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Clips from Gilmore Girls - Christopher Returns (S01E01)

"We should commemorate it with an oil painting..."
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"or a severed head or something."
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"Next time we get this group together, we're gonna have to frisk for weapons."
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"- Hand out gags. - Employ six individual cones of silence."
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"The old balcony's still the same, isn't it?"
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"In all its beautiful away-from-them-ness."
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"Perfect hideout, totally private."
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"We spent a lot of time out here."
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"Sneaking Dad's telescope, scanning the skies for alien ships."
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"Then when we were older, scanning the neighbors' houses for naked people."
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"- Found a couple of those. - Mrs. Dominski..."
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"undulating in her big, fat underalls is forever carved into my brain."
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"And in an effort to further chronicle this balcony's history..."
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"we are now in the immediate vicinity..."
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"of the spot upon which was Rory's initial emanation."
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"- The bright spot in all the darkness. - And how."
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"Even if you hadn't gotten pregnant and everything had gone as planned..."
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"I still would've never made it through Princeton."
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"I don't believe that."
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"That's why you're you and I'm not."
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"Wow."
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"- You wigged? - Yeah, I'm a little wigged."
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"- Why? - Are you kidding me?"
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"This is the next-to-last thing I thought would happen tonight."
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"The last thing being a saint riding down on a chariot from Heaven..."
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"to announce Armageddon."
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"Hartford's the place he chooses to make his announcement? I don't think so."
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"Yes, it was unexpected, but it was great."
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"I'm sorry."
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"Don't apologize. It was the both of us."
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"God, my parents have got to seal these windows up, I swear to God."
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"- So, where were you guys? - Nowhere."
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"- Where's nowhere? - Where we were."
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"- Good night, Lor. - Good night, yeah..."
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"You have a really good night."
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"You've got some dirt or some schmutz on your..."
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"- Where did you... - It's been a long night."
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"There's just been a lot of schmutzing going on."
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"- About the schmutzing? - No."
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"About all the warm and fuzzy family moments that went on tonight."
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"- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine."
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"All those crazy people saying horrible things were directing them at me, not you."
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"They were directing them to you because you had me."
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"No, they were directing them at me because I screwed up..."
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"their big Citizen Kane plans, that's all."
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"- They don't even wanna know me. - That is not true."
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"They are just so full of anger and stupid pride..."
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"that stands in the way of them realizing how much they wanna know you."
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"Yeah."
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"Their loss, and it's a pretty big one."
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"I'm going to bed now."
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"No regrets from me or your dad."
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"- Yeah? - No regrets about you."
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"There's a misspelled-tattoo incident that I'm sure he'd like to erase from his bio."
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"But you, that's a no-brainer."
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"Where does dad have a misspelled tattoo?"
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"Another story for another time, possibly before your first trip to Mazatlan."
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"- Good night, babe. - Good night, Mom."
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"Oh, no."
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"- I feel horrible. - Don't."
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"- I stood you up. I didn't even call. - It's okay."
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"- I'm a rat. We had a date. I stood you up. - It wasn't a date. It was just to paint."
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"- I'm a rat. I need cheese. - Forget it."
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"- Let's reschedule. - I didn't wanna do it in the first place."
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"Come on, don't change your mind. We can do it tonight or right now."
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"- Was it an emergency? - Yes."
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"You would not believe what happened. I slipped, and I busted my..."
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"It wasn't an emergency."
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"It was just me being a rat."
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"- Something came up? - Yeah."
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"Something, someone."
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"- Am I right? - I'm sorry."
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"Yeah, okay. Well, I'm late."
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"Where were you?"
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"Fruitlessly trying to rectify a ratty transgression."
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"- You want some coffee? - No."
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"What?"
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"I know you well enough to know that when you say no to coffee..."
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"- all is not right in Whoville. - Very astute."
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"Last night was Chernobyl and the Hindenburg combined."
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"- Right, just checking. - My father almost hit someone."
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"He's probably only hit someone in college wearing boxing gloves..."
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"and one of those Fred Mertz, Golden Gloves pullover sweaters."
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"- Fred Mertz? - I Love Lucy, Fred Mertz."
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"Landlord to Ricky, husband to Ethel. It's a weird reference."
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"- Hello, pajamas. - Right, continue."
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"- My dad had a meltdown with your dad... - He was asking for it."
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"...and then with me. And then, you and me."
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"- Oh, boy. - Don't say it like that."
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"- Stupid. Dumb. - Much better."
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"And to top off the whole fabulous fiasco..."
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"I stood up a friend who was counting on me."
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"He just stood there looking hurt with the paint and the chairs."
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"And it hurt me. It's not your fault."
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"But in this parade of stupid and dumb..."
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"- Lor? - What?"
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"I wanna marry you."
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"And the hits just keep on coming."
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"Just think about it before you make a rash..."
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"You are completely insane. You have flipped your lid!"
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"Charlie Manson is freaked out by you right now!"
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"- Come on, we're already a family. - Who's a family?"
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"Us. You, me, and Rory."
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"- You don't know what a family is. - People living together."
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"No, it's a big commitment. It's responsibility and hard work."
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"It's coming home at the same time to the same place every day."
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"What do you want, financial statements?"
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"I can be a family man. I'm responsible now."
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"Honey, you can't even buy a book without having your credit card declined."
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"I told Rory not to rat me out. I can't believe she did that."
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"She didn't."
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"Andrew from the bookstore called, and Jackson, and the UPS guy."
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"It was the lead story on the Stars Hollow web page."
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"Then I asked Rory, and she very reluctantly confirmed it."
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"- 'Rat me out. ' What are you, 16? - I'm sorry."
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"- She's my daughter, too. - More like your playmate."
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"I don't deserve that. I'm as mature as you."
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"What? The Offspring is your favorite band."
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"So? You're into Metallica."
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"Metallica is way more substantial than The Offspring."
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