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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Stag Convergence (S05E05)

"As a fungus, I have a terrific view growing out of a towering maple tree."
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"And no thank you expensive concessions because as an algae..."
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"...I'll just snack on this sunlight."
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"Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette no strippers."
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"- I'm not into that stuff anymore. - Good. I'm proud of you."
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"So I hear you and the lost boys are having a bachelor party tonight."
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"Yeah. Just going to a restaurant, get some steaks, Scotch. Nothing to worry about."
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"Oh, I will. There is no telling what might happen."
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"You know, there's nothing wrong helping some woman's kid get through their SATs."
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"Whoa, it's a little early to start dropping J-bombs, don't you think?"
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"Agh!"
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"I might need some help covering my share of the check."
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"This is maid of honor, Amy Farrah Fowler..."
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"What do you think your first sexual position will be as husband and wife?"
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"I don't care. Ask her things like, "Are you gonna take Howard's name?""
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"I've been thinking I'm gonna hyphenate."
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"And apparently Wil Wheaton's best friend."
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"Howard, I always thought you'd be the last one of us to ever get married..."
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"...because you are so short and unappealing, am I right?"
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"Okay, let me see. Okay, kidding aside."
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"- Sheldon. - Double buzzinga. I do."
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"I wasn't even wearing my aqua socks."
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"Howard, when I think about you and Bernadette..."
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"Okay, uh, anybody else? Huh?"
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"I'm not done, but thank you."
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"I think back..."
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"...to all the good times we had, like, uh, when we went camping..."
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"...and he told me he lost his virginity to his cousin."
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"Oh, what about that tubby girl in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-Con?"
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"Oh, Internet, this is so going all over you."
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"Yeah, it was great."
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"...and then went online and saw this."
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"You ain't going anywhere, Threeway."
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"...I didn't hire the prostitute, she was a gift from him."
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"...or group sex with the girl dressed as the children's cartoon."
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"Why didn't you tell me?"
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"There was a single cube of chicken bouillon in the cupboard when I moved in."
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"So as they say, two birds."
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"And it came out of you."
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"No."
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"- I'm still really mad at you. - I get that."
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"What's with the robe?"
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"I wish you could all be inside my head."
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"The conversation is sparkling."
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"Fine, I'll tell you."
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"A lichen is an organism made up of two separate species, fungi and algae."
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"If you could merge with another species, what species would you pick and why?"
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"Hint, there is a right answer."
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"None of you will get it."
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"Okay. Um, I'd pick swan because, uh, the resulting hybrid..."
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"...would have the advanced industrial civilization of a human..."
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"...and the long, graceful neck I've always dreamed of having."
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"Wrong. Leonard?"
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"Horse. But mostly just for the height."
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"A little bit for the genital girth."
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"Wrong. And let's keep it clean, shall we?"
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"Kangaroo. Uh, I'd be a kangajew..."
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"...the first of my people to dunk a basketball."
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"Also, instead of just living in your mother's house, you could live inside her body."
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"Clever, but also wrong."
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"No. The best organism for human beings to merge with is the lichen itself."
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"That way you'd be human, fungus and algae."
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"Triple threat."
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"Like three-bean salad."
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"Give me one circumstance that would be useful."
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"All right, picture this. A beautiful outdoor concert."
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"Now, as a human, I appreciate Beethoven."
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"- He got us again. - No, he didn't."
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"Anyway, if it's okay with you, we should talk about Howard's bachelor party."
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"Seems like a bit of a letdown after our lichen conversation, but..."
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"What do you know? You're half-swan."
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"I did some research on strippers."
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"One agency said they can get us a great price..."
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"...if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs."
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"Heh, you don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers."
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"That one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you."
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"What can I tell you?"
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"You're the first of us to get married. We have to do something special."
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"Germans have an interesting pre-wedding custom..."
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"it's probably not for me."
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"Maybe we can go up to, uh, Napa Valley. They've got that wine train..."
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"Boo, wine. But, yay, trains. I'm in."
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"Anyway, it's a beautiful time of year."
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"You travel through the vineyards, there's a tasting on board, and all the wildflowers..."
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"...are in bloom. It's magic."
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"Look at that. In 30 seconds, we went from hiring women to being them."
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"Why should I worry?"
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"It's a bachelor party. There could be strippers. Wouldn't that make you jealous?"
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"Uh, come on, Leonard, it's you. What's gonna happen?"
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"If there was a stripper, all you'd do..."
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"...is avoid eye contact and maybe offer to help her kid with his homework."
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"Hey, I'm a young man in his sexual prime."
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"Under the right conditions, I am capable of just really crazy stuff."
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"Really? What is the craziest thing you've ever done with a woman?"
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"The time we had sex in the ocean does not count."
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"Oh, come on, that's gotta count."
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"There was a really strong undertow. We could've died."
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"Well, have fun tonight."
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"I gotta hand it to Raj. He found a really nice spot to have a bachelor party."
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"It's not bad. Unless you compare it to a train. And then it stinks."
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"- Are you drinking whiskey? - Indeed."
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"If I'm to participate in the social convention that is the stag night..."
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"...then I must embrace all its components..."
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"...including tobacco, swear words and, yes, alcohol."
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"Jeepers, that's yucky."
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"- Hey, you guys. - Hey. Nice of you to make it out for Howard."
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"It was either this or another hot tub party at George Takei's house."
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"I'm confused. I thought since our reconciliation..."
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"...I was your friend in this group."
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"- Oh, I'm friends with Howard too. - Oh."
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"I guess you're just friends with anybody."
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"Hey, uh, Leonard, things are a little tight at the comic book store."
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"Oh, yeah. No worries."
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"- And maybe a few bucks for the valet. - Oh, all right."
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"- And gas money to get home. - Yeah, sure."
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"You know what, this is my grandfather's watch..."
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"- Oh. - ...18-karat gold."
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"- Got it in Europe during the war. - Wow, it's very nice."
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"Mm-hm. A hundred bucks and it's yours."
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"Hey, everybody, the bachelor boy has arrived."
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