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Clips from The Simpsons - Lisa the Iconoclast (S07E07)

"- Toast. - I don't understand thee, Marge."
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"Hmm. Ye olde toast."
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"Whoo-hoo."
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"What would you say if I told you thatJebediah Springfield..."
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"wasn't as great as he's cracked up to be?"
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"Look. Jebediah was really a vicious pirate named Hans Sprungfeld."
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"His tongue was bitten off by a Turk in a grog-house fight."
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"No tongue, eh? How did he talk- and eat and laugh and love?"
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"He had a prosthetic tongue made out of silver."
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"Yes. That'd do."
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"The dastard!"
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"I got the white stars you wanted, but I couldn't find..."
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"any red hearts, yellow moons or green clovers."
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"Lisa, honey. When my family first came to this state..."
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"they had a choice of living in Springfield or Stenchburg."
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"You know why they chose Springfield?"
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"Because everyone knows Jebediah Springfield was a true American hero. End of story."
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"- I believe you, honey. - You do?"
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"Of course I do. You're always right about this type of thing..."
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"and for once I want in on the ground floor."
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"Oh, thanks, Dad."
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"Ralph. "A." Janey. "A.""
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"And, Lisa, for your- essay..."
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""Jebediah Springfield: Super-Fraud," "F.""
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"- But it's all true. - This is nothing but..."
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"dead-white-male bashing from a P.C. thug."
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"It's women like you who keep the rest of us from landing a husband."
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"Well, nice talking to ya."
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"- Lisa? - Miss Hoover thought I made the whole thing up."
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"She called me a P.C. thug."
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"Well, I've been called a greasy thug too, and it never stops hurting."
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"So here's what we're gonna do:"
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"Grease ourselves up real good and trash that place with a baseball bat."
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"That won't help, Dad. No one's ever gonna believe me."
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"But you have proof! We could go get that confession out ofJebediah's fife."
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"- We could? - Come on."
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"- We can use the baseball bat to smash open the case. - No baseball bat."
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"Oh."
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"- Hi, Mr. Hurlbut. - Oh, you're back."
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"And you brought a friend."
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"Town crier. I'd like to ask you a few questions."
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"One: Where's the fife? And two: Give me the fife."
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"Hey! Stop! I've got nothing but respect for the office of town crier..."
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"but this is well outside your jurisdiction."
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"Oh, yeah? Well, put this in your fife and smoke it."
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"What the-"
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"That's Jebediah's secret confession. It proves he was a fraud."
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""The Secret Confessions ofJebediah Springfield. ""
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"Oh. I think, Lisa, that you've been taken in by an obvious forgery."
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"Unfortunately, historical research is plagued by this sort of hoax."
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"The so-called confession..."
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"is just as phony as the Howard Hughes will..."
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"the Hitler diaries or the Emancipation Retraction."
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"But it explains why there's no record ofJebediah before 1795."
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"He was Hans Sprungfeld until then."
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"That's preposterous. Now get out."
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"You're banned from this historical society."
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"You and your children and your children's children."
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"For three months."
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"I'm not gonna give up. I refuse to believe that everyone refuses to believe the truth."
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"- I'd like 25 copies on goldenrod- - Right."
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"- um, 25 on canary- - Canary."
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"- and 25 on paella. - Okay. 100 yellow."
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"You don't have to help me with this, Dad."
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"Oh, sure I do. I always believe in helpin' the little guy."
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"And you're the littlest guy I know."
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"- Question. Is your name Ridley Scott orJames Cameron? - No. It's Homer."
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"Then I will thank you to stop peering at my screenplay, Homer."
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"And if I see a movie where computers threaten our personal liberties..."
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"I will know that you stole my idea."
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"I'm just waitin' for my kid."
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"Mental note. Steal his idea."
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"Hi, Apu. Can I put this poster in your window?"
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"Well, of course you can, you little pixie."
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"Oh. You're just as sweet as the sticks which bear your name."
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"No, no. No, no. No, no, no."
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"Take that down. As a semi-legal immigrant, your poster could land me in a predicament..."
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"as red hot as the candies which bear that name."
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"- He wouldn't let me put it up. - Okay. Well, that's not gonna stop us."
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"I know a much better way to get attention."
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"Hear ye! Hear ye!"
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"My daughter has something to tell you aboutJebediah Springfield."
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"Aw, the little cutie wants to do somethin' cute."
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"Shut up, ya bums! Shut up!"
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"Go ahead, angel."
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"Jebediah Springfield was nothing more..."
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"than an evil bloodthirsty pirate who hated this town."
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"Good God!"
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"Homer, you know, I support, uh, most any prejudice you can name..."
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"but your hero phobia sickens me."
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"You and your daughter ain't welcome here no more. Barney, show 'em the exit."
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"- There's an exit? - "Evil bloodthirsty pirate. ""
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"Hello. Town Jubilation Committee?"
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"Yeah. I got something that's gonna make you a lot less jubilant."
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"Jebediah was no criminal."
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"That's right. The reason they say he had a silver tongue..."
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"is because he was such a fine speaker."
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"That's a myth that got mixed up with the truth."
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"You are tampering with forces you can't understand."
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"We have major corporations sponsoring this event."
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"I hope you know you're sponsoring a celebration for a murderous pirate."
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"A pirate? Well, that's hardly the image we want for Long John Silver's."
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"Well, I see no way of settling this."
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"I say we imprison them for the duration of our bicentennial."
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"There is one way. Get the silver tongue."
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"IfJebediah's who I say he is, then it should still be in his grave."
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"Why, that's highly unorthodox."
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"Dig him up! Dig up that corpse!"
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"If you really love Jebediah Springfield..."
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"you'll haul his bones out of the ground to prove my daughter wrong."
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"Dig up his grave! Pull out his tongue!"
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"Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?"
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"Now, Lisa, when you see there's no silver tongue in there..."
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"will you stop trying to ruin Jebediah's reputation?"
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"- Yes. - What do we win if the tongue is there?"
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"- Credibility. - Aw. What a gyp."
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"Jebediah Springfield has been replaced with a skeleton!"
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"No. That's the skeleton ofJebediah."
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"Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Uh, well, let's start looking for that silver tongue."
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"Don't forget to look in his shoes."
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