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Clips from Friends - The One with the Jam (S03E03)

"- "Does size matter?" - No."
Friends
"And it works both ways."
Friends
"Okay, so you both just know this stuff?"
Friends
"You know, after about 30 or 40 fights, you kind of catch on."
Friends
"Okay. For instance, ahem:"
Friends
"Let's say Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options."
Friends
"Option number one: She'll take a cab home from the airport."
Friends
"Or option two: You can meet her at baggage claim. What do you do?"
Friends
"It's actually secret option number three."
Friends
"You meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her."
Friends
"RACHEL: Hmm. - Okay, this is good. This is good."
Friends
"All right, listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle..."
Friends
"...at night, which I'm all for. - Mm."
Friends
"But, uh, you know, when you want to go to sleep, you want some space."
Friends
"So, uh, you know, how do I tell her that without..."
Friends
"...you know, accidentally calling her fat or something?"
Friends
"Oh. Honey, I'm sorry. We can't help you there, because we're cuddly sleepers."
Friends
"[ROSS & RACHEL GROANING]"
Friends
"- Okay, I'm late for work. - Oh."
Friends
"- Are you guys gonna come down? - Uh, yeah. I'm right behind you."
Friends
"- Good luck, Chandler. CHANDLER: Thank you, Rachel."
Friends
"ROSS: Bye, sweetie. - Bye, honey."
Friends
"[DOOR CLOSES]"
Friends
"Okay, the sleeping thing."
Friends
"Very tricky business but there is something you can do."
Friends
"No, not cuddly. Not me. Just her."
Friends
"I'm like you. I need the room. Ahem."
Friends
"Okay, come here. Ahem."
Friends
"Okay. You're in bed."
Friends
"Yeah?"
Friends
"- I'm gonna use the cushion. - Yeah."
Friends
"Okay. You're in bed. She's over on your side cuddling."
Friends
"Now, you wait for her to drift off..."
Friends
"...and then you hug her..."
Friends
"...and roll her over to her side of the bed."
Friends
"...roll away."
Friends
"Hug for her."
Friends
"Roll for you."
Friends
"- Okay. One question. - Shoot."
Friends
"You're pretending the pillow's a girl, right?"
Friends
"Remember when you were a kid..."
Friends
"...with a jar ofjam and a little spoon?"
Friends
"You're so pretty."
Friends
"- Hi. ALL: Hey, Phoebe."
Friends
"Hey, oh! You know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today."
Friends
"[MUMBLING] You talked to him? Are you crazy?"
Friends
"Okay, first, I'm not crazy. And second, say it. Don't spray it."
Friends
"[JOEY GROANS]"
Friends
"Anyway, his name is Malcolm, and he wasn't following me."
Friends
"I mean, he was, but just because he thought I was Ursula. Ick."
Friends
"And that's why... That's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me."
Friends
"Because of the restraining order."
Friends
"Hmm. Not feeling better about Malcolm."
Friends
"Oh! No, no, no, he's not like a kook."
Friends
"No, he's just this, like, very passionate, incredibly romantic guy..."
Friends
"...that just got a teensy bit carried away, you know?"
Friends
"And we just get along really well, and he's so cute."
Friends
"Oh, my God. You've got a crush on your sister's stalker."
Friends
"No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get "de-Ursula-ized.""
Friends
"Like, you know... Like I did for Joey after he went out with her."
Friends
"Yeah, but I didn't stalk her. I mean..."
Friends
"I asked for the news, not the weather."
Friends
"[GROANS]"
Friends
"- Hey, guys. ALL: Hey, Mon."
Friends
"Joey, this is for you. It's blackberry currant."
Friends
"Oh."
Friends
"Yeah."
Friends
"Hey, Joe, I gotta ask."
Friends
"...or a big tub of jam?"
Friends
"Put your hands together."
Friends
"Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch."
Friends
"No more jam?"
Friends
"What happened to your jam plan?"
Friends
"Well, I figured out I'd need to charge 17 bucks a jar just to break even."
Friends
"So I've got a new plan now. Babies."
Friends
"Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars."
Friends
"- What are you talking about? - About me having a baby."
Friends
"- Are you serious? - Yeah."
Friends
"The great thing about the jam plan was I was take control of my life."
Friends
"So I asked myself, "What is the most important thing to me?""
Friends
"And that's when I came up with the baby plan."
Friends
"Well, aren't you forgetting something?"
Friends
"What is, uh...? What is that guy's name? Dad."
Friends
"It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanted to spend my life with."
Friends
"If I have to wait another 28 years, then I'll be 56 before I can have a baby."
Friends
"And that's just stupid."
Friends
"That's what's stupid?"
Friends
"I don't need an actual man. Just a couple of his best swimmers."
Friends
"You know? And there are places that you can go to get that stuff."
Friends
"Down at the docks again?"
Friends
"Night-night..."
Friends
"...Janice."
Friends
"CHANDLER: Look at all that room on her side."
Friends
"You could fit a giant penguin over there."
Friends
"That'd be weird, though."
Friends
"Hug and roll time."
Friends
"Yes! Freedom!"
Friends
"Except for this arm."
Friends
"I'm stuck. Stuck arm."
Friends
"Okay, time for the old tablecloth trick. One fluid motion."
Friends
"Quick like a cat. Quick like a cat."
Friends
"...three."
Friends
"Here's my binoculars."
Friends
"Oh, great. Great. You're doing great."
Friends
"You know, real strong. Going strong. Keep going."
Friends
"These are my night-vision goggles."
Friends
"This is the book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park."
Friends
"And these are Madlibs. They're just for fun."
Friends
"Oh, yeah. Ha, ha. What's this?"
Friends
"Oh. This is the log I kept, recording her every movement."
Friends
"- You want to hear something from it? - Um, not even a little bit."
Friends
"- It's about you. - Oh, okay, then."
Friends
"[BOTH CHUCKLING]"
Friends
"- "I met Phoebe today. - Ha, ha."
Friends
"She was really nice to me even though I'm such a loser.""
Friends
"Oh."
Friends
"It was weird but kind of cool.""
Friends
"Good. Ha, ha."
Friends
"So, what were you thinking?"
Friends
"I was thinking what it'd be like to kiss you."
Friends
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