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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Ornithophobia Diffusion (S05E05)

"The only reason I went is because you wanted to see them and I wanted sex."
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"To this day I can't see a Sandra Bullock poster..."
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"...without getting both bored and aroused."
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"So while we were going out, how often would you pretend..."
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"All the time."
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"You're kidding."
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"Does this sound familiar?"
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""I'd love to go shoe shopping with you.""
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""Hiking, it's great.""
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""it's 2 a.m., of course, I wanna go to Koreatown..."
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"...and sing karaoke with your friends. Who wouldn't?""
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"Okay. We were going out. You were gonna get sex anyway."
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"No. No woman would."
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"See, now, that's the great thing. We're out as friends."
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"This is not a date. Sex is off the table."
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"So let's go learn why hydroelectric power..."
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"...might not be the environmental bargain you think it is."
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"Sorry, spoiler alert."
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"- Ugh. All right. Fine. - Thanks."
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"Uh, tickets are 11 bucks."
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"Not a date."
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"Come on, Sheldon. Star Wars."
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"I'm pushing play. I mean it."
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"Yeah, if we don't start soon, George Lucas is gonna change it again."
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"This would go a lot faster if you put your diploma to work..."
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"...and help me set up this high-frequency tone generator."
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"I have a master's degree from MIT."
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"The question you should be asking is, what is their problem with me?"
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"My first memory, a hummingbird dive-bombing my stroller..."
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"...to get at the apple juice in my sippy cup."
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"Hummingbirds are pretty."
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"Hummingbirds are the vampires of the flower world."
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"Still my first choice for an ankle tattoo."
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"Or a dolphin. I go back and forth."
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"Age 7, a blood-thirsty chicken chases me up a tree."
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"Age 12, a magpie tries to steal the retainer out of my mouth."
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"Age 16, a parrot in a pet store calls me fat ass."
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"Need I go on?"
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"Yes, please. This is way better than the movie, heh."
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"All right, Sheldon. Your bird death ray is ready."
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"It's not a death ray. It's just a little ultrasonic blast to scare him off."
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"Trust me, if I had a death ray, I wouldn't be living here."
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"I'd be in my lair enjoying the money the people of Earth gave me..."
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"...for not using my death ray."
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"All right. And in three, two, one."
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"That is one tough birdie."
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"No, I was thinking how come they get to leave and I can't."
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"I'm gonna get some fries. You want anything?"
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"- Uh, no, thanks. - Are you sure?"
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"Because you always say no, and then you eat half my fries."
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"No, I love them. I save them for the end, but they're gone because you ate them."
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"And why did I let you eat them?"
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"- To get sex. - Exactly."
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"But this is not a date."
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"So I ask again. Would you like anything?"
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"- All right. I'd like an order of fries. - Great. That'll be 5 dollars."
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"I'm so glad you suggested we do this."
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"- Oh. Sorry. - No problem."
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"- What you writing there? - Uh, a screenplay."
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"It's about a guy whose roommate is having sex and tells him to go..."
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"...and work on his screenplay."
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"- It's a working title. - Oh. Ha, ha."
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"- I'm Kevin. - Oh, Penny."
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"Nice to meet you."
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"- I'll let you get back to your date. - Oh, no, no. This isn't a date. No."
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"Right?"
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"So have you written anything I might have seen?"
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"That depends. How much time do you spend on Yelp?"
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"This is ridiculous."
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"This isn't a terrifying bird like a swan or a goose."
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"One, two, three."
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"Go. Shoo."
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"Bird in the apartment. Bird in the apartment."
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"No!"
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"So it is an amazing documentary."
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"...but at the same time, they wanna preserve the environment."
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"You're kidding me."
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"- Uh, can I see you for a sec over here? - Oh, sure. Just one sec?"
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"No problem."
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"- What? - You're going to talk to that guy..."
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"- ...because I said we weren't on a date. - I'm talking to him because he's cute."
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"- Uh, come on. He's not that cute. - Yes, he is..."
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"...with his dorky T-shirt and his little hipster glasses."
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"I wear dorky T-shirts and glasses."
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"Yes, but when you're tall and have great cheekbones, you're doing it ironically."
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"- So, what if I start talking to a girl? - You should."
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"- Yeah, heh. I'm serious, I'll do it. - Good, go."
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"There's some girls right over there."
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"- What are you waiting for? - They're in a group. I'm scared."
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"Sheldon, what do you expect us to do?"
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"You're biologists. Biology is the study of living things."
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"That's a living thing. Get cracking."
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"I specialize in microorganisms and Amy studies brains."
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"Yeah, neither of us minored in bird shooing."
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"...must've included a varmints and critters class."
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"Come back in, Sheldon. He's not gonna hurt you."
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"He looks friendly. I think he might be someone's pet."
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"What? No, Bernadette. Don't be a hero."
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"- Aw, he's a sweetie. - Yes. He's very sweet."
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"Now slowly and carefully flush him down the toilet."
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"Sheldon, the only way to get past this fear is to interact with it."
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"Just like you did with the mailman."
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"Every year, tens of people around the world are killed by birds."
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"I'm not going to be another statistic."
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"Look how sweet he is. Come over and say hi."
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"Come on, you can do it."
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"Don't be scared."
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"Oh, just pet the bird, you big baby."
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"I did it, heh."
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"I actually did it."
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"Um, let's see."
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"Hiking."
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"Karaoke in Koreatown."
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"Any Jennifer Anniston movie."
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"- Hey, sorry I ditched you. - No, it's fine. Ditch away."
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"Oh, no. We were gonna hang out. Let's hang out."
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"- It's cool. Go back to Kevin. - No, he had to leave."
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"Interesting."
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"So now that he's gone, you wanna hang out with me."
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"- This must be Penny. - Yep."
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