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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Band or DJ? (S08E08)

"Your dad is crazy!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- I told you not to give him a name! - Well, I did!"
How I Met Your Mother
"I gave him a name and a backstory."
How I Met Your Mother
"He comes from a magical rabbit warren underneath the old rusty tractor."
How I Met Your Mother
"Dad, is there, um, something you wanna tell me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Sighs] Well, in the early '80s..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I did some wet work for the C. I.A."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yes, Daddy. I remember the bedtime stories."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, I'm, uh, talking about your Facebook page?"
How I Met Your Mother
"It says you're married."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well..."
How I Met Your Mother
"at a performance of the recording artist James Buffet."
How I Met Your Mother
"We're what is known as Parrot Heads."
How I Met Your Mother
"and, uh, we got married."
How I Met Your Mother
"You didn't want to tell me about it?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I facebooked it on Facebook."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, you know what, Dad?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Since you obviously have no interest..."
How I Met Your Mother
"in involving me in your personal life..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I may as well tell you... Barney and I are already engaged."
How I Met Your Mother
"That's right."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm behind you on this, Robin."
How I Met Your Mother
"Directly behind you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Anyway, this is happening."
How I Met Your Mother
"And since I wasn't invited to your wedding, you're not invited to mine."
How I Met Your Mother
"Good-bye."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Door Closes]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, no!"
How I Met Your Mother
"So, I just called up that wedding band's road manager..."
How I Met Your Mother
"to get the number of the people who booked them for the 25th..."
How I Met Your Mother
"so I could bribe them into giving up the band."
How I Met Your Mother
"You did what? That is so dishonest!"
How I Met Your Mother
"No matter what happens next, I th... I think we can all agree, you're in the wrong here, Lily."
How I Met Your Mother
"- It's your number, Ted. - All right. You got me!"
How I Met Your Mother
"I put a nonrefundable deposit on that band..."
How I Met Your Mother
"to keep Barney and Robin from booking them."
How I Met Your Mother
"And I would've gotten away with it..."
How I Met Your Mother
"if it wasn't a really stupid and expensive plan."
How I Met Your Mother
"Dude, why would you do that?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I don't see what the big deal is."
How I Met Your Mother
"Sure, bands seem cool with their nice suits and their well-rehearsed moves..."
How I Met Your Mother
"but let's be honest... bands let you down."
How I Met Your Mother
"And God knows, they've slept with every girl in New York City."
How I Met Your Mother
"I just... I can't believe Robin is going through with marrying..."
How I Met Your Mother
"the idea of getting a band."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Clears Throat] And that is... That's a perfectly normal way to phrase that."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, Ted. Bar."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Now. - Nice try."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're gonna stick me with that baby..."
How I Met Your Mother
"so that you guys can spend five minutes sorting out his love life..."
How I Met Your Mother
"followed by an hour of you getting drunk and pretending to be in The Departed."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know what? I'm sorry, Lily."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay? But I just need to know."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Boston Accent] Are you a cop? - I'm not a cop!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Uh-uh."
How I Met Your Mother
"I got this. Ted. You, me. Upstairs. Roof. Now."
How I Met Your Mother
"- What? It's January. - Move!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Just say it, and we can go downstairs. - Say what?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Say how much you hate that Robin and Barney are getting married."
How I Met Your Mother
"What? No, I... I'm happy for them."
How I Met Your Mother
"L-I encouraged Robin to go after Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"I know. Because you thought you were okay letting her go."
How I Met Your Mother
"But now that she's really gone, it hurts."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Kids, at that point in my life..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'd been hurt quite a few times already."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Groaning]"
How I Met Your Mother
"This one time, I was playing tennis and..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh! Ow! - Ow!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Unbelievable!"
How I Met Your Mother
"[High-pitched Gasping]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Do you love me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"No."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] But when I saw that text message..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Grunts] - Ah!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- There... - [High-pitched Screaming] - Ooh!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Ooh! - Aah! - No."
How I Met Your Mother
"Times a million."
How I Met Your Mother
"Is all you'll let yourself say out loud."
How I Met Your Mother
"Because if you said anything to the contrary..."
How I Met Your Mother
"well, that would make you the most awful person on this rooftop."
How I Met Your Mother
"So, I'm gonna give you an out."
How I Met Your Mother
"And how are you gonna do that?"
How I Met Your Mother
"By saying something that is even more awful."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Like what? - [Exhales]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom."
How I Met Your Mother
"Sometimes I want to pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and not come back."
How I Met Your Mother
"Robin shouldn't be with Barney. She should be with me."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You serious? - I don't know."
How I Met Your Mother
"I mean, I love being a mom."
How I Met Your Mother
"Art was my whole life."
How I Met Your Mother
"And-And now it's been months since I've even picked up a brush."
How I Met Your Mother
"L-I spend the whole day taking care of kids at my job..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and I come home, and it's more of the same."
How I Met Your Mother
"It just... It never lets up."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's just really, really hard, Ted."
How I Met Your Mother
"Have you talked to Marshall about how you feel?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Have you talked to Robin about how you feel?"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Sighs] Fair enough."
How I Met Your Mother
"I just think we have to accept our lots in life..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and I have to be a mom to a..."
How I Met Your Mother
"a beautiful, wonderful..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and you have to let Robin and Barney get a band."
How I Met Your Mother
"All right. Let's see what's in this dipey."
How I Met Your Mother
"Nothin'."
How I Met Your Mother
"Absolutely nothing."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey. Are you finally giving Daddy a smile?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh! Oh, God!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Your dad has something to say. - [Clears Throat]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Grunts]"
How I Met Your Mother
"It was wrong of me."
How I Met Your Mother
"There. Now, Robin..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I know that no mere apology will fix this."
How I Met Your Mother
"And that is why..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I've asked Carol for a divorce."
How I Met Your Mother
"- What? - She's heartbroken, understandably."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Possibly suicidal. - I did not tell him..."
How I Met Your Mother
"then I will gladly let Carol pay it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Was that not what you wanted?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- You want to know what I want? - [Murmurs]"
How I Met Your Mother
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