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Clips from Cheers - The Tortelli Tort (S01E01)

"- Thank you very much. - You're very welcome."
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"Don't get your hopes up, boys."
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"Come on."
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"I hardly think that's the sort of woman Sam would go out with."
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"Really? I don't buy that."
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"but it seems to me Sam has more depth than that."
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"Follow me."
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"No, don't drink that. I've got something much better."
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"The great ones make it look so easy."
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"Well then, let's get out of this bar so you don't have to worry."
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"I do feel like a movie tonight."
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"I've been in the mood for a movie all day long."
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"What's that new Australian film that's good?"
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"This one's no problem. It's dubbed."
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"Brandee with two Es?"
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"- OK, what was that all about? - What was what all about?"
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"All that laughing and stuff?"
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"- Diane, can we have two beers? - Coming up."
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"Drink chalk."
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"Correct me if I'm wrong,"
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"but I get the impression that you don't approve of Brandee."
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"Is that Brandy with a Y or two Es?"
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"I may be the dim ex-baseball player and you're the postgraduate,"
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"- I hired you as a waitress. - You'd never know it by me."
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"- I never said that. - But you think she's dumb."
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"- I don't know that I think that. - Diane, she's a tree stump. Come on."
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"The truth comes out. She's a total airhead."
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"- Incredible body, no mind. - Who?"
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"To you, Brandee's a one-night woman."
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"- Where? - Will you just admit it?"
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"Sam, I've got a message for you. Your date, Miss Bigbuckets?"
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"She told me to tell you she's getting a little "ootsy"."
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"- Diane, come here. Listen... - Wait a minute."
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"I don't mean to criticise."
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"OK."
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"And one more thing I like. Brandee."
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"- She what? - Looked like the real thing, Sam."
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"Another beer, Norm?"
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"Yeah. One quick one and then it's adios for sure."
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"- Oh, no. - Leo, it happens."
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"Ever since you came through that door, it's been Gus, Gus, Gus."
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"I mean, it's Gus this and Gus that, and I'm fed up with it."
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"Nothing to be afraid of."
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"I thought about that. It's a tough one, but I think I've got it."
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"- Wait a minute cos there's more. - No, hold it, Leo."
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"Leo, it's a problem of communication."
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"you sit the kids down and say to your boy..."
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"- What's your boy's name? - Ron."
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"Leo..."
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"Leo, if you're that unhappy about it, just throw him out"
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"I can't do that. I love the kid."
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"If I can't accept the kid the way he is, I'll lose him."
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"Thanks, Coach. You're not Gus, but you're not bad."
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"- Thanks, Coach. - Alright, Coach!"
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"Took him? I had him for breakfast."
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"Coach, where's Sammy?"
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"Out, where else?"
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"There are drawbacks to dating beautiful women."
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"Yeah? Like what?"
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"You can't eat ltalian cos always they're on diets."
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"You can't go outside cos the wind will muss their hair."
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"cos they might get hit in the face with a puck."
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"Where's the fun?"
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"for as long as you want it, what would you do then?"
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"I'd help the poor."
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"The man's got a harem."
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"Debra."
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"- What are you drinking? - A very dry martini."
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"That's a very classy order. We're gonna have a very dry martini."
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"Nothing for me."
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"We just back from Symphony Hall. Heard Mozart's Symphony No.41."
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"I haven't heard a lot of classical music, but I like it."
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"Not that one. The smart one about the music."
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"Imagine writing all that music before you're 35."
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"Slow down. You're giving us too much to think about."
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"Wait. Debra, you forgot your programme."
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"Yes."
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"OK, we went to see Star Wars again and I'm glad."
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"- How did I do? - Well..."
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"- Don't. - Fine."
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"I'm gonna play pool."
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"Carla?"
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"You've known Sam a long time."
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"Has he ever had a relationship with an intelligent woman?"
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"- What about his ex-wife? - That was his ex-wife."
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"I'm gonna go back there and talk to him."
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""Blonde Chick Dies in Billiard Accident.""
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"I know why you brought Debra here."
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"You're trying to prove you date smart women."
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"- No, it's a bar. Is this a bar? - Yes."
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"Excuse me."
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"I sense that you're unhappy right now."
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"Unhappy? I'm not unhappy. I'm on top of the world."
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"All the women I really enjoy."
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"My life isn't fun any more, and it's because of you."
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"- A snob? - Yeah, that's right."
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"Well, you're a rapidly ageing adolescent."
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"Do yourself a favour. Go back to your tootsies and your rat parts."
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"Are you saying that I'm too dumb to date smart women?"
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"Well, come on."
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"Wait. It depends what kind we're talking about."
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"You take your average whale's intestines and stretch 'em out,"
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"you're looking at three miles and change."
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"You win again, Coach."
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"It's getting late."
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"We both got a little carried away."
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"Especially you."
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"- Nothing. I just noticed something. - What?"
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"Matter of fact, I don't think I've ever seen that colour before."
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"Yes, I have."
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"I was on a ski weekend up at Stowe."
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"and I found myself walking around in the cold,"
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"wishing that I had somebody there to share it with."
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"Afterwards, I tried to convince myself that I'd imagined that colour,"
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"that nothing on this earth could be that beautiful."
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"Wouldn't work?"
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"Damn."
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"Pitcher of water with three glasses."
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"Take it easy."
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"I'll make a few calls."
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