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Clips from The Cleveland Show - Birth of a Salesman (S01E01)

"Okay, bye now."
The Cleveland Show
"Sorry for judging you earlier today."
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"I did what I grew up watching my mother do:"
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"Underestimate minorities."
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"She sounds like someone I would dislike, and then like a lot..."
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"...and then dislike again."
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"So no two months gets the same exotic coffee, right?"
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"Portugal? Do they know coffee in Portugal?"
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"Oh, that sounds expensive. We have Folgers crystals."
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"You have Folgers crystals."
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"Yes, you have my card on file. Thank you."
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"Okay, but when you get back..."
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"...you're gonna crawl down under the sheets and take care of Mama Bear."
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"Why don't you come up and see me sometime?"
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"- What the hell did you just say? - I didn't say nothing, Ike."
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"Roberta, Rallo, Cleveland Jr. Folded the laundry."
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"And I think you two should put it away."
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"Put away my laundry?"
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"It's not my job to pick up after myself. I'm not my mother."
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"You'll get this back when you're done with the laundry."
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"Oh, man. Now what am I supposed to...? Oh, there's a book."
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"Don't laugh, America. Don't laugh."
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"Can I have your attention, please?"
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"Due to his remarkable sales..."
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"...I'm giving this week's Employee of the Week Award to Cleveland Brown."
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"As part of your Employee of the Week Award, here's $200 bonus."
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"Neat."
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"...while I mindlessly blow through all this extra money?"
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"No. No. No, thanks. You go on ahead."
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"I'm gonna stay late and try to make a few more sales."
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"Gonna get myself a top hat"
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"Top hat"
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"- What are you doing? - Oh, uh, hey, Arch!"
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"- What are you doing, Tim? - Oh, nothing."
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"Tim, those are for us at work, not to take home."
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"Yeah, well, I didn't use any today."
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"I figured what I didn't use, I could take home."
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"No. That's not how this works."
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"Well, it's just that my wife, she puts these in her diet sodas..."
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"...because she likes so much chemicals, you know?"
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"- Then what are the coffee filters for? - Uh..."
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"Why don't you go ahead and put everything back?"
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"Look, it's been a hard month."
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"Sometimes months are hard. You bring in extra stuff when things are going good?"
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"Well, see you tomorrow, Arch."
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"No, you won't. Taking a vacation day."
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"- Whoa, what's this? - My chore wheel."
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"It makes doing chores even more fun. Watch."
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"Gutter patrol. All right."
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"We gotta stop this before it's too late."
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"I know. Look what happened when nobody stopped Robert Redford."
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"Let me get this straight."
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"For only $ 10,000..."
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"...I can have every inch of skin replaced with fried chicken?"
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"I'd be a fool not to."
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"Terry Kimple's in the house, y'all."
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"Hey, Cleveland. Holy smokes. What are you doing here?"
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"Well, you're gonna need some tighter pants."
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"Hey, Tim. Terry here was my best friend in high school."
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"He even saved my life once."
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"Oh, I just did a solid for a friend. You'd have done the same thing."
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"Hey, man. I needed this. Thank you."
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"No problemo."
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"Shh. Shh."
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"I assume this is yours."
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"Come on, wise guy. Let's go."
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"Now, hang on, chief. Cleveland didn't know nothing about this."
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"That there weed, it belongs to me."
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"Terry, you could get expelled."
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"That's all right, man. Your future's a hell of a lot brighter than mine."
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"You could be the first black president of the United States."
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"You take this opportunity and you use it, Cleveland."
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"Let's go."
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"Use it!"
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"Well, when my adulterous ex-wife took my house in our divorce..."
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"...I moved back to town..."
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"...and hastily married a woman I had not seen nor spoken to in 20 years."
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"So in addition to my own emotionally fragile son..."
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"...which is why I got an entry-level telemarketing job at the cable company."
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"So pretty good, I guess."
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"What? Oh, sorry, man."
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"Sorry. I was just checking out that pair of legs down there."
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"Ha, ha. I see Terry Kimple hasn't changed."
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"Yeah, the ladies love my cable truck. It's a hot fur magnet."
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"Hey, you know what?"
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"Lord Jesus, could you please encourage Cleveland..."
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"... to go with Terry in his hot fur magnet so I can catch up to his sales?"
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"- Tim, will you be all right if I leave you? - Oh, yeah, yeah. Have a good time."
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"Thanks, Jesus."
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"Okay, now maybe we can talk about bringing back Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
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"Hey, Cleveland Jr., my day's going well. How about chores?"
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"That's a funny way to say it, but it's going all right."
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"Don't be smart. You listen to me, Jack."
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"Tuck in the corners just like Mommy did it."
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"Like things were when Mommy did it."
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"Fuck, dude."
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"So I said, "I don't care if you're pregnant. That's a three-way in my book.""
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"This is humorous. Why aren't you laughing, Tim?"
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"Yeah, what is it? Is your wife having her bear period?"
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"Oh, gross. - Why would you say that?"
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"Let me get the next round. I'm still playing with that sweet bonus."
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"Oh, actually, Cleveland, do you think I could use the $5..."
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"Seriously? What, am I buying rounds of food now?"
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"Hey, I tell you what, Tim..."
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"...you show us your bear penis and I'll buy you a whole steak."
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"Hey, Yogi. Is it bigger than the average bear's?"
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"I hope..."
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"I hope Jesus makes something bad happen to you."
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"There, I said it."
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"You okay to drive? You're a little drunk."
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"Hell, thanks to my mama, I was born a little drunk."
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"- Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no. This is bad, man. - Oh! Uh-oh."
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"This will be my third DUI."
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"I'm gonna go to jail. I'm gonna lose my job."
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"They're gonna make me cut my hair."
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"That there weed, it belongs to me."
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"Oh, I just did a solid for a friend. You would have done the same thing."
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"Oh, ET's finger. Phone home."
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"You go on and get out of here. I was driving this truck."
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"You're a good friend, man. Thanks."
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