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Clips from King of the Hill - Hank's Back Story (S05E05)

"Yeah, Peggy was telling me."
King of the Hill
"- Me, too! - Plan on eating my dust, Gribble."
King of the Hill
"So unless you plan on buying Mason 5000s between now and race day..."
King of the Hill
"And I'll say this to you, and to you, and to you:"
King of the Hill
"You mean back out of the race or back out of this position?"
King of the Hill
"I spent three hours last night working on my starts."
King of the Hill
"There. Just take it. Take it all."
King of the Hill
"I'm trying to lose weight so I have a better chance in the mower race."
King of the Hill
"and you still wouldn't be able to take a corner like me."
King of the Hill
"- Thank you, Gina. - Dr. Tate."
King of the Hill
"Yes."
King of the Hill
"A lawnmower didn't cause this, it's genetic."
King of the Hill
"I don't understand. What does that mean?"
King of the Hill
"It's a prosthetic you wear over your backside..."
King of the Hill
"HANK: Yeah, we're made for each other."
King of the Hill
"No, not at all."
King of the Hill
"Hank Grill."
King of the Hill
"All right, that tears it. Dad, you give that to me right now!"
King of the Hill
"What information have you brought me, Octavio?"
King of the Hill
"Bill is losing weight, jefe."
King of the Hill
"Octavio, release the chicken."
King of the Hill
"[Dale clucking]"
King of the Hill
"Hank, do not just stand there watching Dale mow a chicken."
King of the Hill
"You know how I always hated having a lawn."
King of the Hill
"DAVE: We're back here, Hank."
King of the Hill
"But Peggy said there was a propane... Oh, no."
King of the Hill
"Phil. Six-and-a-half years."
King of the Hill
"We are not a support group. We're hobbyists."
King of the Hill
"Your wife told me about the awful incident with your orthotic."
King of the Hill
"That's what I kept saying."
King of the Hill
"I know their names."
King of the Hill
"They were my neighbors, and my best friends, and..."
King of the Hill
"Hank, none of what's said here leaves the group."
King of the Hill
"But on a serious note, Peggy..."
King of the Hill
"don't ever report a false propane emergency again."
King of the Hill
"Believe me, I prayed on it, Hank..."
King of the Hill
"The race? I'm done with that nonsense."
King of the Hill
"but I'm not gonna give my so-called friends and family an opportunity..."
King of the Hill
"to ridicule me in public."
King of the Hill
"Bobby!"
King of the Hill
"That's a ladies tape. What are you doing?"
King of the Hill
"You know how much I like to sit."
King of the Hill
"and sit anywhere you want."
King of the Hill
"INSTRUCTOR: Left cheek, right shes/n..."
King of the Hill
"DAVE: So, Hank, I see you're sitting this week."
King of the Hill
"Yes, I am."
King of the Hill
"to wear my orthotic with pride."
King of the Hill
"because chances are I've passed this debilitating condition on to him."
King of the Hill
"And there is one thing I can do to help my son lead a happy, shame-free life."
King of the Hill
"And that's to win the Durndle County Lawnmower Race."
King of the Hill
"- All right, Hank. - Way to go, Hank."
King of the Hill
"What the... I thought we were an unbeatable team."
King of the Hill
"Take a seat, Hank."
King of the Hill
"I'm sorry, Hank. it's just that I don't know what it's like."
King of the Hill
"God forbid in 20 years Bobby gets it."
King of the Hill
"welcomes you to the Durndle County Speedway."
King of the Hill
"Our day begins with the lightning speed of the drag races."
King of the Hill
"Not you. I was talking to Hank."
King of the Hill
"I'm gonna mow laps around both of you!"
King of the Hill
"The race will begin in one minute!"
King of the Hill
"All right, Octavio."
King of the Hill
"and I just might overcome my weak driving skills."
King of the Hill
"ANNOUNCER: Racers, start your engines!"
King of the Hill
"[mow]!"
King of the Hill
"I did better than I thought I would."
King of the Hill
"Mr. Non-U.S. Lawnmower Association Approved Helmet."
King of the Hill
"ANNOUNCER: Ten laps down, ten laps to mow!"
King of the Hill
"Hank, I just wanna say I'm proud of you."
King of the Hill
"My cheeks blew out."
King of the Hill
"Yes, you can. There's less than one lap to go."
King of the Hill
"Gut it out."
King of the Hill
"Watch out. I'm pulling off the track."
King of the Hill
"We're here! No rear! Get used to it!"
King of the Hill
"What a battle for sixth place!"
King of the Hill
"Well, I'm sorry I let you down by not winning the race."
King of the Hill
"She's a beaut. What kind of engine? Briggs and Stratton?"
King of the Hill
"Well, why don't you give your friend my card?"
King of the Hill
"Excuse me. I think you could use it, too."
King of the Hill
"I need some new cheeks."
King of the Hill
"Gentlemen, you are looking at the next winner..."
King of the Hill
"Mower races? Well, good for Durndle."
King of the Hill
"Me and my Mason 5000 will do 20 laps around the track..."
King of the Hill
"at speeds approaching 12 miles an hour."
King of the Hill
"I've chosen you three to be my pit crew."
King of the Hill
"Pit crew? Stuff that, mister. If there's organized mower-racing, I'm in."
King of the Hill
"Fine. You're all fired from my pit crew."
King of the Hill
"and not having them anonymously vandalized, plan on losing."
King of the Hill
"Dale, it's the man, not the machine that wins races."
King of the Hill
"There's more where that came from."
King of the Hill
"Oh, man."
King of the Hill
"and I never get to wear my cape?"
King of the Hill
"Now, Hank, according to my count..."
King of the Hill
"this is the fifth or eighth time that your back has gone out this year."
King of the Hill
"Will you make an appointment already?"
King of the Hill
"See, if I can beat Boomhauer off the line, he'll fall apart mentally."
King of the Hill
"What is it with you mower-racers and your stubborn code of honor?"
King of the Hill
"I see a doctor whenever I'm incapacitated..."
King of the Hill
"and it does not make me any less of a man."
King of the Hill
"I am not incapacitated. Enough said."
King of the Hill
"I don't want any more junk food in my house."
King of the Hill
"- Bill, are the rats back? - I don't know."
King of the Hill
"Well, Bill, you could lose 100 pounds..."
King of the Hill
"Well, I've got news for you. I could never lose 100 pounds."
King of the Hill
"And you haven't been practicing. Your lawn is shaggy!"
King of the Hill
"Mr. Hill, you have a compression of the discs in your lower back."
King of the Hill
"- Genetic as in fatal? - No."
King of the Hill
"For years, you've basically been sitting on your spine."
King of the Hill
"You suffer from a disease called Diminished Gluteal Syndrome or DGS."
King of the Hill
"Mr. Hill, you have no ass."
King of the Hill
"Diminished Gluteal Syndrome? How could this happen to me?"
King of the Hill
"Let me show you something. Gina, the chart."
King of the Hill
"This drawing shows a healthy gluteus maximus."
King of the Hill
"Dr. TATE: You, have this body type."
King of the Hill
"It's actually quite common in the suburbs."
King of the Hill
"A white male with small buttocks and protruding belly..."
King of the Hill
"often caused by pronounced consumption of beer."
King of the Hill
"My rear end isn't as flat as that guy's."
King of the Hill
"I'm going to prescribe a gluteal orthotic device."
King of the Hill
"to help alleviate the pressure on your spine."
King of the Hill
"You want me to wear a fake heinie?"
King of the Hill
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