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Clips from Three's Company - Chrissy Come Home (S02E02)

"Well, that-that's the worst possible time."
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"There's absolutely nobody around. [ Knocking ]"
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"- I didn't hear that. - No."
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"[ Clears Throat ] I'm just going to see who's not there."
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"Jack. I think that you and I had better have a little talk."
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"All right? Sure. I mean..."
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"Now... Now, it isn't as though you're getting married for the first time."
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"Too true."
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"I just wanted to see how Jack was makin' out."
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"[ No Audible Dialogue ]"
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"Hello."
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"Oh. Oh, Reverend, uh..."
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"Mr. Roper, I'm... It's my pleasure."
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"Give me your hand. Chrissy, let's do it in the kitchen."
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"Janet, come help hold me down, please. Yes. Yes."
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"You a friend of Jack's? Well, I hope Jack thinks so."
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"But right at this moment, he's not too sure."
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"How come? I think I shook him up when I offered to marry him."
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"Yes, I'm afraid Jack thinks I'm rushing him."
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"- How long have you known Jack? - I just met him today."
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"But I can tell he's a fine boy,"
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"and I'd like to get this marriage over with."
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"- I don't believe in putting things off. - You sure don't."
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"Mind? I wouldn't miss it for the world."
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"Thank you."
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"Chrissy, honey, I would do just about anything for you,"
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"Janet's right, Chrissy. This has gone too far. The next thing you know..."
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"What do you mean the last thing in the world you want to do is marry me?"
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"What? Oh, Jack, I just mean that... What's wrong with me?"
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"Nothin's wrong with you, honey. Then why did you say the last thing in the world..."
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"you'd wanna do is marry... Jack, please. We haven't got time to go into that."
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"I suppose you think you're Miss Perfect."
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"This is not gonna help us get out of this mess."
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"It was your big mouth that got us into this mess."
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"All I was trying to do... Jack, Janet! Please stop."
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"It's bad luck to fight on your wedding day."
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"[ Doorbell Rings ]"
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"Uh, excuse me."
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"Oh, Stanley... Come in, Helen. You gotta see this."
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"Oh. Well, how do you do, Mrs. Roper?"
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"I'm so glad to see you. We could use another witness."
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"A witness? To what?"
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"There's gonna be a wedding."
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"A wedding? Well, who's getting married?"
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"You'll never guess."
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"- [ Chuckling ] Jack and Janet. - What?"
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"Jack and Janet!"
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"Janet can't marry Jack."
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"Congratulations! Oh!"
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"There isn't gonna be any wedding. [ Mr. Roper ] What?"
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"I beg your pardon? That's right, Daddy."
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"[ Mouthing Words ]"
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"Stanley, why didn't you tell me that was Chrissy's father?"
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"Oh, Daddy, could you go in the kitchen and talk to me, please?"
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"Can I stay? 'Cause I don't know what's going on around here."
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"Come on, Stanley. This is private. Let's go."
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"And, Jack, Janet, look, whatever your problems are,"
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"I'm sure you can work 'em out."
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"Look at me and Stanley."
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"Chrissy, you said you had something to tell me. [ Door Closes ]"
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"Yes, I do. Um... Would you mind? No, sure."
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"Sit down, Daddy."
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"Please?"
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"Daddy, remember when I was a little girl..."
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"I remember."
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"II Chronicles 18:15."
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"And you said, "The truth shall set you free.""
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"John 8:32."
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"Um, Father, I cannot tell a lie."
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"- George Washington? - [ Sucks Teeth ]"
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"- Chrissy, just what is it you're trying to tell me? - They were never married."
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"Then you mean that Jack is just living here with her?"
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"Oh, no. He's not."
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"No. He's living here with both of us."
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"- Both of you? - Oh, it's absolutely innocent, Daddy."
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"Innocent? Why, Chrissy,"
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"this is absolutely scandalous."
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"This is immoral!"
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"It's Sodom and Gomorrah! That's what it is!"
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"Jack is here for practical reasons."
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""Practical reasons"?"
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"Well, I'll tell you what's practical."
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"Oh! This is my home."
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"This is not a home."
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"This is a den of vipers."
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"This is a playground for the devil."
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""Can a man take fire in his bosom..."
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""and his clothes not be burned?"
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""Can a man walk upon hot coals..."
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"and his feet not be burned?""
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"Can a man say something? No."
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"You see... And you stay away from my daughter."
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"Oh, Daddy! Jack is my friend."
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"Just like Janet is my friend."
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"To me, Jack is no different from Janet."
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"I'm not? No, I mean... Hey, I'm not."
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"Young man, please! Now, wait, Reverend. I know what's bugging you."
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"I just want you to know that I'm packing my things and leaving right now."
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"Well, where will you go? I'm going back to the Y.M.C.A."
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"Listen to me. This place is just as much your home as it is mine."
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"I'll leave. Chrissy."
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"- No, wait. Then I'll have to leave. - Why?"
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"I can't stay here alone with Jack. My father wouldn't like it."
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"Why? Your father's not a minister."
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"No, but he's half Italian."
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"Well, don't worry, Janet. I'm the one who's leaving. Chrissy, you're staying."
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"No, she is not. Chrissy, you are coming home with me."
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"Uh, excuse me. Isn't there a commandment that says,"
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""Thou shalt not push thy daughter around"?"
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"Now, look here, young man... Wait a minute!"
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"Chrissy, stay out of it. How can I stay out of it..."
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"when I'm the only it that's in it?"
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"Daddy, you say you know what's best for me."
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"Aren't you interested in hearing what I think is best for me?"
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"Of course I am. I'm a reasonable man."
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"Well... Excuse me. I think maybe I hear something burning."
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"Well, Daddy, I'm not a little girl anymore."
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"And I'm just trying to make a life for myself here,"
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"just like you made a life for yourself back home."
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"And I don't know how long I'm gonna stay here."
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