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Clips from The Golden Girls - Love, Rose (S02E02)

"Dorothy, I have a confession to make."
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"I wrote that letter to Rose."
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"What?"
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"I wrote that letter myself. I made up a name and answered Rose's ad."
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"Blanche, how could you?"
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"She thinks someone took an interest in her."
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"Someone did. Me."
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"But what if she expects another letter or decides to go out with him?"
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"We just write one last farewell letter, before he moves to Saskatchewan,"
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"and that's the end of Isaac Newton."
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"Isaac Newton?"
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"The first name that came to mind."
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"Isaac Newton was the first name that came to mind?"
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"Actually, Ted Koppel was the first name that came to mind."
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"But he looks like Howdy Doody's illegitimate son."
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"Gin."
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"- He could end it with a poem. - He did last time."
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"No, he wrote a poem three letters ago."
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"He doesn't write poems, Blanche. We write poems."
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"Lord Byron writes poems. We just copy them onto loose-leaf paper."
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"In cleverly disguised handwriting, I might add."
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"Why did I agree to do this? We have to tell Rose the truth."
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"No, it would crush her."
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"Then we ship Isaac Newton to Saskatchewan."
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"You can't send a citrus farmer to Saskatchewan. How's he going to live?"
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"Excuse me. Next time we invent a person,"
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"let's make sure that he has a trade that travels."
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"Besides, I'm kind of proud of Isaac. I'd hate to see him go, myself."
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"We have created a poetry-writing citrus farmer,"
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"who writes letters with a lavender felt pen."
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"And Rose thinks he's fascinating. Now, what do you think that says?"
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"- About Rose? - About the whole bunch of us."
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"Dorothy, I got a big problem."
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"The Metamucil's in the top cabinet."
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"I mean the Cheswick dude."
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"I explained to him that at 90 there would never be anything between us."
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"- What did he say? - "Not never,"
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"but with a little luck every six weeks.""
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"I'm glad everybody's still up. I just had a terrific idea."
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"What?"
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"I've been reading and re-reading Isaac's letters,"
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"and I've decided to tell him I want to meet."
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"But you said you wouldn't."
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"Only 'cause I never believed I'd find such a special man."
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"What makes you think he's special? I mean, you hardly know him."
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"I suppose, but it feels like I've known him for ages,"
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"and that he's known me."
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"I've found the most wonderful man,"
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"and I owe it all to the two of you."
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"How do you spell Saskatchewan?"
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"- Ma, have you seen my watch? - Here. I borrowed it."
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"I wanted it tonight. Can't you ask?"
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"And disturb you while you're taming your cowlick?"
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"It's silly to take three cars to this reception."
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"Four couples can fit into two."
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"Fine with me, and Howard won't mind."
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"What date? Willy scared off all the eligible men at the Centre."
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"Blanche, can I borrow my earrings?"
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"Sure, and bring your cousin with us."
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"- I'm not taking him. - Why not? You have no date."
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"I don't, either. We can sit by the sweet table and guess people's weight."
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"I have a date, but not Cousin Arnold."
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"Good. I never liked your cousin Arnold."
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"You have a date? Anyone we know?"
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"Isaac."
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"- Excuse me? - Isaac, from the personals."
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"- You're not serious? - Sure I am."
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"Before I could write and suggest we meet,"
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"saying he was moving to Saskatchewan."
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"To be the Smudge Pot Supervisor of the first domed orange grove in Canada."
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"Anyway, he's leaving Tuesday, so there's no time to waste."
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"We shouldn't have done this."
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"I looked through all the phone books,"
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"and there was only one listing for Isaac Q Newton."
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"I called him and invited him to the reception."
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"He should be here any minute."
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"Are you saying you got your date from the phone book?"
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"It's not like the Yellow Pages. It's not like I don't know him."
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"Rose, exactly what did he say when you called him?"
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"I was pretty nervous, so I didn't give him much chance to say anything."
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"- He accepted your invitation? - I told him he had to."
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"I'd better finish getting ready."
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"Blanche, could I borrow my beaded purse?"
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"Yeah, sure, honey."
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"Dorothy, what are we going to do?"
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"We can't let Rose meet someone"
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"who said yes to a woman who'd picked his name from a book."
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"You say that like nobody ever does it."
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"Besides, it's just for this one date."
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"- After that he leaves for Saskatchewan. - He doesn't. We made that up."
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"Alright. Well..."
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"if he's wonderful, we'd have ruined her evening for nothing."
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"Let's meet him. He might be Rose's dream come true."
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"So much for that theory."
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"Good evening. Wilfred Whitney Cheswick here."
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"Might this be the home of the widow Petrillo?"
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"- There you are, Sophia. - Willy, what are you doing?"
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"I've come to escort you to the reception,"
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"and I won't take no for an answer."
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"Yeah? Take this for an answer."
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"Ma."
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"Alright, Cheswick. You might as well make use of that monkey suit."
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"But if anybody cute asks me to dance, make yourself scarce."
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"Once I have you in my arms on that dance floor, Sophia,"
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"you won't so much as glance at another man."
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"Dream on, Piccadilly."
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"Come on, Blanche. Let's go confess to Rose and beg her forgiveness."
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"- Hi. Rose? - No, I'm Dorothy."
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"- Hi. Rose? - Blanche. You're Isaac Newton?"
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"Yes."
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"I bet you take a lot of kidding about that."
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"About what?"
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"Rose should be ready any moment. Just make yourself comfortable."
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"No, I couldn't. I'm never comfortable."
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"You can't tell because my arms are lowered,"
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"but I've nearly sweated through this suit."
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"I guess Rose forgot to mention the reception tonight's black-tie."
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"I have it in my pocket."
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"I'll bet you were surprised"
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"when Rose called you up suddenly and invited you out."
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