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Clips from 30 Rock - The Rural Juror (S01E01)

"I can barely keep a lid on the feud between Kenneth and Dougie from props."
30 Rock
"Stop it."
30 Rock
"Audience, let me ask you a question."
30 Rock
"Seem familiar?"
30 Rock
"Bread is one of the worst things in the world,"
30 Rock
"but we've always needed it... until now."
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"By burning three different types of meat together,"
30 Rock
"the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine takes bread out of the equation."
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"Now your sandwich is all of the good stuff."
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"And it's healthy."
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"Hi. I'm Dr. Leo Spaceman."
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"I'm a working physician with a degree"
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"from the Ho Chi Minh City School of Medicine."
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"Dr. Spaceman, is it true that bread eats away at your brain?"
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"We have no way of knowing"
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"because the powerful bread lobby keeps stopping my research."
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"Well, folks, bread will never maybe attack your brain again."
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"Because with the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine..."
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"say it with me, now..."
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"Meat is the new bread!"
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"Where did you guys get this tape?"
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"Josh broke into your office."
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"You went in my office without permission?"
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"Because I'm worried about your scalp pain."
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"No. Not interested."
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"Girl writer, could you tell Liz that I..."
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"Jenna, stop this. It's stupid. Let's just go in my office and talk."
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"- Oh, there is nothing to talk about. - Stop making this something it isn't."
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"I just didn't like the movie because it's bad."
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"These guys watched it. They'll tell you."
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"- Actually, we all kind of liked it. - What? No, you didn't."
30 Rock
"Yeah. We all did."
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"It's not the best thing in the world, but it's solid, and Jenna's really good in it."
30 Rock
"Thank you, Frank. Look at her."
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"She can't stand that I'm in something good."
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"- What? Frank, shut up. - Fine. Dismiss me."
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"I can't believe you liked this movie."
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"Jeez. I hope those two work it out."
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"Relax, man."
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"As long as they're yapping at each other, we're not working."
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"Enjoy it."
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"Every person here eating from a Tracy Jordan Meat Machine."
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"Ah, cheese and crackers, that smarts!"
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"- What happened? - The grease burned me, Mr Jordan."
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"- The machine must be broken. - That one must be defective."
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"My face! My page jacket!"
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"Can somebody take me to a hospital?"
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"Jenna, stop. I just want to get past this."
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"What do you need me to do?"
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"Fine."
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"I am sorry that I assumed other people would hate the movie"
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"just because I hate it. That was wrong."
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"- That's it? That's your apology? - Yeah. Are we good?"
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"- We're good. - Great."
30 Rock
"- Do I have to wear the nose tonight? - Yes, you do."
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"OK. Well, then I hope you get bird flu and die."
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"- What did you just say to me? - You are a big fake, you know that, Liz?"
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"She doesn't even need those glasses."
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"Really? I'm a fake, blondie?"
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"I'm a fake?"
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"Were any of our people hurt?"
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"- What are we gonna do? We can't sell this. - You're right."
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"- We can't sell this... in the United States. - What?"
30 Rock
"We simply have to find a market with lax safety regulations."
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"- How about the Ukraine? - Not the Ukraine."
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"- In Volyn? - Closer to Cherkassy."
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"We'll find another country, then. How do you feel about Venezuela?"
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"I can't put my name on a product that's gonna hurt people."
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"That's disappointing, although I admire your integrity."
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"-some kind of emergency. - Crying out loud."
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"If it wasn't for me, you'd still be slutting it up for car-dealership owners"
30 Rock
"so they'd put you in their commercials."
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"- This slut slept with your brother. - Mitch?"
30 Rock
"You know he's not right. He was in a really bad skiing accident!"
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"Ladies."
30 Rock
"- What is this about? - It's about my movie, "The Rural Juror.""
30 Rock
"They've adapted "The Rural Juror"? I'm a huge Kevin Grisham fan."
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"Jenna has taken the fact that I don't like her movie"
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"She twisted my boob."
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"Liz, you wanted the movie to be bad. You wanted me to fail."
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"Let me tell you something. Liz has always supported you."
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"When I wanted you out of here, she wouldn't give in. I've never seen her so worked up."
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"She came at me with that angry little badger face... There it is right now."
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"- I know, but... - But nothing."
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"You're accusing Liz of undermining you?"
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"I think you owe her an apology."
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"No. Don't be."
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"You're right. I did want the movie to be bad."
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"The one time I try to take your side, Lemon, you sandbag me. I'm sorry, Jenna."
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"I smelled crazy in here, and I assumed it was you."
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"Oh, God, Liz. I mean, I wish you had written my movie, too."
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"It's not that. It's just..."
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"The dream that we had in Chicago of getting famous..."
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"Yeah."
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"But you couldn't have been serious about acting for a living."
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"Look, I like what I do now."
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"But there's still this sad little part of me that wants to be the centre of attention."
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"That wants to be you, I guess."
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"Your movie just brought all that stuff up again."
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"This is boring. I'm bored now."
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"No. I'm sorry. So you really think I'm beautiful?"
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"I never said that."
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"Oh, I'm sorry."
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"Feed me, Whoopi."
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"What's this?"
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"I gave the Meat Machine to Whoopi."
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"Goldberg or Billingham?"
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"Looks like Whoopi's made herself another billion hryvna."
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"Food ball?"
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"Let's get personal."
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"Your father, Werner,"
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"was a burger server in suburban Santa Barbara..."
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"Yes, that's right."
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"...When he spurned your mother, Verna,"
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"for a curly-haired surfer named Roberta."
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"It was hard on all of us, yes."
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"I'll always be his little girl."
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"- Oh, you mean Jesus? - No."
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"which recently acquired the Sheinhardt Wig Company, which owns NBC outright."
30 Rock
"No, no, no. I'm not telling you anything about it."
30 Rock
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