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Clips from South Park - Tom's Rhinoplasty (S01E01)

"You'll love this next episode. It's our favorite. "Tom's Rhinoplasty.""
South Park
"But remember, if you play "I'm Natasha Henstridge" with your friends..."
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"Tom's Rhinoplasty"
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"Stop this. You're killing me!"
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"Mr. Garrison won't be teaching for a while. He has to have surgery."
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"But I'll try to make things as easy as possible for all of us."
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"I'm embarrassed about getting a nose job, Tom."
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"Now, I must warn you, there are risks."
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"- No. - Well, it is!"
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"- We should buy Miss Ellen presents. - We'll go to the mall tonight."
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"Me, me, me!"
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"That's very nice, Mr. Chef. Now, if you're finished..."
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"We've got to learn that."
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"...sawed through some bone, snapped some cartilage."
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"By the way, did you ever see that movie Contact?"
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"- I'm not kissing ass, you slut! - Miss Ellen, can I talk to you?"
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"I couldn't help but notice you've taken a liking to my boyfriend, Stan."
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"Stay away from my man, bitch..."
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"Why, it's a dead animal. Thank you, Wendy."
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"...do they have to wear Depend undergarments?"
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"I aced that test. I'm gonna win that dinner."
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"No, you're not."
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"All you need to know is Miss Ellen's a lesbian..."
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"My grandma was Dutch-Irish and my grandpa was lesbian."
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"- I'm a quarter lesbian. - You're just saying that."
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"No, but thanks for asking."
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"...is load her into a rocket and have her shot into the sun."
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"- I think it worked, Bebe. - Yeah."
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"- Oh, no, Mr. Garrison's back. - Weak!"
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"...and Miss Ellen can stay on as your permanent teacher."
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"- Well, sure. - No! No!"
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"- But why? - First of all, you're 8."
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"What the...?"
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"Whoa! Hey, wait, wait!"
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"Down by the fire?"
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"No, I have to apologize for the way I've been acting."
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"- Well, I would love that, Wendy. - And I want to apologize to everybody."
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"Damn this beautiful face of mine. Damn it to hell!"
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"We have to get the surgery again, Mr. Hat. I wanna be the old me again."
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"- Down! Down! Everybody down! - What the hell?"
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"- So we meet again, Miss Ellen. - Just what is going on here?"
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"For crimes against this country, you are to be shot into the sun."
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"- This whole outcome is pretty strange. - Excuse me."
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"Mr. Garrison gets a nose job..."
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"...a substitute teacher comes to South Park..."
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"It's our favorite episode because we got Natasha Henstridge..."
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"...to be the voice of the substitute teacher. She was in the movie Species."
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"We loved her acting."
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"We used to freeze-frame a lot of her acting on the VCR..."
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"I'd close my eyes and pretend Matt was Natasha..."
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"...then Matt would pretend I was Natasha."
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"...play it safe."
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"Look, it's our friend Indian Companion."
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"Say hi to Indian Companion, kids."
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"What's happening, Indian Companion? Someone coming?"
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"- Someone coming. - Someone coming. Great."
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"- Go build a tepee. - You'll be Natasha Henstridge tonight."
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"So sit back, relax and have a rootin'-tootin' good time..."
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"...with "Tom's Rhinoplasty." Yee-haw!"
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"- Stan, it's almost Valentine's Day. - I know."
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"- We should go on a cruise. - I can't afford a cruise."
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"Shut up, Cartman."
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"Then we could dress up in costumes and pretend we're getting married."
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"Children, I have some difficult news."
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"So you're going to have a substitute teacher."
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"Anyhoo, I want you all to meet your new substitute, Miss Ellen."
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"Hello, children."
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"Wow, she's pretty."
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"You can say that again."
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"Thank you. I'm sure I'll be fine."
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"Stan? Stan?"
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"Okay, and you must be Stan Marsh."
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"Do you need to go to the nurse?"
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"So you're all right?"
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"Mr. Garrison, people have cosmetic surgery all the time."
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"We could go with something smaller, which would make you look like this:"
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"Or we could straighten out the bridge, like this:"
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"- That's not bad. - We could narrow the bridge..."
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"...which would make you look more like this:"
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"You could wind up a hideous creature, forced to live in the sewers..."
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"- I can live with that. - Then let's get started."
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"- She was checking me out. - Until you puked on her."
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"- Miss Ellen. She's beautiful. - Is she Vanessa Williams beautiful..."
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"...or Toni Braxton beautiful? Or Pamela Anderson beautiful?"
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"Or is she Erin Gray of Buck Rogers beautiful?"
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"- Yeah, that one. - I gotta meet this woman."
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"Didn't you notice how her left arm is longer than the right one?"
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"Did you notice that mole on her neck with hair growing out of it?"
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"That's okay. You know what they say about women with moles on their necks."
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"- We're still valentines, right? - Sure, whatever."
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"I'm gonna buy her a vacuum cleaner. Chicks love vacuum cleaners."
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"Goodness. Would anybody mind cleaning my erasers?"
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"You're so immature! Act like 8-year-olds."
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"Now, let's review our multiplication tables."
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"- Cartman? - What's a multiplication table?"
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"Didn't Mr. Garrison teach multiplication?"
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"Where did he leave off?"
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"...that guy who used to be on 2 1 Jump Street."
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"- Hello. - Can I help you?"
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"- I'm Chef. - And...?"
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"I stopped by because Kyle forgot his detergent on the playground."
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"- My detergent? - That's not..."
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"Crazy cracker's always leaving detergent."
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"- I'm the substitute. - Well, there's no substitute for you."
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"That was enthralling. Could I get back to teaching?"
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"- Lf we could have dinner tonight. - Fine, just let me do my job."
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"- Chef's gonna make love to Miss Ellen! - What?"
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"- The operation is over, Mr. Garrison. - I feel weak. How do I look?"
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"- You look great. - I feel kind of nauseous."
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"That's to be expected. We did major reconstruction..."
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"All the blood and mucus, the sound of bone and sinew coming apart..."
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"- Stop! That movie was terrible! - I'm sorry, Mr. Garrison."
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"Why don't you get some rest? I'll check on you a little later."
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"I waited through that movie to see the alien, and it was her father!"
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"Remember your homework. We have a lot of catching up."
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"- Goodbye, Miss Ellen. - Stop kissing ass."
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"Of course, Wendy."
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"I've taken a liking to all of you. You're all so cute and full of life."
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"...or I'll whup your sorry ass back to last year!"
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"Bye, Miss Ellen!"
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