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Clips from Superstore - Color Wars (S01E01)

"- Oh. - Okay?"
Superstore
"Okay."
Superstore
"Hey, if it would cheer you up,"
Superstore
"you could help me plan the pizza party."
Superstore
"What's there to plan? You're just buying a pizza."
Superstore
"No, that's a pizza dinner."
Superstore
"The word "party" changes things."
Superstore
"There are certain expectations."
Superstore
"I mean, I could do it on my own,"
Superstore
"but it'd be way more fun to do with you."
Superstore
"All right, I'll help you with the stupid party."
Superstore
"But wait. Not if you don't want to."
Superstore
"Well, you've begged me, so, yeah, I'll help you,"
Superstore
"but I got to say, I've got some major problems with your ideas."
Superstore
"You haven't even heard them yet."
Superstore
"No, they don't."
Superstore
"Which ones?"
Superstore
"they're gonna ask you if you were helped by someone"
Superstore
"on the Red Team or the Gold Team."
Superstore
"This next part's very important."
Superstore
"No one's into the contest."
Superstore
"I don't think the promise of pizza has the same effect"
Superstore
"it had on us when we were kids."
Superstore
"It's a pizza party."
Superstore
"Besides, that's not the only prize."
Superstore
"Everyone on the winning team gets $100."
Superstore
"- What? - Yeah."
Superstore
"Why didn't you tell us that before?"
Superstore
"I was saving it."
Superstore
"I wanted to have a nice surprise incentive"
Superstore
"for the end of the day."
Superstore
"No, you have to tell people about incentives beforehand."
Superstore
"Well, should I tell people, then?"
Superstore
"Should I make an announcement?"
Superstore
"Um, I can. I can do it."
Superstore
"Each member of the winning team takes home..."
Superstore
"I could really use that money."
Superstore
"You know, the one where the baby's all like..."
Superstore
"And the best part is that the Red Team"
Superstore
"doesn't even know about the money."
Superstore
"- Jonah? - I'm sorry. Just... I don't..."
Superstore
"I-I am a little uncomfortable pushing people"
Superstore
"to buy things that they don't want or need."
Superstore
"Seriously? Just stop it."
Superstore
"I will kill myself before I go back to 2D ultrasound, okay?"
Superstore
"I will kill myself."
Superstore
"- Withdrawn. - Okay."
Superstore
"Let's stick to departments that play to our strengths."
Superstore
"Jenny, cosmetics is not your..."
Superstore
"- Hey... - Hey."
Superstore
"What's up, girl?"
Superstore
"Oh, just..."
Superstore
"I was putting it in wrong."
Superstore
"Wow. Looks like you guys are doing pretty good."
Superstore
"What? Oh, pssh. Whatever. okay."
Superstore
"Looks like somebody's taking the competition"
Superstore
"a little too seriously all of a sudden."
Superstore
"I can't believe you're even looking at the board, Garrett."
Superstore
"Well, I wasn't."
Superstore
"That's how faces work,"
Superstore
"but it looks like you were studying it pretty closely."
Superstore
"Um, okay, whatever you say."
Superstore
"I'm gonna go chill in the break room."
Superstore
""Lates"?"
Superstore
"Hey, Mateo, you notice anything funny about this?"
Superstore
"- Big guy, tiny shirt... - Classic. I already Instagrammed it."
Superstore
"No, I mean, why is the Gold Team selling so hard?"
Superstore
"I don't know."
Superstore
"Let me do a little investigating."
Superstore
"Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow."
Superstore
"There's a $100 prize for the winning team."
Superstore
"Thank you very much."
Superstore
"but if a man is under the impression,"
Superstore
"however misguided, that the more he buys,"
Superstore
"well, that's on him."
Superstore
"Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers,"
Superstore
"we'd like to welcome the members"
Superstore
"of our Second Chances Program in the gold T-shirts."
Superstore
"who hasn't committed a violent crime,"
Superstore
"our red-shirted employees"
Superstore
"will be more than happy to help out."
Superstore
"Yes, the Cloud 9 Second Chances Program..."
Superstore
"Dina, we have to prioritize."
Superstore
"what more do you want?"
Superstore
"Our party budget is only $60,"
Superstore
"and the tiny clown alone is $40."
Superstore
"We don't need a tiny clown."
Superstore
"So pretty soon this party is gonna have zero clowns."
Superstore
"Is that what you want... A party with zero clowns?"
Superstore
"This one's twice as much,"
Superstore
"Yeah, I-I doubt you'd ever use most of these features."
Superstore
"Are you sure?"
Superstore
"'Cause I'm leaning toward the expensive one,"
Superstore
"and I can't stress enough, money is no object."
Superstore
"Honestly, unless you're, like, a barista,"
Superstore
"I think you're better off with just a regular auto-drip."
Superstore
"although, realistically, what are my chances of winning twice?"
Superstore
"so it's time for the Gold Team to stop pussyfooting around."
Superstore
"I'm not doing that with my feet."
Superstore
"I-I just have trouble pressuring people"
Superstore
"into buying stuff they don't need."
Superstore
"Actually, I think it's the opposite of selfish."
Superstore
"Come on, Jonah, you're better than this."
Superstore
"Look at the Red Team. Brett just sold a shelf."
Superstore
"Yeah, well, that's Brett. Guy's a machine."
Superstore
"money's a little tight for me right now."
Superstore
"So maybe $100 doesn't mean that much to you,"
Superstore
"So can you please start selling people crap they don't need?"
Superstore
"Oh, no, no, no."
Superstore
"Believe me... that bean hopper has come in handy"
Superstore
"more times than I can count."
Superstore
"Don't take "No" for an answer."
Superstore
"Got that?"
Superstore
"No, not "Congratulations. Got that?""
Superstore
"Just "Congratulations.""
Superstore
"No, I don't want you to write "Congratulations. Got that?"
Superstore
"Just 'Congratulations.'""
Superstore
"He's just transcribing phonetically."
Superstore
"Well, what language does he speak?"
Superstore
"You hired him."
Superstore
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