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Clips from The Simpsons - Margical History Tour (S15E15)

"I just planted my seed in your womanly dirt."
The Simpsons
"Your Majesty, I know you want a son."
The Simpsons
"But must we discuss my womb in front of the entire court?"
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"that her womb is filled with sea serpents."
The Simpsons
"(GROANS)"
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"Must sire a dude. Must sire a dude."
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"I'm smart, athletic and ever so masculine."
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"Oh!"
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"My beautiful boy! Why can't I have you?"
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"I could've married the King of France."
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"Ting-a-ling-a-ling. Know what I mean?"
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"Oh, look at me. I eat and eat and eat, and I never get any thinner."
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"Who would dare to flatter a king?"
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"Modern Wench magazine dubbed me"
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"Yes. Wide hips indeed."
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"My son could cartwheel out. Yoink!"
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"Hey! Where are you taking me?"
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"Mmm."
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"Fine! I want to marry Anne Boleyn."
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"because her father is the King of Spain!"
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"And who needs that?"
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"I say trade in that lemon and get busy!"
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"I'll start my own church."
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"What?"
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"Yes, my own church. Where divorce will be so easy,"
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"and I think a celibate ltalian weirdo"
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"Mmm, I understand."
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"I can see my house!"
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"Sweetie, sometimes a daddy and a mommy decide to live apart."
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"It's not your fault."
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"It's just that you came out the wrong sex and ruined everything."
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"So grow a penis or get lost."
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"(STRAINING)"
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"I can't. Buh-bye."
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"Well, why can't your heir be female?"
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"Or why can't we elect our leaders?"
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"Hey, I invented divorce! How did you get half of everything?"
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"You should've invented the pre-nup."
The Simpsons
"(LAUGHS)"
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"I pronounce you king and trophy queen."
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"In the name of the Henry, the Hank, and the holy Harry..."
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"Amen. Henry."
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"Okay. Now let's put a son in the oven."
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"Oh, Henry!"
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"so I left a magazine in the basket."
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""Today will bring welcome new changes into your life." Wrong!"
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"Sir Scratchy, I accuse you of conducting a Catholic mass!"
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"Lord ltchy, I accuse you of not signing the Act of Succession."
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"(MOANS)"
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"if only I had a son to enjoy this with."
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"Hey, baby. How would you like to be queen for a day?"
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"take this king to be your lawfully wedded husband"
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"till your first little spat?"
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"I do! I double do! Henry is the ginchiest!"
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"I told you I was a dude!"
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"(SCOFFS) Why on earth did I marry you?"
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"My track record! I've had 10 sons."
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"(SHUDDERS)"
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"Swing and a miss!"
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"Come on! I'm 95."
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"You could use a butter knife, for God's sake."
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"Don't just stand there. Bury me."
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"Sire, I know what you usually do to the bearer of bad news,"
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"but, well, we're running out of pikes"
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"to stick your wives' heads onto."
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"Hey, what do you know? You were right."
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"That means a lot."
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"Listen to us. We still finish each other's sentences."
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"Margarine, won't you take back an old head-chopping fool?"
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"(GASPING)"
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"See ya in hell, fat man!"
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"That was awesome, Mrs. S."
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"Check plus-plus, here I come! (GIGGLING EXCITEDLY)"
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"And I just came in here to trip nerds for nothin'. Ha-ha!"
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"while the boys were learning math."
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"All right! Toilet paper!"
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"In 1804, President Jefferson sent Lewis and Clark"
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"They paddled up the Mississippi from St. Louis."
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"When winter came, Lewis and Clark tried to set up camp,"
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"Long have we awaited the coming of the white man..."
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"And while you're at it, cover your nakedness"
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"Yeah, yeah. I'll get right on it."
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"I offer you the guidance of my daughter, Sacagawea."
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"In our language, her name means "little know-it-all""
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"I don't know why I ever sold you to him."
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"Those leaves are poison oak."
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"And your belt is a snake, also poisonous."
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"But at least people will always remember"
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"and Tweedleburger..."
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"Also, if you're confronted by a mountain lion,"
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"try to make yourself look as big as possible."
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"All right, customers! And they said"
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"Well, nothing can crush the frontier spirit."
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"That'll do it. (GROANS)"
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"SACAGAWEA: That's a mud puddle."
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"We got the job because we own a compass."
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"You morons!"
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"(BOWS COCKING)"
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"Wait! That's my brother!"
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"Don't kill them! They're my friends!"
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"Oh, come on. Can't we at least have one pity scalp?"
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"Ah! My brother-in-law."
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"I haven't seen you since I killed all your buffalo."
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"Don't forget the eyebrows."
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"and get us some sweet mermaid sex."
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"For the last time, those are salmon!"
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"How do you like that? Sacagawea has an opinion."
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"You know, you could be a little more"
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"grateful to us for civilizing you."
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"From now on, you're on your own!"
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"Stupid things with their compasses painted on."
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"She'll be back. She forgot her husband."
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"Ingrates, after all I did for them."
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"(ROARS)"
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"(EXCLAIMS)"
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"(ROARING)"
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"(MEOWS IN FRIGHT)"
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"(GASPS) They remembered what I taught them!"
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"Of course we did. We'll never forget you, Pocahontas."
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"(GASPS) Look!"
The Simpsons
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