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Clips from Friends - The One with the Jam (S03E03)

"- Aw, is it broken? - Aw."
Friends
"You wouldn't return my calls. You sent back my letters."
Friends
"Oh. Oh."
Friends
"Oh. Well, this is awkward."
Friends
"- Why? - Um..."
Friends
"Yeah, because you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters."
Friends
"Well, thanks."
Friends
"BOTH: No."
Friends
"That's easy. Baggage claim."
Friends
"Ehh! Wrong. Now you're single."
Friends
"- I thought you were cuddly sleepers. - No."
Friends
"And then you..."
Friends
"- Okay, the old "hug and roll." - Yep."
Friends
"...and your mom would drop you off at the movies..."
Friends
"Aw."
Friends
"[POLICE SIRENS WAILING IN THE DISTANCE]"
Friends
"Night-night, Bing-a-ling."
Friends
"I'm hugging. I'm hugging."
Friends
"You're rolling, and..."
Friends
"And one, two..."
Friends
""And then when I was walking home, I thought about her a lot."
Friends
"...but I'm so ready."
Friends
"You know, I see the way Ben looks at you."
Friends
"Check it out. Jam crackers."
Friends
"Okay. All right, how's this?"
Friends
"Wow. Big family. Seven sisters..."
Friends
"Well, honey, it is pretty competitive."
Friends
"Hey, maybe I should call this place..."
Friends
"Oh, I was just here looking for my, um..."
Friends
"So you spied on me."
Friends
"Just walking along, looking like me."
Friends
"I'm so pathetic."
Friends
"I'd say so. He's got brown hair and green eyes."
Friends
"I like that."
Friends
""We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.""
Friends
"We do not have one of those signs."
Friends
"...and they're running around on the deck."
Friends
"Sure."
Friends
"They haven't sold a single unit of Tribbiani."
Friends
"- Sure. What's up? - Uh, ha, ha."
Friends
"[BEDSPRINGS SQUEAKING]"
Friends
"[JOEY YELLS AND FALLS DOWN]"
Friends
"See, Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed."
Friends
"Hey, look at me. I'm making jam."
Friends
"- I've been at it since 4:00 this morning. - Where'd you get fruit at 4 in the morning?"
Friends
"Went down at the docks."
Friends
"Bet you didn't know you can get it wholesale."
Friends
"I didn't know there were docks."
Friends
"[KNOCKING ON DOOR]"
Friends
"BOTH: Hey."
Friends
"Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?"
Friends
"No. I had a whole story worked out, but then..."
Friends
"...Chandler sold me out."
Friends
"I'm sorry, Joe."
Friends
"I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just fell out of his socket."
Friends
"What is this? Fruit?"
Friends
"Monica's making jam."
Friends
"Jam? I love jam. Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?"
Friends
"Because the kids need new shoes."
Friends
"I'm going into business, people. I'm sick of being depressed about Richard."
Friends
"I needed a plan. A plan to get over my man."
Friends
"What's the opposite of man? Jam."
Friends
"Joey, don't. It's way too hot."
Friends
"[GROANS]"
Friends
"This will just be my batch."
Friends
"Um, that's it. No. Hey you. J. Crew guy..."
Friends
"Yeah. Why are you following me?"
Friends
"All week long, everywhere I look, there's you."
Friends
"- What? - One more chance, Ursula. Please."
Friends
"Seriously."
Friends
"Oh. That's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman."
Friends
"I am such a dingus!"
Friends
"Oh, you're not a dingus."
Friends
"Before I met your sister, I was, like, this normal guy..."
Friends
"...who sold beepers and cellular phones."
Friends
"Well... I mean, look, it's not your fault, you know?"
Friends
"I mean, this is just what she does to guys, okay?"
Friends
"Just..."
Friends
"Wait. You know what? I got a little story."
Friends
"When I was in junior high school..."
Friends
"...I went through this period where I thought I was a witch."
Friends
"And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me..."
Friends
"...that I think will help you a lot."
Friends
"He said, "Okay, you're not a witch. You're just an average student.""
Friends
"- See what I'm saying? - Not really."
Friends
"Um, well, get over it."
Friends
"I mean, you just... You seem like a really nice guy."
Friends
"You know, I just... Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?"
Friends
"Wait, you're right. I know you're right. And thanks for being so nice."
Friends
"- Here. - Aah!"
Friends
"Thanks a lot."
Friends
"Do you wanna get a cup of coffee or...?"
Friends
"- Yeah, okay. - Okay."
Friends
"You don't have to walk behind me anymore."
Friends
"Sorry."
Friends
"[BOTH CHUCKLING]"
Friends
"- Mon? - Mon?"
Friends
""Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.""
Friends
"Wait a minute. Look."
Friends
"- Look, look, look. - What, what, what?"
Friends
"- It's an empty apartment. - Mm."
Friends
"We're all alone in an empty apartment."
Friends
"Aw, honey, come on. I have to be at work in, like, 10 minutes and, oh..."
Friends
"All right. Well, it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything."
Friends
"Ha, ha. Whoo!"
Friends
"- There it is. RACHEL: Oh."
Friends
"- Oh, that's what you're talking about. ROSS: Ahem."
Friends
"RACHEL: Hey. - Hey."
Friends
"Do I look fat?"
Friends
"Okay, I accept that."
Friends
"When Janice asked me and I said no..."
Friends
"...she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow."
Friends
"Okay, walk us through it, honey. Walk us through it."
Friends
"Okay, well, Janice said, uh:"
Friends
""Hi. Do I look fat today?" And I looked at her..."
Friends
"You looked at her?"
Friends
"[BOTH CHUCKLING]"
Friends
"- You never look. - Mm-mm."
Friends
"You just answer. It's like a reflex. "Do I look fat?" "No.""
Friends
""Is she prettier than I am?" "No.""
Friends
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