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Clips from NewsRadio - Freaky Friday (S05E05)

"I didn't know Matthew had an account."
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"Yeah, yeah. A little one. His mom started it up for him."
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"I broke in though. Guess what his secret password is."
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"Matthew? No."
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"Brock? No."
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"Cat?"
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"Welcome to the club, fellow hacker."
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"Happy Birthday, Lisa."
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"Oh, is it your birthday? Happy birthday."
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"Thank you. But my birthday's not for six months."
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"Oh, I know that. I know."
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"But I just happened to be in the store and I saw this."
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"And I just thought it was so you."
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"So enjoy, okay?"
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"Beth."
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"I am not gonna launder these CDs for you."
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"You make it sound so shady. Stash them"
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"and keep your mouth shut until the heat dies down."
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"Why don't you just give them back?"
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"Because if I give them back, what am I gonna use as coasters?"
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"Coasters?"
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"Yes. And plates and earrings."
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"Lisa, I have literally thousands of CDs."
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"Made entirely of recycled copies"
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"You're going to prison."
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"Oh. Oh. Might I remind you that your husband is in prison."
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"Yes, I know. But at least what he stole wasn't worthless."
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"Are you calling my life's work worthless?"
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"The spear's okay. But you totally ruined"
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"Mr. James' autographed picture of George "Goober" Lindsey."
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"That's okay. I heard he and Goober had a big fight."
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"Now about the computer."
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"There you go."
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"That's it? That's it."
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"running a global multi-billion dollar company"
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"is not all fun and games."
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"Right."
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"Go on. Scoot, scoot, scoot."
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""Global Thermonuclear War.""
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"Yeah, yeah. How's that going?"
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"Oh, I'm just diversifying his portfolio a little bit."
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"He's not a bad investor, just a little too heavy"
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"into high-risk commodities."
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"What sort of high-risk commodities?"
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"Uh, catnip mostly."
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"Vacation spas for cats. That sort of thing."
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"Well, then."
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"Well, lookie there."
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"How's it going there, Mr. President?"
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"Ah, the job's a lot tougher than you thought, huh?"
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"Yeah, it is. Okay."
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"This is gonna make you feel good because I have made you--"
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"Look at this."
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"--almost $200 trading online in your name."
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"Because I was just online trading in your name."
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"[LAUGHS] Well, see, you couldn't do that, son."
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"You couldn't access my accounts."
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"You don't know my secret password."
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"How'd you know that?"
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"Well, it's Dave's mom's name, so I figured..."
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"Sir. No, wait."
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"Wait a-- Wait a second now. Matthew, son."
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"How much did you lose?"
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"[SOBBING] All of it."
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"How-- How much?"
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"Seven billion dollars."
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"I'm ruined. I'm totally wiped out."
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"I'm sorry. Jimmy very..."
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"mad!"
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"Jimmy mad! Jimmy mad!"
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"[GRUNTING] Jimmy mad!"
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"What's up?"
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"Oh, cool."
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"I don't know. I don't know. I was playing solitaire"
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"and then I got bored and I started online trading."
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"And long story short, it got out of control. I don't know."
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"You lost 7 billion dollars."
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"I know."
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"It's bad."
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"You ruined Mr. James."
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"I said, I know it's bad."
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"This is worse than knocking over the water cooler."
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"Oh, my God. Do you think he's gonna fire me?"
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"[CRASHING]"
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"Good morning, Lisa."
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"I don't know, with Mr. James broke,"
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"I'd probably be better off in jail."
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"No. The last he needs to worry is you getting busted"
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"Oh, quickly."
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"All right. What's the deal?"
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"No, no. We are talking about every Sarah McLachlan,"
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"every Carly Simon, every Judy Collins album ever made."
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"What's the catch?"
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"Well, we got everything. Monica, Brandy, Hanson."
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"Yea!"
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"I mean, boo. I want more."
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"What else do you want?"
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"I want my break room privileges back."
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"I am Dave's assistant. I do have some influence."
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"She'll work on it. It might not happen overnight,"
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"but she'll do what she can."
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"And I want samples."
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"What do you mean, samples? No, no."
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"No. She's not stealing food for you, Max."
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"Deal breaker."
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"I could totally do that."
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"Do we have a deal?"
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"I prefer to close deals like this"
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"with a kiss."
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"I choose prison."
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"Lisa?"
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"Hey, sir. How are you doing? Oh. Hey, Dave."
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"I'm really sorry about all this."
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"Thanks, Dave. I appreciate it. I--"
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"Oh, look. Goober got a hole."
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"Oh, I was-- I was, you know, looking at this"
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"as a new start maybe. You know what I mean?"
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"I think that's a healthy attitude."
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"I'm thinking of going back to Florida"
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"and go back into the family business."
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