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Clips from Family Guy - The 2,000-Year-Old Virgin (S13E13)

"Well, you're easy to talk to."
Family Guy
"What do you mean?"
Family Guy
"you died for our sins and ascended into Heaven,"
Family Guy
"and show her who you are."
Family Guy
"That's the second best advice anyone's ever given me."
Family Guy
"I don't know, man."
Family Guy
"So just go with "H"? Yeah."
Family Guy
"All right, guys, let's not get discouraged, okay?"
Family Guy
"I just tell folks to go down to the Happy Handy Smile Massage"
Family Guy
"I sometimes go down there,"
Family Guy
"and when they tell me I'm done, I leave."
Family Guy
"can I talk to you for a sec? Sure."
Family Guy
"Peter, listen."
Family Guy
"and someone I feel very close to."
Family Guy
"Oh, wow. Jesus, that's great!"
Family Guy
"Somebody told me you guys went out once."
Family Guy
"Yeah, we did. But it was a disaster."
Family Guy
"Jesus, take the wheel."
Family Guy
"Lois, my partner at the law firm?"
Family Guy
"No, Peter. It's your Lois."
Family Guy
"Lois Griffin."
Family Guy
"But probably not as outraged"
Family Guy
"as the ten million Christians watching."
Family Guy
"Maybe we can both stop these Hollywood Jew writers"
Family Guy
"You want to lose your virginity to Lois?!"
Family Guy
"No way!"
Family Guy
"But this is my wife you're talking about!"
Family Guy
"Please, Peter?"
Family Guy
"I just know Lois would make my first experience"
Family Guy
"Plus, I can make it worth your while."
Family Guy
"After all, I'm Jesus."
Family Guy
"I could give you anything you want."
Family Guy
"Anything?"
Family Guy
"Really?"
Family Guy
"Well, except one thing."
Family Guy
"Good evening, sir."
Family Guy
"Would you like to hear our specials?"
Family Guy
"You want me to have sex with another man?"
Family Guy
"This is Jesus we're talking about."
Family Guy
"He could even save our marriage."
Family Guy
"Why? What's wrong with our marriage?"
Family Guy
""What's wrong with our marriage?""
Family Guy
"You're sitting around, talking about sleeping with other guys!"
Family Guy
"Peter, this was your idea!"
Family Guy
"Lois, let's not play the blame game."
Family Guy
"Clearly, there's been a lot of cheating on both sides,"
Family Guy
"Sleeping with Jesus just feels wrong."
Family Guy
"Doesn't the Bible say not to covet thy neighbor's wife?"
Family Guy
"Oh, come on, Lois, the Bible's"
Family Guy
"None of the commandments are written in stone."
Family Guy
"You're really okay with this?"
Family Guy
"Look, there really is no downside to this."
Family Guy
"It's one of those things that seems bad, but really is good."
Family Guy
"Like that fracking company we let drill in the backyard."
Family Guy
"Well, I guess it is kind of an honor"
Family Guy
"that out of all the people in the world, Jesus chose me."
Family Guy
"I mean, he could've had anyone."
Family Guy
"And-and the Son of God's first time should be special."
Family Guy
"Maybe I'd actually be doing a good thing."
Family Guy
"You bet."
Family Guy
"As sure as I was when I created Lady Gaga."
Family Guy
"All right, listen, fella, your game is confusion."
Family Guy
"Zip! Zam! Zoop!"
Family Guy
"Boy, this must be killing you."
Family Guy
"You're an atheist, and the one guy you don't believe in"
Family Guy
"You know what? I don't have to sit here and take this."
Family Guy
"Can-can you let me outside?"
Family Guy
"Well, hello, young man."
Family Guy
"Don't you look nice?"
Family Guy
"* Pulsing through my veins *"
Family Guy
"Oh, and don't worry about not hittinbottom."
Family Guy
"I'll take it over here on my Brookstone massage chair."
Family Guy
"That's a nice chair, Peter."
Family Guy
"Hey, do you think if I let Jesus sleep with Bonnie,"
Family Guy
"Joe, I don't speak for Jesus. I just get him trim."
Family Guy
"Now to take this thing out for a spin."
Family Guy
"Jesus! Jesus!"
Family Guy
"Are you in one, too?"
Family Guy
"Oh. I'm just trying mine out in the store."
Family Guy
"Guys! I think I might've made a terrible mistake"
Family Guy
"to let Jesus have relations with your wife."
Family Guy
"Great, now everybody knows"
Family Guy
"my wife is taking Jesus's virginity."
Family Guy
"Listen, pal, Jesus ain't no virgin."
Family Guy
"He what?!"
Family Guy
"and my buddy's wife the year before that."
Family Guy
"What the hell?"
Family Guy
"Nah, he just acts lonely and lies about being a virgin"
Family Guy
"Did he show you that sad little apartment?"
Family Guy
"He doesn't really live there."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God, what have I done?!"
Family Guy
"Peter, maybe there's still time! Maybe you can stop them!"
Family Guy
"Where are they?"
Family Guy
"They're at the Barrington Hotel! Let's go, guys!"
Family Guy
"I just ordered nachos, but good luck, Peter."
Family Guy
"Aw, crap!"
Family Guy
"I just pulled a thousand muscles!"
Family Guy
"Ah, yeah, that was all bone!"
Family Guy
"Oh! Aw! Son of a whore!"
Family Guy
"Oh, this is bad. This is real bad."
Family Guy
"Damn it!"
Family Guy
"What are you, a cop?"
Family Guy
"Oh, then here! Take it!"
Family Guy
"So do I!"
Family Guy
"Lenny Kravitz is about to have sex with my daughter!"
Family Guy
"Get out of here! What are you doing?!"
Family Guy
"Go, go, go!"
Family Guy
"And I need your little hat."
Family Guy
"And what's in your pockets?"
Family Guy
"All of it, all of it."
Family Guy
"Aw, crap. I'm out of hill."
Family Guy
"I ain't much for book reading, sir."
Family Guy
"But I seen our Lord and Savior bring a lady in there"
Family Guy
"You're a good boy."
Family Guy
"Here's a goose."
Family Guy
"What room is Jesus in?"
Family Guy
"Peter?"
Family Guy
"I think I had, like, a Christmas miracle."
Family Guy
"humping my wife for a chair."
Family Guy
"Nothing happened."
Family Guy
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