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Clips from Please Like Me - Porridge (S04E04)

Did you get that washing out of the machine?

"Did you get that washing out of the machine?"

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- No, I did not. - Mm, good.

"- No, I did not. - Mm, good."

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- I was hoping you wouldn't do that. - Yeah.

"- I was hoping you wouldn't do that. - Yeah."

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Yeah, I thought, "Do you know what would be less predictable

"Yeah, I thought, "Do you know what would be less predictable"

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"than doing the thing I said I would do?"

""than doing the thing I said I would do?""

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- Doing the opposite. - Yep! Yep, the opposite.

"- Doing the opposite. - Yep! Yep, the opposite."

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"your clothes will be completely ruined."

""your clothes will be completely ruined.""

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Perfect, yeah. Do you know what I didn't do?

"Perfect, yeah. Do you know what I didn't do?"

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Um... get the bag with all my special food in?

"Um... get the bag with all my special food in?"

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Good, good.

"Good, good."

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I think maybe we'll try the poles in the other holes.

"I think maybe we'll try the poles in the other holes."

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Yeah.

"Yeah."

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Got nothing to say about how wrong you were?

"Got nothing to say about how wrong you were?"

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No.

"No."

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Hey, guys! I've got a surprise.

"Hey, guys! I've got a surprise."

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(TOM) Oh, my God!

"(TOM) Oh, my God!"

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- How long have you had those? - Oh, not long.

"- How long have you had those? - Oh, not long."

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They've been illegal for eight years.

"They've been illegal for eight years."

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- Yes, we can. - They might explode.

"- Yes, we can. - They might explode."

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- Yeah. - No. No, sorry.

"- Yeah. - No. No, sorry."

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We just can't.

"We just can't."

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Just gonna go over there and sit on a log.

"Just gonna go over there and sit on a log."

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- (JOSH) You seem upset. - You seem observant.

"- (JOSH) You seem upset. - You seem observant."

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Hannah, we should set up your tent.

"Hannah, we should set up your tent."

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Yeah, bit of a problem there. I did not pack a tent.

"Yeah, bit of a problem there. I did not pack a tent."

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- I thought I said to bring a tent. - Oh, you definitely did.

"- I thought I said to bring a tent. - Oh, you definitely did."

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- When did you realise this? - When we got here.

"- When did you realise this? - When we got here."

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- What was your plan? - I'm still working on it.

"- What was your plan? - I'm still working on it."

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Why didn't you say anything?

"Why didn't you say anything?"

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Oh, my plans never involve chitchat.

"Oh, my plans never involve chitchat."

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you could materialise a tent?

"you could materialise a tent?"

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You did bring a big bag of old fireworks, though.

"You did bring a big bag of old fireworks, though."

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- (OTHERS CHUCKLE) - Yep.

"- (OTHERS CHUCKLE) - Yep."

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- But not a tent. - No tent, just fireworks.

"- But not a tent. - No tent, just fireworks."

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You can sleep with us, Hannah.

"You can sleep with us, Hannah."

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Oh, thanks. That's very kind of you, Arnold.

"Oh, thanks. That's very kind of you, Arnold."

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Just heard that you guys weren't very good at threesomes.

"Just heard that you guys weren't very good at threesomes."

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(TOM AND ELLA LAUGH)

"(TOM AND ELLA LAUGH)"

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Hannah, you can sleep on the floor of the van, like a sleepover.

"Hannah, you can sleep on the floor of the van, like a sleepover."

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- Tom, can we braid your hair? - Yeah.

"- Tom, can we braid your hair? - Yeah."

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I've decided the fireworks are safe and fine and actually very thrilling.

"I've decided the fireworks are safe and fine and actually very thrilling."

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Yes!

"Yes!"

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I think Tom should film them, so if something does go wrong,

"I think Tom should film them, so if something does go wrong,"

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we become viral internet sensations.

"we become viral internet sensations."

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(ARNOLD) Hey, guys, um, I brought my guitar

"(ARNOLD) Hey, guys, um, I brought my guitar"

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and I thought maybe I could sing Hannah a song.

"and I thought maybe I could sing Hannah a song."

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- Okay. - (STRUMS GUITAR)

"- Okay. - (STRUMS GUITAR)"

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♪ Shine bright like a diamond ♪

"♪ Shine bright like a diamond ♪"

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♪ Find light in the beautiful sea ♪

"♪ Find light in the beautiful sea ♪"

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♪ I choose to be happy ♪

"♪ I choose to be happy ♪"

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♪ You and I... you and I ♪

"♪ You and I... you and I ♪"

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♪ We're like diamonds in the sky ♪

"♪ We're like diamonds in the sky ♪"

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♪ You're a shooting star I see ♪

"♪ You're a shooting star I see ♪"

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♪ When you hold me I'm alive ♪

"♪ When you hold me I'm alive ♪"

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♪ We're like diamonds in the sky ♪

"♪ We're like diamonds in the sky ♪"

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♪ At first I felt the energy of sun rays ♪

"♪ At first I felt the energy of sun rays ♪"

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♪ Light inside your heart ♪

"♪ Light inside your heart ♪"

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Okay, so I've invented a game.

"Okay, so I've invented a game."

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- Ugh! - 'Ugh'? Why 'ugh'?

"- Ugh! - 'Ugh'? Why 'ugh'?"

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(LAUGHS) I don't know.

"(LAUGHS) I don't know."

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You've just started going 'ugh' at the end of my sentences.

"You've just started going 'ugh' at the end of my sentences."

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- It's become habit. - I'm so sorry.

"- It's become habit. - I'm so sorry."

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So the game is called 'Let's All Compliment Hannah'.

"So the game is called 'Let's All Compliment Hannah'."

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(HANNAH) Oh, I don't like this game.

"(HANNAH) Oh, I don't like this game."

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No, yes, but if we designed all activities around what you liked,

"No, yes, but if we designed all activities around what you liked,"

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we'd be in your bed eating savoury snacks, okay?

"we'd be in your bed eating savoury snacks, okay?"

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Was that an option? Why wasn't I told that was an option?

"Was that an option? Why wasn't I told that was an option?"

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So, we all compliment Hannah and then Hannah has to give us an insult.

"So, we all compliment Hannah and then Hannah has to give us an insult."

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Okay, then. Fine.

"Okay, then. Fine."

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Hannah, I think you have Hollywood cheekbones, like Eddie Redmayne,

"Hannah, I think you have Hollywood cheekbones, like Eddie Redmayne,"

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or Johnny Depp, or like a woman, any woman also.

"or Johnny Depp, or like a woman, any woman also."

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- Cate Blanchett. - Yes!

"- Cate Blanchett. - Yes!"

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Ooh, I'm so jealous of her cheekbones.

"Ooh, I'm so jealous of her cheekbones."

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Okay, so now, Hannah, you have to insult Josh.

"Okay, so now, Hannah, you have to insult Josh."

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Josh, you are a bully to Tom.

"Josh, you are a bully to Tom."

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- Tom likes being bullied. - No, I don't!

"- Tom likes being bullied. - No, I don't!"

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Okay, well... well, this is shocking.

"Okay, well... well, this is shocking."

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(OTHERS LAUGH)

"(OTHERS LAUGH)"

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But fine, yes, I guess that's an insult. Arnold?

"But fine, yes, I guess that's an insult. Arnold?"

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Uh, Hannah, I think you are really strong-minded and independent.

"Uh, Hannah, I think you are really strong-minded and independent."

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That's nice rephrasing for 'lonely'.

"That's nice rephrasing for 'lonely'."

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No, Hannah, you're not allowed to insult yourself, okay?

"No, Hannah, you're not allowed to insult yourself, okay?"

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You're only allowed to insult Arnold.

"You're only allowed to insult Arnold."

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Pretty sure that's exactly the same compliment you gave Josh's mum.

"Pretty sure that's exactly the same compliment you gave Josh's mum."

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Okay, Arnold, I preferred it when you were more scared of the world.

"Okay, Arnold, I preferred it when you were more scared of the world."

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Hey, I'm still scared! I don't mean it.

"Hey, I'm still scared! I don't mean it."

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- I hate this game. - Thomas, your turn.

"- I hate this game. - Thomas, your turn."

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Hannah, I feel like you and I have a lot in common.

"Hannah, I feel like you and I have a lot in common."

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Ugh, I feel like that's an insult for both of us.

"Ugh, I feel like that's an insult for both of us."

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Hannah, I think that you are fantastic and hilarious,

"Hannah, I think that you are fantastic and hilarious,"

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and I think you're a really good friend to Rose,

"and I think you're a really good friend to Rose,"

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I think you say things you don't mean to make people like you.

"I think you say things you don't mean to make people like you."

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Oh, my God, do you think someone died?

"Oh, my God, do you think someone died?"

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- Like in that movie? - Maybe someone drowned.

"- Like in that movie? - Maybe someone drowned."

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- (TOM) Well, that's our night ruined. - Ooh, I wanna go see.

"- (TOM) Well, that's our night ruined. - Ooh, I wanna go see."

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No, no, let's not use a potentially dead man as entertainment.

"No, no, let's not use a potentially dead man as entertainment."

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No, let's not be those guys.

"No, let's not be those guys."

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- Yeah, I'm gonna take a look. - No!

"- Yeah, I'm gonna take a look. - No!"

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What if they need our help?

"What if they need our help?"

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How could they possibly need our help?

"How could they possibly need our help?"

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and they need someone to pee on them and none of them need to go?

"and they need someone to pee on them and none of them need to go?"

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Josh could do it. He always needs to pee.

"Josh could do it. He always needs to pee."

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See ya later, sucker.

"See ya later, sucker."

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(ARNOLD) No. No, no, no.

"(ARNOLD) No. No, no, no."

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You see, because, like, everyone else is going to see

"You see, because, like, everyone else is going to see"

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Promise I'm not going to get in trouble?

"Promise I'm not going to get in trouble?"

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I mean, it's just disgusting, isn't it?

"I mean, it's just disgusting, isn't it?"

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It's not a fun Friday night.

"It's not a fun Friday night."

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Correct. Can't you just stay here and feel superior?

"Correct. Can't you just stay here and feel superior?"

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- I'm going back to the tent. - What? What?

"- I'm going back to the tent. - What? What?"

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No, fine. Okay, fine. I'll stay here.

"No, fine. Okay, fine. I'll stay here."

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I mean, I don't know why you don't care if I'm involved or not.

"I mean, I don't know why you don't care if I'm involved or not."

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No, that's not a thing.

"No, that's not a thing."

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That's not a thing, me caring... I wanted you to come, okay?

"That's not a thing, me caring... I wanted you to come, okay?"

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That's a thing you invented in your head and then got sad about.

"That's a thing you invented in your head and then got sad about."

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No, it's like the boat all over again.

"No, it's like the boat all over again."

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- It is not the boat! - Yes, it is!

"- It is not the boat! - Yes, it is!"

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What are you talking about? You go on with this boat thing.

"What are you talking about? You go on with this boat thing."

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It's deranged!

"It's deranged!"

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Nah, it's just you and your dad

"Nah, it's just you and your dad"

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