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Clips from Haters Back Off! - Becuming a Magichin (S01E01)

"[groans] I want you to teach me real magic."
Haters Back Off!
"Oh, well, there isn't actual magic."
Haters Back Off!
"It's not?"
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"Uh... no, it..."
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"it is."
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"It just... [stammering] It isn't this stuff."
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"Real magic..."
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"It's... [sighs] making a connection with someone."
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"Or, uh... seeing the love of your life walk across the room."
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"Hearing... angels sing in the voice of the girl next door."
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"That doesn't sound like real magic at all."
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"[scoffs] Patrick, I'm kind of offended that you're trying to teach me"
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"If I'm gonna do magic, it needs to be big."
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"Bigger, right."
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"Big?"
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"Yeah."
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"Yes! Uh, yes, of course."
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"[stammers] You can be a stage magician. And I can be your assistant."
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"Mmm, sounds good to me. [chuckles]"
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"[stammering] And we can do a big finale."
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"Uh, uh, and we'll figure out a routine, and then..."
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"You usher me into this box."
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"- And you're gonna take swords... - Ooh."
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"...and you're gonna put them through these slots here."
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"- Okay, right now? - No, not right now. Please, not right now."
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"Uh, and then you take them out,"
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"and I will exit the box completely uninjured."
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"Uh, no. No, I just..."
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"Yeah."
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"But you might wanna learn some sword flourishes."
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"sword flourish."
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"[Miranda] Mmm."
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"Okay."
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"So just a little flourish."
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"[exclaiming]"
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"[Patrick grunts]"
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"It's not, uh... It's not finished yet. It's..."
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"Uh, so the magic box, you know... Uh, maybe just take the swords in and out."
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"You know, no sword flourishes."
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"Okay."
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"[sighs] Jim!"
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"[groans]"
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"Oh, boy, Bethany."
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"What a day!"
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"I... am bushed. [sighs]"
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"[sighs] What's going on?"
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"So you moved into my bedroom?"
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"Oh, don't worry, Bethany. I'm gonna sleep on top of the covers."
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"so it'll be better for my body to breathe, anyway."
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"And I, uh, sometimes cry in my sleep."
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"Okay, can we just not talk?"
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"- Okay, I get it. - [sighs]"
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"[both sigh heavily]"
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"[line ringing]"
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"- Hello, Tacoma... - What?"
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"Excuse me, I'm on the phone."
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"Wou... Hello?"
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"Yoo-hoo! Uh..."
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"That Patrick has no idea what he's doing."
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"I sort of feel the same way about Emily."
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"- Is Emily trying to become a magician? - No."
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"Good, because she would be a terrible magician."
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"Oh, the worst."
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"She just won't come out of the garage. I mean, I..."
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"[sighs] I've tried to get her out. I've tried everything."
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"I've tried... bologna and some cheese... [stammers] bread."
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"I really appreciate your bread, Bethany."
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"- Really? - I mean, I know it's store-bought, and..."
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"and you get a discount because you work at the grocery store,"
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"but... still."
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"I like it, I..."
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"I like bread, I guess."
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"You love bread."
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"I know that about you."
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"I like it on sandwiches... toast..."
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"Sometimes I'll just... eat it with nothing."
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"Oh, that one time, where I said, "Hey, we don't have hotdog buns."
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"Let's just use regular bread.""
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"You went crazy."
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"- I threw that plate... - Mmm-hmm."
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"I have a temper."
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"But you were right. It was just as good with bread."
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"Especially if you toast it a little."
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"By the third bite, it falls apart. But it doesn't matter."
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"That means a lot."
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"Okay..."
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"so now you're supposed to say something nice about me."
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"Um... Jim."
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"You are always around."
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"I'm always around what?"
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"The house?"
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"Thank you, Bethany. I..."
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"Good night."
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"[coughs and grunts]"
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"- [clears throat] - Ugh! Jim."
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"Thank you. [sniffs and clears throat]"
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"[sighs]"
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"- Gross! - [shushes]"
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"- [sighs] - Ugh."
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"Five, six, seven, eight."
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"♪ Magic! It's magic ♪"
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"No, hang on. Five, six, seven, eight."
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"Oh, Patrick, hey. I've been working on a new magic trick,"
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"and I think we should add it to the act."
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"Okay, ready? Watch this."
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"All right, take a look at this ordinary, average banana."
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"I'm going to make it disappear in two seconds flat."
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"Ready? Watch this."
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"Wow, oh... Well, you're a very fast banana eater,"
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"but I think we should stick to the original routine."
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"[spits] So I almost ate a banana for nothing?"
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"I'm sorry."
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"Uh, look, you... you should go finish getting ready, and I'll see you out there."
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"This is gonna be great."
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"Yeah, I know. [scoffs]"
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"Miss Bethany, what are you doing here?"
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"So I came to clap for her in case no one else does."
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"Non-magicians are not allowed at these judging events."
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"If anyone sees you, Miranda will be disqualified."
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"- She'll be fine. She'll be fine. - Okay. Okay."
Haters Back Off!
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