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Clips from Friends - The One with Phoebe's Rats (S09E09)

"So hot, l cried myself to sleep last night."
Friends
"Hey, Mike, what's the capital of Peru?"
Friends
"-Lima. -No."
Friends
"-Oh, God! -What?"
Friends
"...but l just saw a rat in your cupboard."
Friends
"Well, not so much a pet as, you know, an occasional visitor..."
Friends
"...who l put food out for. Kind of like Santa."
Friends
"Except Santa doesn't poop on the plate of cookies."
Friends
"You can't keep a rat in your apartment. They're unsanitary."
Friends
"-What are those? -l don't know..."
Friends
"...but they don't sound like spa treatments."
Friends
"lf it means that much to you, l'll get rid of Bob."
Friends
"lt's so weird you think he's so gross, yet you're willing to eat his crackers."
Friends
"Gavin, l just want to say thank you again..."
Friends
"l really owe you an apology."
Friends
"...l thought you were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious."
Friends
"And l think you're a really good guy. And l'm sorry that l misjudged you."
Friends
"But you know what? Hey, new day, new leaf."
Friends
"l'm sorry. Obviously, Heather's ass has something more important to say..."
Friends
"...and you were totally checking her out."
Friends
"Are you jealous?"
Friends
"Stop looking at my ass!"
Friends
"That is totally different for two reasons."
Friends
"One: l didn't know that you knew that."
Friends
"We had a.... We had a deep, meaningful relationship."
Friends
"What was Tag's last name?"
Friends
"lt was...."
Friends
"Oh, my God."
Friends
"He didn't-- He didn't-- He didn't have a last name."
Friends
"lt was just Tag, you know, like Cher or..."
Friends
"l wasn't staring."
Friends
"What's the big deal with her?"
Friends
"Yeah, obvious beauty's the worst."
Friends
"Looks like Joey's doing all right with her."
Friends
"Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys to back off..."
Friends
"...and let Joey get the girl for once."
Friends
"-Okay. -Okay, bye, Emma."
Friends
"-Bye. -Bye."
Friends
"Bye, Emma!"
Friends
"-Why not? -lt took months to find a good nanny."
Friends
"And l wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away."
Friends
"...and never call her again, and things are gonna get uncomfortable?"
Friends
"-What are you, a child? -Yes!"
Friends
"Look, Joey, come on now. For me, please."
Friends
"Take me home."
Friends
"-Hey, Mikey. -Hey, Pheeb."
Friends
"-What are you doing? -Setting rattraps."
Friends
"...and, you know, set him free in the countryside..."
Friends
"...where he could meet a friendly possum..."
Friends
"...and a wisecracking owl."
Friends
"-Okay, okay. l'll throw away the traps. -All right, l'll find Bob. l'll get him."
Friends
"Oh, my God! Bob had babies! Bob's a mom!"
Friends
"lt's over?"
Friends
"l have got to get a job."
Friends
"Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier..."
Friends
"...and asked for her daughter, the ''hot nanny.''"
Friends
"ls this your long-term plan, for me to run interference?"
Friends
"Look, come on, man. l'm sure he'll lose interest in a week or two..."
Friends
"Fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work."
Friends
"Because you know once Joey sets his mind on something..."
Friends
"-Picturing that tree? -l am, yes."
Friends
"-l'm afraid l can't let you do that, Joe. -Now you're saying l can't see her?"
Friends
"You're killing me! She's forbidden fruit! lt's like, like..."
Friends
"l can hear you."
Friends
"Could you set my pillow and blanket on the couch for me, please?"
Friends
"Yes, as a matter of fact, he did. So l can't let you go."
Friends
"Hot nanny and me against the world!"
Friends
"-Gavin Mitchell's office. -Rachel Greene's office."
Friends
"Give me that phone."
Friends
"Hello, this is Rachel Greene. How can l help you?"
Friends
"Okay then. l'll pass you back to your son."
Friends
"-Yes? -lf you like looking at butts so much..."
Friends
"Thank God you finally said that."
Friends
"...l don't care about you enough to bug me."
Friends
"ln fact, from now on, l'm going to take the high road..."
Friends
"...and l'm going to be very, very nice to you, you mama's boy..."
Friends
"-Ready for your birthday lunch? -l am."
Friends
"-Pleased to meet you. -Pleased to meet you."
Friends
"-You were being so nice to him. -l was faking it."
Friends
"Hey, Mr. Phillips. Nice suit."
Friends
"Hey, Chandler, which do you like better..."
Friends
"-The pile of raw fish, or the tacos? -Oh, the tacos. Definitely, the tacos."
Friends
"l hope he doesn't show up. Of course he won't, the guy hates me."
Friends
"-Does he? -What?"
Friends
"Maybe he keeps bothering you so much because he likes you."
Friends
"...because he secretly had a crush on me."
Friends
"Hey, Rach. So can l sing ''Happy Birthday'' to you now?"
Friends
"See you later."
Friends
"-Wow. Wow. Oh, my God! -Careful! Careful!"
Friends
"You know, they require constant care. You should know that, you're a mother."
Friends
"Are you comparing my daughter to a rat?"
Friends
"No. Seven rats."
Friends
"You're gonna leave my party to take care of a box of rats?"
Friends
"Well, l'm sorry, Rachel, but l'm not like you. Okay?"
Friends
"Hey, where the hell are Joey and Molly?"
Friends
"l asked you to watch them."
Friends
"-So where'd you study? -l didn't go to college."
Friends
"Molly, do you mind giving us just a minute?"
Friends
"-Sure. l'll go check on Emma. -Thanks."
Friends
"Will the stable boy never get the princess?"
Friends
"What do you think you were gonna do, have sex with her here on my couch?"
Friends
"No. The leather sticks to my ass."
Friends
"Can't you guys open your minds to the possibility that l actually like her..."
Friends
"Okay? l didn't think l could ever love again."
Friends
"Hi. ls Molly here?"
Friends
"-Hey. Guys, this is Tabitha. -Hey."
Friends
"lt's like my favorite fairy tale come true."
Friends
"Okay. Okay, you start preparing the formula..."
Friends
"...and l'll start changing the box."
Friends
"And then we gotta put them straight to bed."
Friends
"Well, you know what? They're our responsibility now."
Friends
"Okay, fine. These rats are our responsibility."
Friends
"What happens when they mate and there are hundreds?"
Friends
"Mate? They're all brothers and sisters."
Friends
"Yeah, not such a problem with rats."
Friends
"...and then each of those has seven rats? That's like...."
Friends
"That's math l can't even do!"
Friends
"All right, so we should just give them away."
Friends
"But to nice families with children and reduced-fat Wheat Thins."
Friends
"Those were Bob's favorites."
Friends
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