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Clips from Fleabag - Episode #1.3 (S01E01)

"Tragic."
Fleabag
"Nah, he's a con."
Fleabag
"You can't call someone who is grieving a con."
Fleabag
"- That is shit grieving. - Look at him, he's properly grieving."
Fleabag
"No-one grieves like that unless they are in a film or from Italy."
Fleabag
"Who are you to pass judgment on his grief?"
Fleabag
"Trust me, he's at a different grave every day, he can't get enough of it."
Fleabag
"What?"
Fleabag
"You come here every day?"
Fleabag
"Don't do a jumpy-outy surprise thing,"
Fleabag
"you'd like to come to her..."
Fleabag
"Anyway, give me a call, and I hope you're OK. Bye."
Fleabag
"I can't go out with a dog."
Fleabag
"My boyfriend before Harry used to make me send him pictures of"
Fleabag
"my vagina wherever I was,"
Fleabag
"ten or 11 times a day."
Fleabag
"Time to throw the net out."
Fleabag
"I am in so much trouble."
Fleabag
"Jesus Christ."
Fleabag
"I am not drunk!"
Fleabag
"Which is odd, cos Claire's so straight."
Fleabag
"- Really hard. - Really?"
Fleabag
"Fuck."
Fleabag
"I think you gave me a semi."
Fleabag
"Speak to me. Speak to me."
Fleabag
"But no-one wants to admit there's a problem because then they don't get"
Fleabag
"to have crazy nights out with Fun Drunk Martin."
Fleabag
"Chicken, are you chicken? No."
Fleabag
"with everyone, but makes you feel bad if you take offence"
Fleabag
"and he'll say..."
Fleabag
"Yes, you pop to the loo, pull down your knickers,"
Fleabag
"and fuck you."
Fleabag
"I mean, it is creepy as fuck."
Fleabag
"What, you think she'd like a pig? Can I take this one?"
Fleabag
"Christ, woman, there's something wrong with that one,"
Fleabag
"it's got death in its eyes."
Fleabag
"Yeah, the vet says she's depressed."
Fleabag
"You know, guinea pigs can die of loneliness."
Fleabag
"Can they?"
Fleabag
"Shh!"
Fleabag
"I have an idea."
Fleabag
"He's sexually inappropriate and he eats raw sausages but no-one's"
Fleabag
"made her laugh like he does, so I guess I have to give him that."
Fleabag
"Right, just put your... What are you doing? What are you doing?"
Fleabag
"No, no, no, there."
Fleabag
"I bought her a book"
Fleabag
"She says not to buy her any clothes"
Fleabag
"because she probably won't wear them."
Fleabag
"This sandwich is so good."
Fleabag
"Look, this is London."
Fleabag
"Just fuck off and buy something weird and expensive."
Fleabag
"Pay me and I'll help you."
Fleabag
"Fuck off."
Fleabag
"£60."
Fleabag
"- 70. - Done."
Fleabag
"Is she...?"
Fleabag
"No."
Fleabag
"Just... get whoever you are."
Fleabag
"But most of the time I'm that person, like everyone else."
Fleabag
"They're good, right? Chic."
Fleabag
"Chic means boring - don't tell the French."
Fleabag
"No. God."
Fleabag
"Who is this person?"
Fleabag
"Fuck, no."
Fleabag
"This is perfect."
Fleabag
"She'll think I've gone nuts."
Fleabag
"No."
Fleabag
"Let's keep going. I saw some more stuff she'll hate over there."
Fleabag
"is really fit."
Fleabag
"Which one?"
Fleabag
"No, no, he's the other neighbour. He's like, he's like, OK..."
Fleabag
"I'm going to hold his face in my head so you can see him."
Fleabag
"Make your face his face."
Fleabag
"Is he mixed race?"
Fleabag
"No."
Fleabag
"We just really wanted to know what you look like."
Fleabag
"She thinks you're lovely."
Fleabag
"My God, look at my elegant feet."
Fleabag
"Hey. Hey! Hey. Hey."
Fleabag
"Hello!"
Fleabag
"Hey. HEY!"
Fleabag
"What's your problem? Who was that?"
Fleabag
"No-one, it was..."
Fleabag
"No, no-one. I just need to go and get a drink, or something."
Fleabag
"OK."
Fleabag
"Excellent."
Fleabag
"Can I go and get my shoes?"
Fleabag
"Yeah. OK."
Fleabag
"So, come on, who was that heartbreaker?"
Fleabag
"He used to go out with Boo."
Fleabag
"Yeah, yeah, I know, OK."
Fleabag
"Fuck."
Fleabag
"She'll say I don't know her."
Fleabag
"You're just as bad."
Fleabag
"It's never clear what she wants."
Fleabag
"I should just get her some perfume."
Fleabag
"Jesus, just fuck her, please,"
Fleabag
"for the love of a good woman."
Fleabag
"Just wrap your willy up in a bow"
Fleabag
"and just screw her, she's going insane."
Fleabag
"What is it?"
Fleabag
"Would it kill her to take me out to dinner?"
Fleabag
"Anyone said that to her, they'd be hung."
Fleabag
"If they were hung, she probably wouldn't be complaining."
Fleabag
"Little advice from a married man."
Fleabag
"You're just tipping your prime."
Fleabag
"Excuse me, I have a date."
Fleabag
"Get the trainers. Shop closes in an hour."
Fleabag
"God. I was not expecting to see you again."
Fleabag
"Shut up. - I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm chuffed to my boots, but..."
Fleabag
"No, it's fine, it was last-minute."
Fleabag
"You know, I'd like to say I was trying to save a puppy, or something,"
Fleabag
"but I just got my coat caught on someone else's coat outside the Tube."
Fleabag
"When we went to separate ourselves, it was fucking intense."
Fleabag
"I had to give him my coat."
Fleabag
"What are we doing? - It's my sister's surprise birthday party."
Fleabag
"But I just thought... I need to get her a present first."
Fleabag
"I know this beautiful soap shop."
Fleabag
"I mean, this stuff just gets you straight in the bath."
Fleabag
"I was thinking more like..."
Fleabag
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