Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Archer - Danger Island: Strange Doings in the Taboo Groves (S09E09)

"[engine whirring]"
Archer
"[clattering]"
Archer
"- What? - No. Nothing."
Archer
"ARCHER: Flies like a dream."
Archer
"[engine sputters]"
Archer
"PAM: Well, she did before you crashed her into a goddamn street"
Archer
"anybody with the sense God gave a goddamn duck"
Archer
"could tell was nowhere near wide enough."
Archer
"- Ugh, ducks. - Don't start your racist bullshit."
Archer
"- You know I'm right. - And I'm in no mood."
Archer
"[quietly] In some kind of mood."
Archer
"Yeah, you want to guess why? [radio crackles]"
Archer
"- MALORY: [over radio] Sterling? - Like in general, or..."
Archer
"- Bird. - Sterling!"
Archer
"What?! Sorry. What can I do for you?"
Archer
"Well, you can start by watching that tone, mister."
Archer
"And then, you can tell me why I'm looking at the package"
Archer
"you were supposed to fly to Tahiti today."
Archer
"ARCHER: Oh, did I not do that?"
Archer
"Do I need to remind you just who exactly owns that flying crate?"
Archer
"[Archer sighs]"
Archer
"So wherever you idiots are, and whatever idiocy you're up to..."
Archer
"- ARCHER: I... - PAM: [chuckling] I don't think idiots"
Archer
"know how to find a million dollar treasure."
Archer
"A what?!"
Archer
"What'd she say, what treasure?"
Archer
"What are you two up to? Sterling?"
Archer
"Because you're both company employees"
Archer
"using company resources on company time, and so, legally,"
Archer
"anything of value, be it monetary or otherwise,"
Archer
"that you may happen to make, find, stumble upon,"
Archer
"or otherwise obt... [gunshot]"
Archer
"[yelps]"
Archer
"[Archer clears throat]"
Archer
"I, uh, probably shouldn't have said anything, huh?"
Archer
"- Yeah, but was that necessary? - No, Crackers, it wasn't."
Archer
"In fact, it was wildly unnecessary."
Archer
"Like radish roses, or Pam running her fat mouth."
Archer
"- I like radish roses. - Right?"
Archer
"- Typical. - Of what?"
Archer
"Of assholes. Now get out your shitty map"
Archer
"and get us to that goddamn idol"
Archer
"so I can lie to my mother about finding it,"
Archer
"and begin living a life of luxury where she can't find me."
Archer
"Okay. God. And it's not a shitty map."
Archer
"It'll take us right to the idol."
Archer
"Just set old Lucy down in Dead Man's Cove."
Archer
"Seriously? What, did somebody have dibs"
Archer
"- on Foreshadowing Lagoon? - Hmm. It doesn't say."
Archer
"[title music]"
Archer
"9x05 - Strange Doings in the Taboo Groves"
Archer
"CRACKERS: I just want to reiterate"
Archer
"that I think it was a pretty bad idea to shoot the radio."
Archer
"PAM: Jesus, talk about foreshadowing."
Archer
"Yeah, or don't. In fact, how about you two"
Archer
"don't talk about any... [howling]"
Archer
"- What the hell was that? - Maybe howler monkeys?"
Archer
"[howling continues]"
Archer
"Hopefully howler monkeys?"
Archer
"Yeah, except howler monkeys only live in Central and South America."
Archer
"Not only. Monkeys live everywhere."
Archer
"- No, they... - Shut up."
Archer
"One time, I saw a monkey in a bar, in Paris, France, Europe."
Archer
"- Wha...? - Dressed as a teeny tiny waiter."
Archer
"Well, then I obviously stand corrected. [howling]"
Archer
"- Yeah. Like an idiot. - MALORY: I'm sorry?"
Archer
"- Hello. Breakfast? - Oh, do tell."
Archer
"I will have a crispy golden Belgian waffle,"
Archer
"drizzled with melted Belgian chocolate,"
Archer
"with a side of Belgian endive."
Archer
"And I feel like I'd feel a lot better"
Archer
"if you were maybe writing this down."
Archer
"No need, that's just The King Leopold."
Archer
"Really? That's, like, a dish you have?"
Archer
"Oh, sarcasm. Well, then I'll just have champagne."
Archer
"- Fresh out. - Can you check again?"
Archer
"Or, I could have the Germans rip up"
Archer
"the walls and floors helping you look?"
Archer
"- What kind? - Mm... most expensive."
Archer
"Speaking of which, has Sterling mentioned anything to you"
Archer
"about coming into some money, or, say..."
Archer
"[whispers] treasure?"
Archer
"Oh, you mean since the night he defiled my young, supple body,"
Archer
"destroyed my marriage, and sentenced me to a life of shame?"
Archer
"Or whenever. And why the hell are you in here?!"
Archer
"- Uh, breakfast? - Not in here. You're 86'd."
Archer
"But I'm very hungry,"
Archer
"and for some verdammt reason, Luigi is not open."
Archer
"Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..."
Archer
"I also overheard you mention something about hidden treasure?"
Archer
"- Nope. - And also, I could not help"
Archer
"but notice you have there a map of the island?"
Archer
"- Nope. - And so, naturally, I wonder"
Archer
"if you think there is some treasure hidden somewhere on the island."
Archer
"Like in the book by Robert Louis Stevenson?"
Archer
"[gasps] "Weir of Hermiston?""
Archer
"Wha...? Nein, Treasure Island."
Archer
"I don't know all his goddamn books!"
Archer
"- Move! - MALORY: But what I know"
Archer
"is that unless you want Manu to scramble your eggs..."
Archer
"Yeah, I would love some scrambled... Oh, I see."
Archer
"You mean my testicles. [knuckles crack]"
Archer
"Schreckliche Stadt zum Frühstück."
Archer
"Well? Which way, "insert obscure reference"
Archer
"to a famous cartographer"?"
Archer
"- Ooh, Hendrik Hondius? - Sure. Pam?"
Archer
"- I don't know who that is. - No. Which way?"
Archer
"Okay, so... okay, so, the thing is..."
Archer
"Give me that. Oh, my God."
Archer
"- Is that... shit? - PAM: What?"
Archer
"- Ew! - No, dumb-ass. It's barbecue sauce."
Archer
"- Wha...? - Kansas City or Carolina?"
Archer
"- What am I, an asshole? - Already established, and so,"
Archer
"what was already the world's worst map"
Archer
"you somehow made even worse by..."
Archer
"Wait, where'd you get barbecue?"
Archer
"- What? - I haven't had barbecue"
Archer
"since we left Spain, where the hell did you get it?"
Archer
"- Oh. Uh... - Pam."
Archer
"- Look, it's not... - Oh, my God."
Archer
Show more clips