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Clips from Hot in Cleveland - Good Luck Faking the Goiter (S01E01)

"He's only 20 years old."
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"I've never even heard of this girl."
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"Uh, "my mom got married young..."
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"and still regrets it.""
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"That ought to do it."
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""Are you trying to tell me something?"..."
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"What, is she stupid?"
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""Just that we should slow down.""
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""I h8 u, d'bag.""
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"What does that mean?"
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"Well, 8 could be ate. Like, "I ate something.""
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"- Mm. - And d'bag is like da bomb?"
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"Thanks for letting me borrow this."
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"Not bad."
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"Really?"
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"I love her."
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"He's a guy."
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"They keep saying that."
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"But I'm not buying it."
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"What am I gonna do?"
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"I- I broke them up. He's gonna hate me."
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"Oh, will. Hi, honey."
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"Oh, God, that's all kinds of wrong."
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"Just text her everything we've always wanted to hear."
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"Yeah, compliment her face without makeup,"
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"and tell her it's the best sex you ever had."
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"This is my son."
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"Oh, they're here."
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"Look, I'd love to stay..."
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"and help you pretend to be your son,"
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"but I have to go pretend I'm dying."
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"Hello. I'm Victoria Chase."
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"It's a pleasure to meet you."
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"Ah. Likewise."
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"I'm sorry for staring,"
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"but I'm just surprised at how well you look."
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"Oh, thank you, but I'm tired."
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"I know that I need to."
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"Hmm, that's very odd."
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"What?"
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"You're not limping at all."
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"Limping?"
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"Would you just excuse me for just one moment?"
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"She said this thing had no symptoms..."
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"and I'm out there..."
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"Elka said she looked it up on Wikipedia."
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"Wikipedia?"
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"And I should know. I'm the one who "corrected" it."
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"Okay, calm down."
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"I'll look it up online."
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"Oh."
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"I'm terribly sorry."
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"Uh..."
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"I was thinking-"
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"Uh, last week. Why?"
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"The most acute symptoms..."
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"occur within the first week of onset."
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"By now, you should be having trouble with..."
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"word slurring, hysteria."
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"Boy, this thing is awful."
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"Yes, it is."
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"That's why we applaud your courage in going public..."
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"with such a disfiguring disease."
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"Disfiguring?"
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"Who said anything about disfiguring?"
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"but may we just take a look?"
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"Could you just excuse me for just one more second?"
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"Wow."
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"No shissh, Sherlock."
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"Good luck faking the goiter."
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"Goiter?"
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"Oh, my God."
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"That's why they wanted to see my neck."
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"Oh, good lord."
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"Ooh."
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"She says she loves you and she's sorry and-"
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"oh, she's sending you a picture."
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"Yes."
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"Perky."
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"Just erase it. He's coming."
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"Done."
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"Hey, will. We found your phone."
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"Oh, no."
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"I have to break up with."
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"What?"
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"She's kind of psycho and we dated a couple months."
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"Now she thinks we're engaged."
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"Yeah, because you proposed to her."
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"Ugh... Oh, honey, yes."
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"And I went crazy so I texted back."
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"And then we broke up,"
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"but then we got back together again,"
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"and now she thinks that you love her more than ever."
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"By doing something completely Shady."
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"Oh... Honey."
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"No, will. I'm sorry."
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"Well, on the plus side he's not getting married."
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"to break up with the wrong girl..."
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"even though she has..."
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"a truly spectacular set of knockers."
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"And the reason I don't have a goiter..."
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"is because as an actress, my..."
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"my vocal chords are so highly developed."
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"Well, it's coming."
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"Now, um, miss Chase,"
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"which of your parents is Asian?"
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"What?"
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"Well, the disease is only carried..."
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"by people of Asian descent, so..."
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"Ah. Yes."
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"Well, my father, you'll see, is Asian."
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"Okay, you know what? I just-I can't do this."
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"You see, I don't really have the disease."
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"What?"
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"it would help me win an Emmy."
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"Well, that's..."
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"Reprehensible."
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"I-I feel terrible."
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"As you should."
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"she has brought the foundation..."
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