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Clips from 30 Rock - Christmas Special (S03E03)

"I'm not going to rest until the "Letters to Santa" program is shut down."
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"What is wrong with you?"
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"It was just two dudes, Kenneth."
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"There were no kids up there and there definitely weren't any hugs around here."
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"maybe you should just host "The Price is Right.""
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"This is a religious holiday, when has religion ever caused any trouble?"
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"That's right, a Cranky Sue."
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"I know in my heart that children got those presents."
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"It's dinner break. Tracy, we're going uptown."
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"No. Dr. Williams said, "boundaries.""
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"Oh, mother, you shouldn't be exerting yourself like that."
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"I'm sorry that work has kept me from spending more time with you."
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"Eight minutes? Maybe?"
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"John Francis Donaghy..."
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"How could you? How could you?"
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"Waiting eight minutes to call 9-1-1."
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"I don't know what you're talking about, mother,"
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"16 AM."
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"The watch that my son gave me for Christmas,"
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"not the one I wanted by the way!"
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"You had just set it before it broke of course!"
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"And it stopped at 8:08!"
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"Exhibit C!"
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"Numbers, unlike children, don't lie!"
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"What kind of son --"
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"What kind of mother tells her son that"
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"John Kennedy died because he talked in church?"
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"Or tells her son when he's voted captain of the diving team,"
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"Oh!"
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"Or invites strange men over on Christmas Eve?!"
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"Don't turn this around, Jackie! Don't make this about me!"
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"It's always about you!"
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"I am 50 years old."
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"and I'm not letting you take this one down too!"
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"More snow machines!"
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"Lebowsky out."
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"This bare door is a scam door."
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"Get ready to have your little bubble burst."
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"I'm the one who made Christmas happen!"
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"Daddy, she said there's no Santa Claus!"
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"What is wrong with you?!"
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"No, I, it's a, I did a good thing. I got the letter from--"
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"Yeah, the letter that said "Dear Santa," not "Dear Lonely White Lady.""
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"Could I offer you tickets to a live Christmas special in the tradition of Andy Williams."
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"Okay, you were right. So, yeah, you were right."
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"that makes "It's a Wonderful Life" look like "Pulp Fiction.""
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"Where the hell is Mrs. Claus, you can't do Christmas Eve without her."
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"How can we not have Mrs. Claus?"
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"I didn't realize you were serious about that so I cut it --"
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"Everyone knows that on Christmas Eve Mrs. Claus hangs your stockings"
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"and then puts out food for Santa."
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"Then you sing songs around the piano until she tucks you in."
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"That's not a thing, Jack."
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"No, Mrs. Claus must have been something special that Colleen did."
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"Probably to make up for the fact that your dad wasn't around."
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"Have I not told you about my mom's Yuletide boyfriend,"
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"good old Frederick August Otto Schwarz III?"
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"F.A.O. Schwartz, like the toy store?"
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"His family owned some toy stores. Yes, so what?"
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"She did it for you."
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"Not possible. She didn't do anything for us."
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"You couldn't even see the tree!"
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"In five, four, three..."
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"# Chestnuts roasting on an open fire?"
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"# Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
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"# Yuletide carols being sung by a choir?"
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"# Everybody knows a turkey and some mistle toe?"
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"So if you'd like... you can spend it with the Jordans."
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"I'd love to, Tracy."
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"Good. We'll be over at 2:00."
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"but my dogs only eat steak."
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"# They know that Santa's on his way?"
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"What on earth is the matter with you?"
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"I love you mother and I don't want you to die."
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"I'm never going to, Jackie."
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"# Although it's been said?"
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"# Merry Christmas?"
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"# Merry Christmas?"
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"# Merry Christmas to you?"
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"Would you, please?"
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"Hey are you almost done? We need to get out of here --"
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"You're welcome, Glovers."
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"-- and one by the toilet."
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"Jack, you were in shock."
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"It was an accident."
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"Hey!"
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"Tracy, you made $300 million this year."
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"It's gonna cost you a fortune to ship all this."
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"Exciting news, everyone."
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"This is it, 4-D."
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"Donaghy wants a Santa costume and a Mrs. Claus."
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"Not with Colleen around."
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"and it would turn into some boozy, burlesque travesty!"
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"What is wrong with me?"
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"It's Christmas!"
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"I mean, if I want to lick a hippie I'll just return Joan Baez's phone calls."
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"I'm sweating like a grape picker."
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"Fifty years of criticism and feelings of inadequacy."
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"Oh, so how'd it go uptown, Miss Lemon?"
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"You are being a real Scrooge!"
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"They didn't, Kenneth. I'll prove it to you."
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"What kind of time, Jackie?"
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"I can't believe it!"
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"Your cell phone bill."
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"What about Santa?!"
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"We're on in 30 seconds."
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"You can't cut Mrs. Claus!"
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"Jack, I think your mother "put out" on Christmas to get you kids presents."
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"Liz Lemon, I know you're going to be all alone on Christmas Day."
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"My kids have a peanut allergy,"
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"Okay."
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"And I'm off to have a real Christmas."
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"Lemon --"
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"We are going to put on a live Christmas Eve Special this year!"
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"Yes, that's right."
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"You have ruined every Christmas I've ever had"
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"Hello?"
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"What is wrong with you people?!"
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"Oh, my gosh, are you DeShante and Marcus?"
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"I know. But I have a new family, the Glovers."
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