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Clips from Scrubs - Our Stuff Gets Real (S09E09)

"What is that, a sex Trapper Keeper?"
Scrubs
"Oh, I wish. No, it's my post-pregnancy action plan. See?"
Scrubs
"By week three, I'll have lost all the baby weight."
Scrubs
"Weeks four and five I'll be deep into my post-partum depression,"
Scrubs
"where I'll spend most of my time crying and then regaining the baby weight."
Scrubs
"And then something will snap me out of it,"
Scrubs
"probably a sunrise or a hilarious e-card,"
Scrubs
"and then by week six, we are back to nasty town."
Scrubs
"- Let's walk in silence, maybe. - Yes."
Scrubs
"Hi, Mr. And Mrs. Foster. How are you feeling?"
Scrubs
"- I've got lymphoma. - Well, I've got multiple myeloma."
Scrubs
"You two, come on, now. Nobody wins at cancer."
Scrubs
"That's like double what you got."
Scrubs
"I like to start every day with an exercise in futility,"
Scrubs
"and to that end, Johnny Legacy, ulcerative colitis..."
Scrubs
"JORDAN: (ECHOING) Perry!"
Scrubs
"LUCY: With every couple, there's the hard-ass and then the sweet one."
Scrubs
"Come here. I can't deal with this year's clump of ugly nerds eyeballing me."
Scrubs
"LUCY: Hot biscuits, Cox is the sweet one?"
Scrubs
"You know that bag of bones my sister Danni married?"
Scrubs
"- He died. She got nothing. - Burt died?"
Scrubs
"You're not listening. Danni got nothing."
Scrubs
"You need to do your will so I can get all your stuff. Chop-chop."
Scrubs
"Ma'am, if you need any help through this difficult time, I'm here."
Scrubs
"- You're that Aaronson kid. - Mmm-hmm."
Scrubs
"I remember your mom when she was wearing tube tops,"
Scrubs
"giving it away to any guy that would buy her a free steak."
Scrubs
"- She's so classy. - Oh, dear God, I love you."
Scrubs
"I love you."
Scrubs
"So, let me get this straight."
Scrubs
"You and Elliot aren't having sex till after the baby's born?"
Scrubs
"But who are you gonna have sex with, then?"
Scrubs
"Oh. She's gonna watch while you do other chicks."
Scrubs
"No, no, Todd, neither one of us is going to be having sex."
Scrubs
"All the baby books say we'll be back to our normal sex life in about six weeks."
Scrubs
"J.D., those baby books are filled with lies."
Scrubs
"You're gonna be changing diapers covered in spit-up."
Scrubs
"All right? You're not gonna have sex for a long, long, long, long time."
Scrubs
"- No "Me Girl, You Boy"? - No."
Scrubs
"- No "Dirty Zulu Warrior"? - No."
Scrubs
"Well, I'm sure there'll still be cuddling, right?"
Scrubs
"Turk, I'm a man, I have needs. Please say there'll be cuddling."
Scrubs
"- She'll have the baby to cuddle with. - That little bastard."
Scrubs
"(THEME SONG PLAYING)"
Scrubs
"so I turned to my mentor."
Scrubs
"Dorian, I do not need to hear"
Scrubs
"I just feel like I'm racing against the clock,"
Scrubs
"like Harrison Ford in some kind of Harrison Ford movie."
Scrubs
"Talking pregnancy sex?"
Scrubs
"Yep. Nothing like a girl with a little junk in the front."
Scrubs
"What are you, some kind of pervy ninja?"
Scrubs
"Oh, thanks, man. Appreesh. Hey, you know what you should do?"
Scrubs
"- Take your shorty on a babymoon. - What's a babymoon?"
Scrubs
"It's like a romantic trip couples take before their baby's born."
Scrubs
"Breast-milk mojitos."
Scrubs
"(BO Y BELCHES)"
Scrubs
"You've had a few too many."
Scrubs
"Those babies are way too close to the water."
Scrubs
"You know, I haven't bagged a preggers yet,"
Scrubs
"The baby bump actually has the tension of an exercise ball."
Scrubs
"I was a doula in Madrid for two years."
Scrubs
"(SARCASTICALLY) Oh, Drew, so cool. Been to Europe."
Scrubs
"Hey, just babymoon it, dude."
Scrubs
"All right, but don't play any jazz while you're having sex"
Scrubs
"'cause I read on the Web that it will make the baby gay."
Scrubs
"Jazz makes babies gay, ladies and gentlemen."
Scrubs
"Jazz makes babies gay! Future doctor!"
Scrubs
"LUCY: You know, Drew,"
Scrubs
"- we haven't really connected yet. - No."
Scrubs
"- Pretty much. - I get that."
Scrubs
"So, you ready for the big heart dissection tomorrow?"
Scrubs
"Totally."
Scrubs
"so I thought afterwards,"
Scrubs
"maybe you, me, and Cole could go to the park and have a sausage picnic."
Scrubs
"Mmm."
Scrubs
"- Okay, that sounded weird. - You know what else is weird,"
Scrubs
"is that you've been supervising our group so much lately,"
Scrubs
"and you're doing it well, really."
Scrubs
"- Yeah. Drew, I'm with someone. - Not where I was going."
Scrubs
"I was just gonna say that you haven't done"
Scrubs
"any cutting of our cadaver yet. Hmm."
Scrubs
"I know, I'm psyched to get in there."
Scrubs
"Hells, yeah. My woman's gonna go all Edward Scissorhands on his ass."
Scrubs
"(IMITATES SCISSORS SNIPPING)"
Scrubs
"(CHUCKLES) I'm making a hedge."
Scrubs
"Is he, like, really good in bed or something?"
Scrubs
"- He'd have to be, right? - I'd hope so, for your sake."
Scrubs
"My wife is making me do a will,"
Scrubs
"so I'm going to need one of you to act as my confidant,"
Scrubs
"that I can talk at but not listen to."
Scrubs
"Well played, Mr. Suffin."
Scrubs
"Dr. Mahoney, it looks like you're going to be my sounding board."
Scrubs
"- Congratulations. - Have fun."
Scrubs
"You're dead to me."
Scrubs
"So, Jordan is after my stuff,"
Scrubs
"It is the one chair I sit in when I watch TV"
Scrubs
"and yell at sports figures and reality stars."
Scrubs
"Fine. Right before you kick it,"
Scrubs
"stick a dead bird underneath the cushion."
Scrubs
"That'll get ripe real fast."
Scrubs
"Then you can sit back and watch the whole show from hell."
Scrubs
"Mahoney, you are a promising young doctor, you are."
Scrubs
"(GROANS)"
Scrubs
"- Can I have a moment to say goodbye? - Of course."
Scrubs
"They were married 47 years."
Scrubs
"Jordan and I have been together for almost 30."
Scrubs
"Yeah, but life expectancy for people your age is excellent."
Scrubs
"You know, unless you're a type-A workaholic in a high-stress job"
Scrubs
"- with, like, a lot of built-up anger. - Enough."
Scrubs
"You're not crying, are you?"
Scrubs
"I was joking at first,"
Scrubs
"(SOBBING) but I'm just having a pregnancy moment here. I just..."
Scrubs
"I'm just really gonna miss you when you're gone."
Scrubs
"(ELLIOT CRYING LOUDLY)"
Scrubs
"LUCY: I snuck into the lab to get ready for tomorrow's exam."
Scrubs
"Med students are told to keep a cadaver's face covered"
Scrubs
"so it doesn't feel too personal, but Ben didn't like it."
Scrubs
"(BEN SIGHS)"
Scrubs
"Oh, it's stuffy under there."
Scrubs
"- Sorry about that. How you doing? - Not too shabby."
Scrubs
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