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Clips from Scrubs - My Drive By (S04E04)

"a basic heart block, but someone took the time"
Scrubs
"to find out that recently he'd been camping,"
Scrubs
"but I'd like that someone to step forward"
Scrubs
"This is no time to be modest. Come now."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God, it was me!"
Scrubs
"I'm a huge brain in a ripped-up body."
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"I am Jesus H. Cox., M.D."
Scrubs
"I'd like to recognise some of the other players involved."
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"There was the intern who originally misdiagnosed the patient."
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"Then there was the resident who confirmed that misdiagnosis."
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"I was up late watching a Designing Women marathon."
Scrubs
"who wanted to crack open Mr Blake's chest like a walnut"
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"He's too modest to introduce himself to the group, so I'll do the honours."
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"so bald, and he can't eat cupcakes because he's got diabetes."
Scrubs
"Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Turk."
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"Not until people start chanting my name,"
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"so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head"
Scrubs
"See, this diagnosing machine, this fabulous thing,"
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"Cox."
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"Cox. Cox."
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"Oh, so me!"
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"- What does he do for a living? - I should know that."
Scrubs
"What's the sex like?"
Scrubs
"You are a weird and angry man!"
Scrubs
"Jake's not gettin' any."
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"You're half a glass of wine away from nuding up and doing your go-to move."
Scrubs
"yelling, "Don't look at me!""
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"- 'Night, Elliot. - Good night, Jake."
Scrubs
"Four, please."
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"Try not to breathe on the chrome, Lurch."
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"Cox! Cox! Cox!"
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Let me get a knife!"
Scrubs
"What a story, huh? Blood, bravery, illegal immigrants... It had it all."
Scrubs
"there's a slight chance that she actually just might think about you."
Scrubs
"Perry, Perry, Perry."
Scrubs
"You know what the difference between us is?"
Scrubs
"without checking my own reflection every five seconds?"
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"Anyway, I'm not gonna tell anyone about this because unlike you..."
Scrubs
"...unlike you, I got into medicine to help people,"
Scrubs
"The only reason anybody ever does anything is to feed the ego,"
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"because that's what we are, ego monsters."
Scrubs
"Mark my words, eventually you will tell people what you did."
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"- Oh, we'll see. - Yeah, we'll see."
Scrubs
"- Want to call it? - That's a good idea."
Scrubs
"I don't know how to avoid sleeping with Jake."
Scrubs
"It's easy. If you find yourself in a romantic situation,"
Scrubs
"do something that's a turn-off."
Scrubs
"Can you really swallow your whole fist?"
Scrubs
"Don't ruin it."
Scrubs
"Do you guys have any other ideas?"
Scrubs
"Really? She spent two years dealing with yours."
Scrubs
"I hate that thing."
Scrubs
"Sir, you probably haven't noticed this,"
Scrubs
"but the floors around here are so clean you can see yourself in them."
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"Why you handsome son of a gun!"
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"Oh, bellissimo!"
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"and I know some toilets flush upward..."
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"The one thing that I'm proud of is that these floors are so clean"
Scrubs
"you could eat off of 'em."
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"Why is that?"
Scrubs
"you can just eat there from now on."
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"Soup night was the worst."
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"All-righty. Point proving time."
Scrubs
"Tell me you didn't try to get free guacamole again"
Scrubs
"by telling them you were married to one of their people."
Scrubs
"So, what did happen at the taco stand?"
Scrubs
"There are people in life who know how to push your buttons..."
Scrubs
"and gave him an emergency trach."
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"All of you know I'm not one to toot my own horn, but..."
Scrubs
"Pee Pants to place and Wrong-Way Wally not to finish."
Scrubs
"- He does have glaucoma. - I should've been told!"
Scrubs
"It wouldn't have mattered. You know why? Because I am always right."
Scrubs
"It's something my pal Gandhi knows a little something about"
Scrubs
"because, you see, we are both egotistical peas"
Scrubs
"in a giant narcissistic pod."
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"And to prove my point,"
Scrubs
"I am going to go ahead and make an unnecessarily showy,"
Scrubs
"I would so mock him right now"
Scrubs
"if I wasn't so turned on."
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"I'm not like that, am I?"
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"Yeah. The way you do that victory dance"
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"every time you win the slightest argument."
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"- No, I don't. - Maybe not."
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"I hope you didn't mind J.D. Tagging along."
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"- Bye. - Bye."
Scrubs
"Elliot, you can't keep taking J.D. Everywhere you go."
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"You're gonna have to trust yourself."
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"No, I won't, Carla. The system is working. Trust me."
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"I will not be having sex with Jake anytime soon."
Scrubs
"That seems like a strange thing to announce to your friends."
Scrubs
"Look away. Look away!"
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"- All your references checked out. - I never gave you any references."
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"Where the hell's my Rascal?"
Scrubs
"How do you like my new floor waxer?"
Scrubs
"That's not yours! That's my car thing. You just painted it!"
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"- I did not. - You've got green paint on your face."
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"I do... Well, that's not paint. That's pudding."
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"Even if this was the Rascal, you can't prove anything."
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"And it's no good to hide it from me cos I got keys to everything."
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"Except the third floor mental ward. Someone stole that one."
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"- Was he smoking a gavel? - Seemed to be."
Scrubs
"Why do I have to have my gallbladder taken out?"
Scrubs
"Because, Mr Hoffner, you have gallstones."
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"Did you possibly eat a gall-boulder and then fall on your stomach?"
Scrubs
"Wait, that's not completely true."
Scrubs
"You'll feel better, I'm gonna get the most annoying patient out of my hair."
Scrubs
"I hand-picked the surgeon that you're going to be torturing."
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"- Here he is now. - Is this the gallbladder guy?"
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"- I'm giving up on men. - Just call him."
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"- You can't make me. - Unfortunately,"
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"I know that the guy you're dating is always under speed dial number one."
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"Two is your current boyfriend."
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"Listen, Jake..."
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"It's not that I'm never going to have sex with you."
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"I'm gonna go ahead and take you off speaker phone."
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"Hi."
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"Gandhi... a word."
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"Look, I know what you're doing in there."
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"You think if you act like Dr Sad Sack,"
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