk."
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"Oh, Michael, say no more."
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"Oh, it was a perfect evening."
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"It's one of the human clothing items I'm most eager to try."
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"And a little nervous."
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"Great. I mean, for us. It's a huge bummer for her."
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"This is my bud-hole."
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"A, she's not human. And B, you have to keep"
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"And it's really hard."
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"What's up, man? You're Jason?"
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"So I'll get right to the point. I listened to your demo."
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"Talent."
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"and since this will be an evening of lively conversation,"
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"In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu wrote,"
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"I've befriended Jianyu from next door, and I thought I could learn from him."
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"Okay. This is not my fault. I swear."
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"and then blackmail him."
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"Oh, that's some poetic thoughts, B."
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"by opening this restaurant."
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"Now if you'd all like to take a look at tonight's menus..."
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"- Janet? - Hi, there."
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"So dumb."
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"a stunning three-tiered cake that took her a full week to complete."
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"we're all screwed."
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"Chef Patricia poured her heart and soul into this."
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"No, no, no! Oh!"
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"I don't want to be a DJ in Jacksonville forever."
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"I want to DJ in Daytona, Tallahassee, Tampa, even."
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"Okay, that's Acidcat's speedboat. Hand me the thing that blows it up."
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"Poor Jianyu was so terrified that I fear he may never speak again."
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"Michael,"
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"- Ah! - While you repair the universe,"
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"I shall prepare the eggs."
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"No, I'm good."
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"Wow! That's great, man! Um, I mean... It's ethics but that's great."
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"For the first time ever,"
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"I'm the smartest kid in class."
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"Hang on, hang on... You're not supposed to be here either?"
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"You're a mistake, just like me?"
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"Yeah, and I'm freaking out, dog."
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"There's so much thoughts in my brain, it's like my head is filled with rocks."
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"How have you managed to stay undiscovered? Because I have had to dodge and weave"
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"and barely escape with my life, and you don't seem..."
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"Hello, Jianyu. I'm Michael."
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"Before we start, I know you were a Buddhist monk"
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"and kept a vow of silence."
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"Would you prefer to remain silent here as well?"
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"You literally haven't said a word since we got here?"
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"Yeah. When I say I'm meditating,"
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"I'm just trying to figure out what the fork is happening."
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"No, Jianyu, we're dead."
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"Oh, that's a dope prank. Got to give it up."
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"Okay, I need to make sure that this isn't some sort of weird trap."
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"Is your real name Jianyu?"
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"No. It's Jason Mendoza."
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"And by the way, everyone here thinks I'm Taiwanese."
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"I'm Filipino. That's racist."
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"Heaven is so racist."
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"But Tahani said that you helped Michael by putting your hand on his chest"
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"and doing some sort of healing magic."
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"Yeah. A nurse did that to calm me down once"
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"when I crashed my Jet Ski into a manatee."
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"You crashed your Jet Ski into a manatee?"
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"Yeah. I'm from Jacksonville, Florida. It happens a lot."
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"What did you do for a living?"
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"I was an amateur DJ specializing in EDM."
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"Electronic dance music."
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"I was also an amateur hip-hop backup dancer,"
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"an amateur body spray inventor..."
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"Um, I did pranks on Vine."
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"None of those are jobs."
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"Okay, good."
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"Okay, here's my biggest question,"
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"how did you know that I didn't belong here?"
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"I figured it out the very first night, at the party,"
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"using my powers of deduction."
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"Well, here's something for you to not talk about."
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"I don't belong here."
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"They made a mistake."
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"Total phony."
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"So..."
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"Okay, later, man."
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"Okay. I vaguely remember that."
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"I believe you, Jason. You're not supposed to be here."
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"Welcome to the bottom of the barrel."
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"Oh, hello, Michael."
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"I was just picking out some fresh orchids"
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"for my nightly orchid bath."
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"So, Tahani, one of your fellow residents is opening a new restaurant tonight."
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"This neighborhood could use a real morale boost."
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"And since you're an expert at event planning,"
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"I was hoping that you would help with the grand opening."
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"I wasn't going to. I was done."
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"Well, good, because, of course, I will. Janet?"
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"- Hey, there. - Oh, hello, darling."
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"I would like to model tonight's event on my most successful gala."
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"That would be 2006 fundraiser for stem cell research in Barcelona."
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""Barcelona," actually."
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"Princess Stephanie was there, as were Posh and Becks."
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"You know, International Sophisticate Magazine"
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"gave us five Gwyneths."
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"Tonight, I'm going to select my jauntiest suit,"
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"and I may even wear suspenders."
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"Oh, well, good luck."
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"Thank you. Yes, yes. I'm excited."
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"I'd say that I'm cautiously optimistic."
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"I hope I don't chicken out at the last second."
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"Sorry... We are talking about suspenders, right?"
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"Like... These?"
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"You can do that with... Oh! I cannot wait."
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"Excellent."
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"So, Tahani has no idea about me?"
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"No. She thinks I'm a monk, and she thinks you're her best friend."
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"We need someplace that we can talk in private."
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"I agree."
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"Let me show you my bud-hole."
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