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Clips from Archer - Deadly Velvet: Part 2 (S07E07)

"- Comin' down to the station, right? - Uh, yup."
Archer
"Yeah! 'Cause I remember you, Lana Kane."
Archer
"- It was a hamentashen! - Yeah."
Archer
"Ah! I couldn't have murdered Ellis."
Archer
"Oh, man, you never rent a mule."
Archer
"- So wait a second... - You lease that surly bastard."
Archer
"So, your alibi is that you were busy committing felony assault."
Archer
"Shut up, and they all saw me."
Archer
"- I didn't. - What?"
Archer
"Yes, you did! I was right there!"
Archer
"- Nope. - You little..."
Archer
"- What? - Because what I don't see..."
Archer
"is how that helps my client, Veronica Deane."
Archer
"- Archer... - Yes, Lana?"
Archer
"Would you care to tell the detectives..."
Archer
"that I couldn't have killed Ellis..."
Archer
"because I was busy beating your ass?"
Archer
"I would love to."
Archer
"I must have gotten a bonk on the noggin,"
Archer
"- because I can't remember anything! - Ohahhh!"
Archer
"So, Miss Kane, you can ride with me..."
Archer
"And remain with you in a supervisory capacity."
Archer
"- Because. Whatever you do... - You are not to wash your hands!"
Archer
"not washing our hands..."
Archer
"But, darling, they were so terribly goopy from our love-making!"
Archer
"Which was so wonderful, darling."
Archer
"and I was in here with you, until almost the very stroke of 3:00."
Archer
"And repeatedly, come to think of it."
Archer
"But..."
Archer
"- Just down the beach from John Huston. - Really?"
Archer
"Hmm. You could hit his house with a coconut."
Archer
"Which I've always wanted to do."
Archer
"We could be there in four hours."
Archer
"Is... But is now a great time, or even a not very bad time?"
Archer
"What with the whole murder investigation..."
Archer
"we could swim in the ocean..."
Archer
"swim in tequila, dance naked on the beach by firelight..."
Archer
"Prank John Huston with some coconuts..."
Archer
"Besides, it looks like that enormous Lana Kane person is the real killer."
Archer
"What? No, I-I shouldn't have joked about that."
Archer
"- I'll tell the cops she... - She certainly had a motive."
Archer
"I mean, my God, the victim's jealous lover?"
Archer
"Yeah, hey, uh, you know what? My hands are pretty goopy, too."
Archer
"I'm just gonna pop out, give 'em a quick rinse, and..."
Archer
"Uh, no. I have diarrhea, so..."
Archer
"Miss Deane? I have kind of a fanboy request."
Archer
"And you can't let those fans down!"
Archer
"- See, I... Oh. - Yeah."
Archer
"- You better not wash those hands! - I won't!"
Archer
"walking into that police station with unwashed hands!"
Archer
"Oh, man!"
Archer
"We gotta wash our hands?"
Archer
"Wait, what are we all washing?"
Archer
"Goddamn it, wash everything!"
Archer
"Geez! Make up your mind, America!"
Archer
"- You do. - Sterling, it's me."
Archer
"the minute you laid your eyes on that washed-up old crone."
Archer
"Oh, for... She's like 50!"
Archer
"- With your goddamn human breast milk. - Okay! Geez!"
Archer
"And it's not human!"
Archer
"Anyway, now I'm worried the cops might actually think Lana did it, so..."
Archer
"Well, it's obvious. It's basically right next door, for God's sake."
Archer
"Come... I don't know, mother. Fleeing to Mexico?"
Archer
"So, no one is technically fleeing, because no one is under arrest."
Archer
"Yet."
Archer
"If there could ever be a "best time""
Archer
"to have your picture taken with a donkey painted to look like a zebra."
Archer
"Hmm, pretty sure those are real zebras."
Archer
"- How did you change so fast? - Oh! Um..."
Archer
"Don't even bother packing, just grab a fake passport"
Archer
"at the office and go..."
Archer
"My... Wait. You don't think I did it?"
Archer
"- Who's Veronica? - Jesus! - What the..."
Archer
"- Who is? - Well, get the hell out of here."
Archer
"- All of you! - No! Now wait a minute."
Archer
"To do what? Open an Adolf E. Cheese?"
Archer
"Krieger, you have one of these god-awful monstrosities"
Archer
"- for each of us? - No!"
Archer
"your robo-doppelganger takes the fall,"
Archer
"you come back after he gets the chair."
Archer
"- It's not always about you! - Wha... And second of all,"
Archer
"could pass the fricking Turing test!"
Archer
"No, it's a test to see if a machine's artificial intelligence"
Archer
"Which they totally can. Go ahead. Ask them anything about anything."
Archer
"Ugh. Okay, uh, let's see."
Archer
"What is love?"
Archer
"Now I have to wash my hands again."
Archer
"But he's so goddamn immature, he thinks it's funny"
Archer
"to watch the mother of his child hauled off to jail."
Archer
"Which, by the way, is a total waste of time,"
Archer
"- on my hands. - Uh, you never know."
Archer
"No, actually, I do know, because... I'm sorry..."
Archer
"- And that means what? - What?"
Archer
"Oh, really? Because from where I'm sitting,"
Archer
"in the back of a prowler with no door handles"
Archer
"driven by a white cop, it sounds like the LAPD"
Archer
"is gonna frame me for murder."
Archer
"Like I said, "You never know!""
Archer
"You maniac! You blew him up!"
Archer
"That'll do, Milkly, that'll do."
Archer
"That is what I'm trying to find... Damn it, woman!"
Archer
"I thought I told you not to wash your hands!"
Archer
"Okay. Nobody move. Nobody do anything."
Archer
"All right, you heard the man."
Archer
"- Let's go. - Whatever. - Okay, okay."
Archer
"Ugh."
Archer
"Hey. Yeah, I need you to come back to the studio real quick."
Archer
"No, the van's not here, but it looks like we've got another homicide..."
Archer
"Uh, just in the very brief time since you left, yes."
Archer
"What are ya, shootin' 'em yourself?"
Archer
"How... Uh... Okay. Shut up. I'm almost at the station,"
Archer
"just wait for the van, dummy."
Archer
"They made us quit doing that. There was a whole big thing about it."
Archer
"- Then why am I suddenly so lucky? - Because it looks like..."
Archer
"- maybe the killer struck again. - Ha!"
Archer
"Told you! Dumbass idiot cops!"
Archer
"Mm, I guess... almost like there's a vast number of things"
Archer
"that can happen to you between now and when you're released"
Archer
"from police custody, and almost none of them are good?"
Archer
"Um. Point. Taken."
Archer
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