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Clips from 30 Rock - The Head and the Hair (S01E01)

"- So, are you gonna ask out The Head? - The Head?"
30 Rock
"There are these two MSNBC guys we keep seeing around,"
30 Rock
"It's true. He makes me nervous just to be around."
30 Rock
"No, the French maid-werewolf thing is cut. You're supposed to be Hillary Clinton."
30 Rock
"A talk show without a host,"
30 Rock
"who move into a house and help fat kids lose weight?"
30 Rock
"and I want you to get it out of here."
30 Rock
"Kenneth, please, come in."
30 Rock
"And this year, I'll be a page for a day, and you'll be my boss."
30 Rock
"They had girls dancing in cages, and not the go-go cages."
30 Rock
"Couldn't have been that great. You're on time for the first time ever."
30 Rock
"January 17th... write it down, Cerie. It's historic."
30 Rock
"Are you ready for an exciting and challenging day?"
30 Rock
"I just went down to the ATM, and it gave me a $100 bill."
30 Rock
"- So? - So it's like having Confederate money."
30 Rock
"Yes, I'm looking for... The Head?"
30 Rock
"Hi. What are you doing up here?"
30 Rock
"Yeah, you'll never get that. My name is Gray, by the way."
30 Rock
"Good, because that's what I've been calling you,"
30 Rock
"'cause Sonny used to come over twice a month."
30 Rock
"Oh, no. Dude, is this spinach?"
30 Rock
"No, I like the stuff that comes on the spinach salad,"
30 Rock
"and smack your mom for smoking crack while she's pregnant!"
30 Rock
"But, before I could, The Hair asked me out."
30 Rock
"What, the The Hair? What did you say?"
30 Rock
""Wars"! I'm sorry. You're right."
30 Rock
"- Oh, God, no. - Something is wrong with this."
30 Rock
"It's entry-level only, of course."
30 Rock
"This is an exercise in constant humiliation."
30 Rock
"You're fired."
30 Rock
"I beg your pardon?"
30 Rock
"You said I'm your boss for today, so I fire you."
30 Rock
"That's Talbot, and that's Armand."
30 Rock
"- Be right back. - Is that bad?"
30 Rock
"The hors d'oeuvres tonight are boxes of pure oxygen"
30 Rock
"infused with a saffron and a white-truffle oil."
30 Rock
"And if you're trying to harvest my organs and sell them,"
30 Rock
"- You have to take this. - No, I don't."
30 Rock
"Well, I spent most of the summer in the studio,"
30 Rock
"Did you get home OK last night?"
30 Rock
"Thank you for convincing me to go back to the party."
30 Rock
"It was fun, although I ate way too much oxygen."
30 Rock
"This is gonna sound pathetic, but I'm trying to make myself do new things,"
30 Rock
"call in sick to work and go see a movie."
30 Rock
"Good."
30 Rock
"We're both hard workers."
30 Rock
"television has provided for us,"
30 Rock
"from Walter Cronkite denouncing Vietnam"
30 Rock
"to Oprah pulling that trash bag of fat out in a wagon,"
30 Rock
"to the less-fun Winter Olympics."
30 Rock
"I wish I shared your passion for television, Kenneth."
30 Rock
"Oh, and a game show called "Gold Case.""
30 Rock
"Well, I talked to Moonvest over at CBS."
30 Rock
"How do we make your show?"
30 Rock
"I thought y'all would know where to get cameras and stuff."
30 Rock
"I think he means, "How much do you want for it?""
30 Rock
"and that's how 2006 ended. 2007?"
30 Rock
"I don't smoke."
30 Rock
"It's gross."
30 Rock
"Nice to see you again."
30 Rock
"See? It's not so bad."
30 Rock
"No, it's not bad."
30 Rock
"I keep waiting for something to go wrong."
30 Rock
"Why do you have a picture of my great-aunt Dolly?"
30 Rock
"No, that's my grandmother's cousin Dolly."
30 Rock
"Oh, my God. We're related."
30 Rock
"Oh, no. Oh, God."
30 Rock
"This is the worst!"
30 Rock
"Look, look."
30 Rock
"Congratulations. You struck gold on "Gold Case"!"
30 Rock
"That one."
30 Rock
"How come?"
30 Rock
"So, what are you, like 6'2"'?"
30 Rock
"6'5"."
30 Rock
"It's cool, isn't it? That's a Japanese Pie Watch."
30 Rock
"It tells time with those little pie pieces. Each piece is 6 minutes."
30 Rock
"So right now it's 6 times 4... 5:30. That can't be right."
30 Rock
"- Hey, that's awesome, possum. - One minute!"
30 Rock
"The point is, The Hair is ridiculously good-looking."
30 Rock
"And The Head is perfectly harmless and totally into Ms Liz Lemon."
30 Rock
"Not as much as he's into his Pie Watch."
30 Rock
"If you're serious about getting your personal life on track, you need to work at it."
30 Rock
"- OK, fine. I'll ask him out. - I win."
30 Rock
"What do you think sounds like the better idea for a new show?"
30 Rock
"just the voice of the dead lady from "Desperate Housewives,""
30 Rock
"Never mind."
30 Rock
"Is this about the Clementine I took off the actors' snack table?"
30 Rock
"- The catering lady already talked to me... - No, no, no."
30 Rock
"No, I wanted to talk to you about our corporate Bottoms-up Day."
30 Rock
"Once a year, all the senior V.P.s spend one day doing the job"
30 Rock
"of one of our lowest-level employees."
30 Rock
"Last year, I was a welder at one of our locomotive factories,"
30 Rock
"and I made this."
30 Rock
"Dude, this party was messed up!"
30 Rock
"The little dog cages that you crate pit bulls in."
30 Rock
"- That is upsetting. - That is awesome."
30 Rock
"How dare you, Liz Lemon! I'm not arriving to work."
30 Rock
"I left the party on a bacon run."
30 Rock
"Write it down, Cerie..."
30 Rock
"Oh, what's today's date?"
30 Rock
"January 17th."
30 Rock
"2007?"
30 Rock
"Aw, damn it! I knew this was gonna happen."
30 Rock
"- Morning, boss. I'm sorry I'm late. - Well, don't let it happen again."
30 Rock
"- No one's gonna take that. - Whatever."
30 Rock
"- Oh, yeah, am I doing that? - Yeah, right now."
30 Rock
"- What if I called you Glasses? - I would be fine with that."
30 Rock
"which was no help when I was trying to find your extension."
30 Rock
"Why were you trying that?"
30 Rock
"- What? - Do you want to go out with me tonight?"
30 Rock
"Why?"
30 Rock
"Because it would be fun..."
30 Rock
"and I found some naked pictures under her mattress."
30 Rock
"I knew she must have taken those pictures for her boyfriend, Sonny,"
30 Rock
"And you knew when Sonny was coming over, 'cause she would take us to the store"
30 Rock
"How many pages do we have now?"
30 Rock
"According to Wikipedia, you were discovered after doing stand-up at the Apollo in 1984."
30 Rock
"I have no memory of that. Write it up."
30 Rock
"Here is your salad and your change."
30 Rock
"Yes, you asked for a spinach salad."
30 Rock
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