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Clips from 30 Rock - The Rural Juror (S01E01)

"No, you hang up first."
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"Donaghy, I need your help!"
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"I miss you, too. I said, "I miss you, too.""
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"You're breaking up. Maureen? She cutout."
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"I need $100,000, or I'm gonna lose both my houses."
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"Look, Tracy, I can't just give you money."
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"You know someone named Arsenio Billingham?"
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"Why you got to be so obsessed with telecommunications?"
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"Oh, congratulations. I didn't know they had a release date for "The Rur...""
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"for that movie."
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"Pete, you want to see a comic book with pregnant zombie nuns?"
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"And I have a Screener of the movie for you. I want you to watch it."
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"And he just finished writing the sequel. It's called "Urban Fervour.""
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"Something no one has thought of. Something crazy."
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"I know a gentleman who had a lot of crazy ideas."
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"Eureko!"
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"What are you doing back here? They're rehearsing your Paris Hilton sketch."
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"Same I've always done when she's in something terrible..."
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"No, you've got to tell them that when Paris Hilton tries to make out with the bear,"
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"the bear has to act like he's into it."
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"into this sexy lady,"
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"I give you the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine."
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"Meat is the new bread."
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"What do you think?"
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"Hi. I'm Whoopi Goldberg. And you're working out with Whoopi."
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"With Tracy Jordan behind this, it just might work."
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"NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works, which owns the Ahp Chanagi Party Meats Corporation"
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"of Pyongyang, North Korea. And they will make the Meat Machine."
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"Hey, do you know the name of Jenna's movie yet?"
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"- Constance Justice. - Justice has been served."
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"Tracy to the stage, please, for "Pull Your Own Wisdom Teeth. ""
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"Oh, my God, Jenna. The soundtrack was so moody."
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"What else did you like about it?"
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"So,what did you think?"
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"That's not how I remember any of that."
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"I'll do it. What is it?"
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"That weird security guard Tony let me in. I also looked on Liz's computer."
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"That is grim."
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""The Rural Juror"?"
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"Well, to be perfectly honest, I think the entire sketch is a train wreck."
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"It's killing you that I'm in something good that you had nothing to do with."
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"Enjoy kicking me around for now, because I won't be on your crappy little show forever."
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"- Really? - Really."
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"Really."
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"Pete, could you tell Liz Lemon"
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"She's not talking to me, and to retaliate,"
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"I didn't do anything wrong. She insisted on me telling her"
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"what I thought of her crappy movie, and then she attacked me."
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"How many times has this happened to you?"
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"Or this?"
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"That's delicious."
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"It's probably because of her own intellectual insecurities."
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"I guess because I look weird, I can't be perceptive."
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"I want these everywhere."
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"Well, you can Start by saying you're sorry."
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"Burning jets of grease, huh?"
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"I own some property on the Dnieper River."
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"Can't do it, Donaghy."
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"Mr Donaghy, they need you onstage immediately..."
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"I'm sorry that we're not all weeping with gratitude at getting to read your words."
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"I am so glad I studied voice at Northwestern"
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"- so I could do raps about Suri Cruise. - Oh, please."
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"So now I'm a slut? Let me tell you something."
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"And let me tell you something about Mitch. He is disgusting in bed."
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"Sit down."
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"and blown it completely out of proportion."
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"The point is, she went to the mat for you, and she was right."
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"They did warn me those diet pills were mood-altering."
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"Liz, I'm sorry."
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"You have brown hair."
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"That wants to get my hair done and get free clothes."
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"Oh, God, Liz. I had no idea."
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"Did that hurt her?"
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"OK, on the count of three. One, two, three."
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"No, I didn't hang up, either."
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"I need $60,000, or I'm gonna lose my house."
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"Tracy, I don't understand. You've starred in 14 films."
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"- You don't have any money saved? - No. I lost all of it."
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"- Really? Who's your money manager? - Grizz."
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"WorldCom, man. WorldCom."
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"But what I can do is show you how you can earn all the money you need."
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"- You must know Arsenio. - Hall or Billingham?"
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"No."
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"A few years ago, Arsenio Hall came to a colleague of mine"
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"with a similar problem."
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"My friend suggested that we brand Arsenio, put his name and face on a product."
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"Because of Arsenio's "Woof woof" catchphrase, we settled on dog food."
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"The product was a runaway success."
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"The company and Arsenio made millions."
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"I like that."
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"Put my name on something."
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"But what would I sell?"
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"Now, you come back with an idea of a product you'd be willing to sell..."
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"anything at all, and you'll have all the money you can dream of."
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"I forgot about that WorldCom mess."
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"Get me Maureen Dowd back on the phone, please."
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"Hey, I got to miss an hour of rehearsal today 'cause I just found out from my publicist"
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"- I've been booked on "The View." - Oh, Jenna, that's great."
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"For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women,"
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"- and you'll be the least crazy one. - I know."
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"Oh, you know what clip you should show? "MTV Darfur.""
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"You and Tracy were really funny in that."
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"Oh, sorry. Got to take this. Hello?"
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"- You still don't know what the title is? - No. No one does."
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"It's gone on way too long to ask her about it."
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"This title isn't hard to understand, right?"
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"No. it's awesome."
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"I love that we can work while we're on cocaine."
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"Could it be "Roar Her, Gem Her"?"
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"That doesn't make any sense. It's got to be "Oral Germ Whore.""
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"Sorry. That was my publicist."
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"You know, I have to admit, I kind of like that Tracy Jordan"
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"is no longer the only movie star on"TGS?"
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"Maybe I'll finally start getting some respect around here."
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"What's up, flabby butt? You look weird today."
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"- Yes, I do. - Cool."
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""The Rural Juror.""
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"That is something. I can't wait to watch it."
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"Oh, you won't be disappointed. The source material was amazing."
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"It's hard to go wrong with a Kevin Grisham novel."
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