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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Gary Blauman (S09E09)

"When he took that flight on the Wright brothers' plane?"
How I Met Your Mother
"So cool."
How I Met Your Mother
"The time he climbed the tallest mountain in Europe on his honeymoon?"
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: That's when I realized: Blauman and I were locked in a battle of wills..."
How I Met Your Mother
"... that made T.R.'s charge up San Juan Hill look like a walk in the park."
How I Met Your Mother
"Or should I say, in the national park, since Roosevelt spearheaded the establishment..."
How I Met Your Mother
"The battle raged on."
How I Met Your Mother
"In a way he was..."
How I Met Your Mother
"GARY: Knock what off, bro?"
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: This is my apartment, my Teddy Roosevelt conversation. I get the girl."
How I Met Your Mother
"Tell that to William Howard Taft."
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: You're calling me Taft? If anyone's Taft, you're Taft."
How I Met Your Mother
"GARY: Yeah, right. Go sign the Payne-Aldrich Tariff Act, Taft."
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: Ah! How dare you?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Skinny-dipping in the Potomac River."
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: And so the standoff continued. Hours passed. Then days."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Days passed? - Days passed."
How I Met Your Mother
"Finally, like T.R. Stricken by tropical fever on his Amazon trek, we could go no further."
How I Met Your Mother
"When he was assistant secretary of the Navy..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Will you just pick one of us already so I can either have sex or go to sleep?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Smooth, bro."
How I Met Your Mother
"I love that guy."
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"He's an angel."
How I Met Your Mother
"It was 2006. Marshall and I had broken up. I was back in New York, feeling vulnerable..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...and listening to my breakup song over and over."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Man, you know nothing about breakups. - I really don't."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Anyway, then I hit bottom. - There's a bottom below Sugar Ray?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Mm."
How I Met Your Mother
"- What? Why have I never seen that before? - I've been using cover-up..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...and strategically placed straps for a long time to keep this puppy quiet."
How I Met Your Mother
"After all the times you guys made fun of me for my breakup butterfly tattoo?"
How I Met Your Mother
"[BOTH SNICKER]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, fact-that-Ted-got-a-butterfly-tattoo, will you ever stop being hilarious?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Why is it only half a butterfly?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Because Gary Blauman saw me in the tattoo parlor, dragged me out..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...and talked some sense into me."
How I Met Your Mother
"Lily, trust me, you and Marshall are going to get back together."
How I Met Your Mother
"And when you do, you'll be so glad you did not get the other half of that butterfly."
How I Met Your Mother
"Actually, I was gonna get a little more than the butterfly."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's good that I ran into you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Marshall, Blauman saved you from a lifetime of looking at Sugar Ray..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...every time we do it on your birthday. Find him a nice seat."
How I Met Your Mother
"No. No. Do not find him a seat."
How I Met Your Mother
"You find him a nice..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[GASPS]"
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"- What's going on? - Shh."
How I Met Your Mother
"Who's that guy?"
How I Met Your Mother
"It's my ex-boyfriend."
How I Met Your Mother
"So we're crouching behind a van, hiding from your ex-boyfriend."
How I Met Your Mother
"Forgive me... I'm a little bit of a detective. - But it was a bad breakup?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Pretty bad."
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"- Bad like there was a big fight? - Bad like there was a big ring."
How I Met Your Mother
"Bad like this happened in the past year?"
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"Bad like it happened Saturday."
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"- So bad. - Yeah."
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"I'm so sorry, Ted. I really like you."
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"But I'm in the weirdest place on Earth right now."
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"- You're in a Scottish-Mexican restaurant? - Ha, ha."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah. Yeah, I am."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, want me to walk with you? Lots of scary ex-boyfriends in this neighborhood."
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"Sure."
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"- I do want to hear the rest of that story. - Right, the story."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Yeah. - So we decided to take it to the groom."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Did you say "Gary Blauman"? - Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Gary Blauman? - Yes."
How I Met Your Mother
"Blauman, comma, Gary?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Point, comma, get to the damn."
How I Met Your Mother
"I..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...to destroy Gary Blauman's weekend by kicking him out of the wedding!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yes! Gary Blauman haters club, right here."
How I Met Your Mother
"What that guy did to me..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, okay, I am going to try and tell this story without completely losing it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ready? Okay, here goes. I was at the..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Nope, not gonna happen. Give me a second. TED & MARSHALL: Oh!"
How I Met Your Mother
"I was at the bar."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Hey, Barney. - What's up, Blauman? Have a seat."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, thanks."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Your fries. You need anything? - I'm good. Thanks."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, but he was not "good, thanks.""
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, what, did he take one of your fries?"
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""Take one"?"
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"Take one?"
How I Met Your Mother
"It would've been one thing if he took one of my fries. One thing."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, Lily..."
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"[GRUNTS]"
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"But that's not even the capper."
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"Here's the part that still keeps me up at night."
How I Met Your Mother
"The fourth fry he took..."
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"The fourth fry he took..."
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"[SPUTTERING]"
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"Buddy. Buddy, you okay?"
How I Met Your Mother
"The fourth fry he took..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...was an accidental curly. TED & MARSHALL: Ah!"
How I Met Your Mother
"You take a man's wife before you take his accidental curly."
How I Met Your Mother
"If you wanted curly fries so bad, why not just order them in the first place?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, because that's what you want, all curly fries."
How I Met Your Mother
"Regular-cut with a few accidental curlies. That's what you want."
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"- That's the dream. - He's right. That is the dream."
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"No! I refuse to look down from the altar..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...as I say my vows to the woman of my dreams..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...and see that damned stupid accidental-curly-fry-stealing Gary Blauman."
How I Met Your Mother
"Did you say "Gary Blauman"? I..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...hate to disagree with Barney, but I love that guy."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, my gosh. It's you. - Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're the poet William Zabka."
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"Nobody ever recognizes me for my poetry."
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"When Terry Gross interviewed me on Fresh Air, he listened live."
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"Gary Blauman rules."
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"Gary Blauman?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Gary's the guy that I had an affair with."
How I Met Your Mother
"Tom found out, threw me out of the house..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Because of Gary Blauman, everything that matters to me is gone."
How I Met Your Mother
"I got that beat. So I was ordering fries..."
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"Then that means that night, the real battle..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...was between Blauman and the girl."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Figured something out. - Keep telling yourself that."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I don't want Gary at my brother's wedding. - Neither do I. I'm the brother in question."
How I Met Your Mother
"- It's your wedding. - Order! Order!"
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"Everybody out."
How I Met Your Mother
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