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Clips from Girls5eva - Alf Musik (S01E01)

"- [snoring]"
Girls5eva
"[alarm blares] - Ah."
Girls5eva
"[clears throat] - What?"
Girls5eva
"It's still dark. What's going on?"
Girls5eva
"- Oh, it's the Egg Hunter app."
Girls5eva
"It says you're ready to be fertilized"
Girls5eva
"with an ad for Turf Builder"
Girls5eva
"Weed & Feed?"
Girls5eva
"- Why don't you get the paid version?"
Girls5eva
"- I guess I could do it."
Girls5eva
"- Hey, no, it's too early,"
Girls5eva
"and ovulation takes a couple days,"
Girls5eva
"so let's just wait till I lay a couple more eggs or whatever."
Girls5eva
"- How do you know so little about the female body?"
Girls5eva
"- I went to Catholic school."
Girls5eva
"I only know what they show in paintings."
Girls5eva
"[upbeat music]"
Girls5eva
"- * Gonna be famous five-eva *"
Girls5eva
"* 'Cause forever's too short *"
Girls5eva
"* It's too short *"
Girls5eva
"* Gonna be famous three-gether *"
Girls5eva
"* 'Cause that's one more than together *"
Girls5eva
"* Gonna be famous five-ever *"
Girls5eva
"* cause forever's too short *"
Girls5eva
"* So what are you waiting five? *"
Girls5eva
"* Girls5eva *"
Girls5eva
"- Hello, I'm new here. I'm not telling you my name."
Girls5eva
"Our special today is penne à la vodka"
Girls5eva
"and Red Bull, and our soup is Italian divorce."
Girls5eva
"I'll be back with your NDAs."
Girls5eva
"- Great, so great."
Girls5eva
"- Hey, guys, what are we doing?"
Girls5eva
"Larry owns everything. We got Scottie Pippen'd."
Girls5eva
"- What kind of world are we living in"
Girls5eva
"where people are taking down other people's content?"
Girls5eva
"- Okay, I dug up our old agreement with Larry,"
Girls5eva
"and I think he used"
Girls5eva
"an old Ringling Brothers contract."
Girls5eva
"Not even for humans-- for bears."
Girls5eva
"- Why did we sign it?"
Girls5eva
"- We were kids. We didn't know."
Girls5eva
"- I really liked my signature."
Girls5eva
"- Bottom line is, he owns all the copyrights,"
Girls5eva
"and he can sue if we sing any Girls5eva songs"
Girls5eva
"without his permission. - Great."
Girls5eva
"- So now what? I have to keep working here?"
Girls5eva
"I can't take this any longer."
Girls5eva
"- Wickie, it's your first day."
Girls5eva
"Look, our songs were great. We just need more of them."
Girls5eva
"- How did we even get the old ones?"
Girls5eva
"[singing together] * He's an incredi-boy *"
Girls5eva
"- Up next, "No Hat Required.""
Girls5eva
"It's either about condoms"
Girls5eva
"or a late 1920s shift in men's fashion."
Girls5eva
"Either way, try to sound horny. - Always."
Girls5eva
"- Lar, I-I wrote a song, if we need it after."
Girls5eva
"Um, it's about something that doesn't kill you"
Girls5eva
"making you stronger. - What, like vampires?"
Girls5eva
"Stay in your lane."
Girls5eva
"We got Swedes who handle this. - It's stupid."
Girls5eva
"- Look, we only have the room for two more minutes,"
Girls5eva
"so sing fast."
Girls5eva
"We'll slow it in post. Go!"
Girls5eva
"[singing together] * You don't need a hat *"
Girls5eva
"* Hat, hat, hat, hat, hat, hat, hat *"
Girls5eva
"- Swedes?"
Girls5eva
"- Pardon."
Girls5eva
"- I got it. Let me see."
Girls5eva
""Lyrics by Alf Mu-usic.""
Girls5eva
"Well, that sounds Swedish."
Girls5eva
"Oops. Dawn, if you had a mustache,"
Girls5eva
"would you want me to tell you that?"
Girls5eva
"- Our songs were written by Alf Music?"
Girls5eva
"* *"
Girls5eva
"Oh, my God, he's written for everyone!"
Girls5eva
"Black Eyed Peas, Britney, Katy Perry!"
Girls5eva
"He's the one who came up with rhyming"
Girls5eva
""fire" and "tiger." - No!"
Girls5eva
"- Oh, he has more Grammys than LeVar Burton."
Girls5eva
"What, you don't follow who wins for audio books?"
Girls5eva
"- How do we find Alf Music"
Girls5eva
"and get him to write us another hit?"
Girls5eva
"- Eff it."
Girls5eva
"I am booking us four tickets to Stockholm."
Girls5eva
"- He lives an hour away. - Siri, undo!"
Girls5eva
"[phone beeps] - Apparently he's a reclusive,"
Girls5eva
"and he never leaves his compound,"
Girls5eva
"and he recently turned down a collaboration with Future"
Girls5eva
"because he's only concerned with the present."
Girls5eva
"Jesus, this guy's the big times."
Girls5eva
"- Ooh, I found the main studio line."
Girls5eva
"- There's always a way to meet a man with an ego."
Girls5eva
"- Ooh. [chuckles]"
Girls5eva
"[chiming]"
Girls5eva
"- Music-Music International. How may I hang up on you?"
Girls5eva
"- [with British accent] This is Jonathan Barron"
Girls5eva
"from MasterClass."
Girls5eva
"We wish to invite Alf Music"
Girls5eva
"to be our definitive teacher"
Girls5eva
"on our class on birthing a hook."
Girls5eva
"- Alf is out of the country, but I'll relay the message."
Girls5eva
"- Not a problem."
Girls5eva
"We'll just call David Guetta instead."
Girls5eva
"- Burn. - David Guetta?"
Girls5eva
"I am superior. Set the meeting, Emil."
Girls5eva
"* *"
Girls5eva
"- We're in. - [gasps]"
Girls5eva
"- [squeals] [laughter]"
Girls5eva
"[light music playing over TV]"
Girls5eva
"- The doorway is arched, and the entryway is arched."
Girls5eva
"- We could live like kings in Indianapolis."
Girls5eva
"That house is $48."
Girls5eva
"- It has a in-ground trampoline."
Girls5eva
"Maxie, come sit with us."
Girls5eva
"- Oscar is sitting there. - [chuckles] Right."
Girls5eva
"Your invisible friend. Can you sit on his lap?"
Girls5eva
"- No, I would hurt him."
Girls5eva
"[alarm blares]"
Girls5eva
"- Oh, Jesus, the Egg Hunter app."
Girls5eva
"- Insert in five, four..."
Girls5eva
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