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Clips from The Cleveland Show - Birth of a Salesman (S01E01)

"- Check him for drugs. - Oh, that's racist."
The Cleveland Show
"No, this is racist. Asian people are horrible drivers."
The Cleveland Show
"- Ooh-hoo. - Now get in the car."
The Cleveland Show
"Thanks for bailing me out, sweetheart."
The Cleveland Show
"You're a good man, Cleveland Brown, covering for your friend."
The Cleveland Show
"But we're in trouble, Donna. I'll probably get fired for this."
The Cleveland Show
"And what if you go to jail?"
The Cleveland Show
"The thought of my man in prison, lifting rusty weights all day..."
The Cleveland Show
"...getting hard, fighting for his life in the shower all soaped up and shiny..."
The Cleveland Show
"Mm-hm. Beating down a man for fronting me in the yard."
The Cleveland Show
"I mean, who the hell does he think he is anyway?"
The Cleveland Show
"- What makes him think I won't cut him? - Oh, Cleveland."
The Cleveland Show
"Okay, flip me over. I'll be the girl first."
The Cleveland Show
"What? - This is prison we're talking about."
The Cleveland Show
"Hey, Junior, Roberta and I think you're obsessively cleaning everything..."
The Cleveland Show
"...because you have some unresolved issues about your parents' divorce."
The Cleveland Show
"I'm totally fine with the divorce."
The Cleveland Show
"What?"
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"Why would I cry? I mean, nobody died."
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"A family died."
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"That's all it is."
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"A dead family."
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"You know, it's not like he doesn't have plenty of reasons to cry."
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"Yeah. He's so fat, he'll probably die in his 40s."
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"Rallo, that's mean. What if he heard you say that?"
The Cleveland Show
"He'd probably cry."
The Cleveland Show
"What's the name of that Jewish comedian?"
The Cleveland Show
"- Don Rickles? - Get him on the phone."
The Cleveland Show
"Oh, man. Has Waterman talked to you yet?"
The Cleveland Show
"Not yet. I hope he doesn't fire me."
The Cleveland Show
"I should be the one getting fired."
The Cleveland Show
"Fired by Jesus Christ, our lord and savior."
The Cleveland Show
"No, I was so jealous of Cleveland's success..."
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"...that I prayed to Jesus that something bad would happen to him."
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"I'm so sorry, Cleveland."
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"Out of pity, I accept your apology."
The Cleveland Show
"Cleveland, I'm sorry, but I can't tolerate the destruction of company property."
The Cleveland Show
"I don't know what I would've... This company would have done."
The Cleveland Show
"He's a good worker, a good man, a strong..."
The Cleveland Show
"...robust, tastefully cologned man."
The Cleveland Show
"Oh."
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"The point is, Cleveland, I'm afraid I have to let you go."
The Cleveland Show
"Oh, that's too bad. I sure am gonna miss Terry."
The Cleveland Show
"He and I go a long way back. We were on the swim team together."
The Cleveland Show
"- Did he wear a Speedo? - Yes, he wore a Speedo."
The Cleveland Show
"That is, when you could get him to put on a bathing suit."
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"Hey, Junior. Get in here for a minute."
The Cleveland Show
"- What's going on? - We decided it's high time you cried."
The Cleveland Show
"But we got to ease you into it."
The Cleveland Show
"Good evening. And welcome to the Roast of Cleveland Brown Jr."
The Cleveland Show
"A man so huge, his butt has its own zip code."
The Cleveland Show
"Are you saying I'm as large as a municipality?"
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"And now, a young lady who goes to third base faster than Rickey Henderson..."
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"...my sister, Roberta Tubbs."
The Cleveland Show
"Rallo Tubbs, everyone."
The Cleveland Show
"Or as he's soon to be known, "That's him, officer.""
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"And Cleveland Brown Jr., or as you're soon to be known..."
The Cleveland Show
"...the poor bastard they buried in a piano case."
The Cleveland Show
"Speaking of Jews, here comes one in a big gross diaper."
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"Don Rickles impersonator Keith Lieb."
The Cleveland Show
"Thanks, Rallo. Hey, look who it is. A colored Shelley Winters."
The Cleveland Show
"That's hurtful even without knowing the reference."
The Cleveland Show
"All right. All right. Look at this fat son of a bitch."
The Cleveland Show
"You put a hot plate in this kid, you got a Manhattan studio apartment."
The Cleveland Show
"Stop making fun of me."
The Cleveland Show
"There it is."
The Cleveland Show
"Let out all the pain from your parents' divorce."
The Cleveland Show
"I promise you'll feel better."
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"I love you, guys. Thank you."
The Cleveland Show
"We love you too, Junior."
The Cleveland Show
"What? Did KFC go out of business?"
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"I better get out of here before I get killed."
The Cleveland Show
"He's from a different time."
The Cleveland Show
"Oh, I could tell unnecessarily graphic stories about Terry all day..."
The Cleveland Show
"...but I gotta go pack up my desk."
The Cleveland Show
"Well, let's not be too hasty. It's possible I overreacted."
The Cleveland Show
"- I assume you're sorry. You're sorry, right? - Very."
The Cleveland Show
"And if you stayed, you could tell me stories."
The Cleveland Show
"Say, one every morning over tea?"
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"Stories that, you know, Mrs. Waterman wouldn't need to hear."
The Cleveland Show
"Stories that only a man should hear."
The Cleveland Show
"Well, if I come back, I'd like to work with Terry as an installer."
The Cleveland Show
"I don't wanna be chained to a desk."
The Cleveland Show
"Plus, Tim's your salesman."
The Cleveland Show
"- The bear? - Yeah, you don't wanna lose him."
The Cleveland Show
"In fact, you should give him a raise."
The Cleveland Show
"- Have you seen his wienie? - I have."
The Cleveland Show
"- Me too. Magnificent. - Isn't it weird?"
The Cleveland Show
"Yes."
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"I don't know how you got out of it, but you did."
The Cleveland Show
"So, what's the plan, amigo?"
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"You're getting laid, I'm getting paid and we're doing it drunk."
The Cleveland Show
"- All right! - Whoo!"
The Cleveland Show
"Put that away. Ha, ha, ha."
The Cleveland Show
"No. Great job, Cleveland."
The Cleveland Show
"Oh, that is racist."
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"The truck is one thing. But if anything had happened to Terry, well, l..."
The Cleveland Show
"And I as well."
The Cleveland Show
"Bees!"
The Cleveland Show
"- Ah. - Ah. So..."
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"Oh, yeah."
The Cleveland Show
"Big deal. You showed your penis for food. We all been there."
The Cleveland Show
"Isn't it weird?"
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"Baby, I'm a ride-or-die bitch. You know that."
The Cleveland Show
"He has a bear penis."
The Cleveland Show
"- Oh. You owe me a steak."
The Cleveland Show
"Oh, no way."
The Cleveland Show
"Hey, Don, let's leave the colored out of it."
The Cleveland Show
"And that's why we called him the Wet Banana."
The Cleveland Show