Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Archer - Deadly Velvet: Part 2 (S07E07)

"Let's go, folks. Nothing to see here."
Archer
"absolutely nothing to do with it!"
Archer
"Hey! You need to get your old, tiny, fake policeman ass"
Archer
"out of my space! I'm trying to do real policeman shit!"
Archer
"Yeah, that's like the first law of robotics."
Archer
"No, it's the exact opposite of that!"
Archer
"Well, excuse me, Dr. Han Fastolfe."
Archer
"a murder victim has to be a human being."
Archer
"have a digital recorder in their CPU."
Archer
"You can't record me without my permission!"
Archer
"That is also true. California is a two-party consent state, so..."
Archer
"Actually, in California, you can record a conversation"
Archer
"- it will collect evidence of a crime. - Aha!"
Archer
"when you started recording!"
Archer
"Aha! But also, isn't the question moot?"
Archer
"Because that dude's CPU's... totally dickholed."
Archer
"- All righty... - None of this is admissible!"
Archer
"And more importantly, they're robots."
Archer
"Accessing digit... al..."
Archer
"Aw, thank God. Okay. Gunshot residue testing and the truth..."
Archer
"shall set you free!"
Archer
"Or not. But get in that van!"
Archer
"That was so great, and you're just... so great!"
Archer
"And this is all a huge waste of time."
Archer
"Well, yes! Because it's so totally obvious"
Archer
"that Lana Kane murdered Ellis."
Archer
"Uh, hang on. Actually..."
Archer
"- He what? - Do what? - I what?"
Archer
"- Isn't that what you told me? - Uh, yes?"
Archer
"So, Detective. See you at elevenish?"
Archer
"So great. The rest of you, asses in the van!"
Archer
"- Can't we at least talk about it? - All right, darling. Calm down."
Archer
"Yo! Faceman! In the van! Now!"
Archer
"- Okay, is everybody in? - Yes!"
Archer
"One..."
Archer
"But, Veronica, what evidence?"
Archer
"I have a teensy-tiny favor to ask of you."
Archer
"♪ Uh, 99 bottles of beer on the... Ow! ♪"
Archer
"Je-sus!"
Archer
"Thank you."
Archer
"Whoa, that kinda hurt."
Archer
"Is L.A. making me soft?"
Archer
"Or... softly awesome."
Archer
"Like a haiku..."
Archer
"Ho-ly shit."
Archer
"Right? Come here. What are we doing?"
Archer
"Hey. Are you up for a dangerous mission?"
Archer
"Have I... Ha! I wish to amend"
Archer
"my previous statement."
Archer
"Okay, come on. I'll brief you while we get ready."
Archer
"Damn it, Archer!"
Archer
"Me and you... is this not the best?"
Archer
"Gillette! Residue test. Let's go."
Archer
"Do you have any idea how long this is going to take?"
Archer
"Yes."
Archer
"Thanks to you and Archer, who lied to the cops with her."
Archer
"- Hope you're happy! - Uh, duh... Free cornrows."
Archer
"Which is why he's out there right now,"
Archer
"working on a plan to trap Veronica Deane"
Archer
"Are you sure?"
Archer
"Yes! Trust me, it's a good plan."
Archer
"No, it isn't. Shut up. It'll work."
Archer
"I would take the form of, uh, an eagle. What about you?"
Archer
"I guess... I don't know. Ice stairs?"
Archer
"Eh, Luigi! Piccolo aiuto, eh?"
Archer
"I be... I beg your pardon?"
Archer
"Although, I have to say..."
Archer
"I prefer my margaritas on the beach in Mexico."
Archer
"Mm, yes, of course! And we'll dance naked on the beach in Mexico..."
Archer
"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
Archer
"I'll just lay this right here, on this table."
Archer
"Well, after they formally charge Lana Kane with Ellis's murder."
Archer
"- And... you think they will. - Oh, I should think so."
Archer
"- And you think they will? - I... Archer, do you love me?"
Archer
"let's just say I have my ways."
Archer
"Oh, sorry, Lana. You big sexy galoot."
Archer
"Shapiro, that little rat."
Archer
"He's doing it because he loves me."
Archer
"Well, that's not a crime. Is it?"
Archer
"and you're going down for it!"
Archer
""And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.""
Archer
"Cyborg. I won't bore you with all the details,"
Archer
"- I'm such an idiot. - Oh, I wouldn't say that, darling."
Archer
"You caught me, didn't you?"
Archer
"because Sandpiper-Crane was insuring the productions"
Archer
"Little? It was a massive insurance scam,"
Archer
"and also a re-insurance scam,"
Archer
"not to mention a stock manipulation scam..."
Archer
"Their hedge fund shorted the insurance company's stock."
Archer
"which I accidentally recorded onto a disk"
Archer
"Oh, well, that's just stupid."
Archer
"As are you, Veronica, you just confessed."
Archer
"- Uh, dahoy? - What, the robot?"
Archer
"No, not a robot! Again, I don't understand all the science, but..."
Archer
"Robots can't testify in court."
Archer
"Oh, I know that. But wait. Hang on..."
Archer
"Plus, it didn't hear what I said, because... spoiler alert..."
Archer
"that... ohh..."
Archer
"I really could have fallen for you."
Archer
"- Archer! - That would be Ms. Archer to you."
Archer
"Oh! I'll make a note."
Archer
"You're free to go. Actually, you're all free to go."
Archer
"Really?"
Archer
"- Veronica Deane. - Ha!"
Archer
"Yeah, right up until he shot himself through both the wrist and the face."
Archer
"Floating in her pool as we speak."
Archer
"Yeah. Look out, gay porn."
Archer
"- Rimshot. - Yeah, that could be your name."
Archer
"She's a person of interest in the other murder we're working."
Archer
"- No shit. - Wait, what are you..."
Archer
"You were just questioning her ten hours ago!"
Archer
"- Both. - Loved her in Shanghai Moon."
Archer
"- Is it hers? - Hard to tell with no serial number."
Archer
"Hey, you should ask Veronica Deane if her agent reps gay porn stars."
Archer
"Archer?"
Archer
"Bet she hasn't cried like that since Prohibition."
Archer
"- Ow! Cut it... - Had me worried sick!"
Archer
"Mother! Ow! Stop it. I am gut-shot, woman!"
Archer
"By Veronica Deane, by the way,"
Archer
"and I will be... more than happy to testify to that."
Archer
Show more clips