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Clips from The Office (2005) - Scott's Tots (S06E06)

"PHYLLIS: I have been wanting to be Santa for years."
The Office (2005)
"I believe I have the right temperament"
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"and the figure to do the job well."
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"I slipped a note to Jim 11 weeks ago, and he said I could do it."
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"(PHYLLIS LAUGHS)"
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"It's been a long journey."
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"But I'm Santa Claus!"
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"So, Santa, what can we expect from this party?"
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"It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good."
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"What if you've been bad?"
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"Then nothing but a lump of coal for you."
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"What if you've been really, really bad?"
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"More evil than strictly wrong."
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"Hey, Creed? We covered it. Lump of coal."
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"Yeah."
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"For the past several weeks,"
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"my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine"
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"that I've been attempting to assemble."
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"I'm suspicious of this, because I had the exact same idea"
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"for catching Osama bin Laden."
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"I would simply send him a different piece each day."
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"He would assemble it to find himself"
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"in jail!"
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"You know, Oscar, every time I make this lasagna"
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"people ask me if it's a family recipe,"
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"but really, I just get the recipe from the box."
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"Is it funny? I thought it was more interesting than funny."
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"I think my water just broke."
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"Oscar and the warehouse guy."
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"Go, Oscar! Go, gay warehouse guy!"
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"Here's Santa!"
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"Hey, little girl, what would you like for Christmas?"
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"Ooh! You have been a very naughty girl, I see."
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"Michael, we already have a Santa. Phyllis."
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"What the hell is going on?"
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"Yeah. Phyllis."
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"Yeah. I told her a long time ago she could do it."
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"Take it back. That is absurd."
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"No. I'm not gonna do that."
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"I think she's doing a good job."
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"It's insane! A woman Santa? Where does it stop?"
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"No! Jim, this may be the last Christmas that we have here."
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"Doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious,"
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"You know what? I have a bunch of letters"
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"cut out of magazines in my desk."
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"You can use those."
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"If this were Russia, yeah, sure,"
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"and there would be a line around the block,"
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"and once you sat on her lap"
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"and she asked you what you wanted,"
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"you would say, probably, freedom,"
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"at which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia."
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"It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore."
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"Why pay more to sit next to old Trannie Claus over there"
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"when you can sit on my lap?"
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"Phyllis is only pretending to be a man. I'm the real thing!"
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"Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt!"
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"Okay. Okay."
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"No, it's not, like, penis-wise."
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"Hello, little boy! What's your name?"
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"Michael, it's me, Kevin."
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"Phyllis says I'm too big for her lap."
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"Oh, I am so sorry that Phyllis hates you and hates your body,"
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"but Santa remembers a reindeer"
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"that was just a tiny bit different as well."
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"When can I sit on your lap?"
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"Right now! Come on over here, big boy!"
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"There we go! Oh, my God."
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"What would you like for Christmas, little boy?"
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"I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that."
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"Well, what did you think was going to happen?"
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"I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before."
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"(SOFTLY) All right, just say some toys, please."
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"Can you give me some choices?"
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"'Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list."
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"Damn it, Kevin. Come on."
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"What about if I tell you the things I don't want?"
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"Okay, get off! Get off! Off!"
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"Oh, God!"
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"I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted."
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"You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you"
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"Awesome."
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"Well?"
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"The only Santa. That's what I want."
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"You promised me this. Don't make me get Bob involved."
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"What would Bob do?"
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"Never mind. I shouldn't have said that."
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"Does it hurt?"
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"Hmm."
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"(CHUCKLES) Is it you?"
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"Yeah!"
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"Totally. I admit it. It's me."
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"(LAUGHS) Seriously?"
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"Seriously? Are you serious?"
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"Is... What... Is it you?"
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"Yeah. Totally serious. I'm your Secret Santa. Busted!"
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"(LAUGHS)"
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"There he is."
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"Hey, man."
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"Matt is on a delivery. Just leave it here. I'll take it."
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"I'll just wait for him."
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"Matt's a pretty good-looking dude, don't you think?"
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"I'll just leave it here with you."
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"Come here! Come here! Come here!"
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"I'm doing something over here. Come on! Ah!"
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"Ho! Ho! Ho!"
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"MICHAEL: Come on, I need this. Come over here!"
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"Just sit down!"
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"No, no, no, no, no, no!"
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"Ryan and I are just having some fun."
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"Can I just talk to you for a second? Yeah."
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"No, now. Okay, what?"
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"You can't yell out, "I need this, I need this,""
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"as you pin down an employee on your lap."
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"Okay. You know what, Jim?"
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"Michael, it's Phyllis. We want Phyllis as Santa."
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"Do we? Do we? Is that what we want?"
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"Why don't we take a vote on it?"
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"Great."
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"Hey! Okay, everybody."
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