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Clips from The Last Man on Earth - The Tandyman Can (S01E01)

"Speaking of crafty hands, what's that there?"
The Last Man on Earth
"- Are those little kitties? - CAROL: Yeah."
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"- I'm a cat man, myself. - Love cats."
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"- So cute. - MILLER: Yeah."
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"Thanks for the scarf."
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"Well played, Carol. Well played."
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"So now I see that exposing my genitals to Phil was just a massive misfire."
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"Well, how could you have known?"
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"Melissa and I broke up less than three hours ago,"
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"and I'm already in a kind of free fall. Don't know where the bottom is."
The Last Man on Earth
"Huh?"
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"This is all Phil's fault, okay?"
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"You're good, you're fine, all right?"
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"Look at you. You look like a million bucks."
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"Hey, do you think I'm being paranoid,"
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"Todd, don't worry."
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"He definitely wants to sleep with Melissa. And everyone else here."
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"And I'm sorry you had to hear that, girl."
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"Here's some trash talk that I can get behind."
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"The garbage pool is clean. Thanks to Phil."
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"And that definitely doesn't stink."
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"MILLER: That was cute."
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"- Bravo. - Thanks, Tandy."
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"- No, I really mean it. - I'd never questioned that."
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"Good, 'cause it was unquestionable."
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"- Do you have a problem with me? - No, I don't."
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"- 'Cause it seems like you do. - Well, maybe that's 'cause I do."
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"What's your problem with me?"
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"Oh, you friggin' come in here and try to impress everybody"
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"with all your skills that pay the bills."
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"But deep down, you're jealous. Jellin' so hard right now."
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"I got no beef with you, Tandy."
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"Okay, I think we've had enough of this president crap."
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"Oh! So you think the American system of government is crap."
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"No, I think the fact that you think you're president is crap."
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"And we didn't even get to vote. It's not fair."
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"Yes, it is, and even if it wasn't, none of you seem to be interested in the responsibility."
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"So unless any of you want to get off your butts"
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"and throw your hats in the ring, looks like you're stuck with little old me."
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"Well, I'd throw my hat in the ring."
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"(STAMMERING) You want to be the president, huh?"
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"(LAUGHS)"
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"I say we revote right now."
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"(STAMMERS) Well, I would like to give a speech."
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"No speeches, all in favor of Phil being president, raise your hand."
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"(CLEARS THROAT)"
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"Speech, speech!"
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"why did you guys choose to live in Tucson?"
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"I mean, no offense, but in this new world,"
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"Tucson is pretty much the worst place to sustain human life."
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"Hey, Tucson is my hometown, and I will not hear it be slandered like that."
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"Wonderful universities, great zoo,"
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"multiple periodicals have named it one of the top 10 places to retire."
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"- Okay. - Multiple periodicals, not just one."
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"We're here, Mr. President, because Tandy here"
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"so we should all be thanking him."
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"All right, no disrespect to Tucson, but I'm talking about farming."
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"Yes."
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"- Growing fresh foods. - Fantastic."
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"- Water. - CAROL: That's what I've been saying."
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"That's why I planted my own garden, but it's just not enough."
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"(STAMMERS) Thanks a lot, Mr. President."
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"Or should I say Mr. Spoiler Alert?"
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"What are you talking about, Tandy?"
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"I've made us a farm, a viable, sustainable, working farm."
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"- I did that. - Nope. No, you didn't."
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"Uh, I sure did, Melissa. I found some good forgivable Tucson land,"
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"and I plowed it, I raked it, I tilled it, I sowed it, I farmed it."
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"And that was gonna be a big surprise come harvest, till this guy ruined it."
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"With his big mouth."
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"Can we take a look at it, your farm?"
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"- (SCOFFS) Yeah, let's go. - MILLER: Let's do it."
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"- Let's go right now. - Let's go right now."
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"Oh, shoot. Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot."
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"What about first thing in the morning?"
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"First thing in the morning. As early as we can do it, yeah."
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"Good."
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"First thing come morn, we'll go see my farm."
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"I need some kind of key or..."
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"Oh! Something happened."
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"Oh! Oh!"
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"Nothing. Damn it."
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"You know what they say. Bros before hoes."
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"Boom. I still got it."
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"PHIL: Cock-a-doodle-doo!"
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"Tandy Farms is open for business!"
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"- Who wants to go see a genuine farm? - TODD: Tandy!"
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"Tandy!"
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"- (PANTING) - Todd, what's the matter?"
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"What happened? What did he do?"
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"He had sex with them."
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"Tandy!"
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"Carol, I cannot believe you."
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"Have you no morals?"
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"What are you talking about?"
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"Oh, you know what I'm talking about."
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"Hey, uh, Carol, where are the other two?"
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"They headed home, but they say thank you."
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"We all had a wonderful time."
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"Oh, my God. That was amazing."
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"What is happening here?"
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"So you ready to go check out your farm?"
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"Haven't you done enough plowing for one day?"
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"- Thank you. - You're welcome."
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"A shower. Oh, my God, private individual showers."
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"That's all you were doing?"
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"Nobody else? No, like, same-sex showers,"
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"one person at a time..."
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"You were nowhere there to be seen?"
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"Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. This is all making sense to me."
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"You know, just Todd had said that you had all done something else."
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"Well, Todd's been wrong about a lot of stuff lately."
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"- MILLER: Yeah. Bye. - Bye."
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"- So, farm? - Yeah."
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"- Let's go. - Yeah, sure."
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"Just friends taking showers, individually, toweling off on their own,"
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"coming out, joining each other once they're fully clothed."
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"Nice job, Tandy, this is a really good start."
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"You know, the necessities."
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"- Good work. - Yeah."
The Last Man on Earth
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