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Clips from 30 Rock - The Fabian Strategy (S05E05)

"Look, as we enter the 5th season of TGS..."
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"And remember, no one ever thought we'd make it this far..."
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"- I believed in us. - And that was actually an oversight."
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"Like what?"
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"Everyone must make eye contact"
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"- She also gets a producer credit. - What?"
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"Oh, it's just a vanity credit, Lemon."
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"A low-cost way to make someone feel more important."
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"Like executive producer Ashton Kutcher"
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"or Secretary of State Hillary Clinton."
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"Am I late for the producer's meeting?"
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"Thank you."
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"First day back's gonna be a busy one."
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"First, I need you to go to the drycleaners for me"
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"Then I need you to be back by noon"
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"to make the bathroom smell like sandalwood before I wreck it."
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"You got that, K-packs of gum?"
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"My name's Brian. Kenneth got fired at the end of last season."
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"So, how are things with Carol?"
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"Good."
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"that Chili's will seat you right away"
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"even if the pilot's dinner companion has just been yelling at the hostess?"
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"You are the Jackie O of our time."
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"Why would he? Those Starwinds are nice."
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"I don't know how they do it."
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"They clean them."
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"I hate that word, "relationship". It's almost as bad as "climax"."
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"At some point you have to go home"
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"unpack your dirty laundry, and have a life together."
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"Then one of you says, "We should redecorate,""
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"Unfortunately, she wants to repaint the upstairs hallway"
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"in a strie faux finish called Husk."
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"So tell her no. It's your house."
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"This is how I know you've never had an adult relationship."
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"then I will be required to say yes to something else in the future,"
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"and the stakes in the future might be higher."
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"Then say yes."
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"If I give in, then I'm no longer the Alpha in my house."
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"Yeah, well, yes and no are kind of your only two choices."
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"The Fabian strategy."
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"I know this. If an apple and a feather fall at the same time..."
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"The Fabian strategy derives its name"
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"Although I abhor it as a military strategy,"
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"it is the basis for all of my personal relationships."
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"So Avery is your enemy. That sounds healthy."
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"Meeting someone in a hotel room twice a month is not a relationship,"
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"just ask any hooker."
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"Stop staying "relationship"."
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"I'm sorry. I was going to say "climax"."
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"I love this!"
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"Except for Tracy, I'm the most person on the show."
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"What do we do now?"
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"Oh, okay. Well, Jack wants me to keep the budget flat,"
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"but I don't want to deny people their raises."
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"Fire Grace? Come on, you'd have to be a heartless monster to..."
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"Your health insurance will remain in effect until the end..."
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"Come on. Chop-chop."
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"Oh, come on!"
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"just like my kidneys did to my lungs that time."
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"I keep hallucinating Kenneth."
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"Am I going crazy again?"
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"Should I get my rainbow wig out of storage?"
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"I'll try."
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"I gotta clear my head!"
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"And bye."
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"Would you rather have to start every sentence you say"
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"with Erkel's catchphrase, "Did I do that?""
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"Or be Siamese twins with Sharon Stone for a year?"
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"Did I do that?"
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"Carol!"
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"Try five miles high, and no, I have not."
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"No, but once when I was in the Air Force,"
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"Was the Air Force like Top Gun?"
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"Yeah, but with a lot more volleyball."
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"You ever kill anyone?"
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"Sucked a mechanic into my engine once."
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"Are you on Facebook?"
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"And these are for you."
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"A passenger left them in the first-class lavatory."
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"You think it'd be all right if I stayed at your place?"
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"Uh, yeah, of course!"
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"I'll just have to run home first"
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"and take some plates out of the bathroom."
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"Yeah! Lt'll be a fun step for us."
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"I just can't believe that every Starwinds suite in the city is taken."
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"Me neither. Lady said they're all booked up"
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"for something called "Jackfest.""
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"How many rooms did you book?"
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"I am a grown woman!"
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"I have been doing things my way for a long time."
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"I don't like my life stuff mixing with my dude stuff."
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"A middle-aged woman saying "dude stuff,""
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"Why, yes, it is."
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"Carol and I enjoy our separate but intersecting lifestyles."
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"It's perfect. I'm like that woman on the Food Network"
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"whose husband only comes home on the weekends,"
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"eating and drinking with her gay friends."
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"and you will never be like her, starting with the barefoot part."
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"Over socks. In a dream."
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"we will sort you according to attractiveness."
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"Front. Front. Back. Balcony."
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"Front. Front."
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"Wanna watch TV?"
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"Ina Garten, sweater weather..."
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"We really see eye-to-eye on a lot of stuff, don't we?"
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"Absolutely. I've never met anyone before"
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"who had the exact same idea as me about what to do with Palestine."
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"but then we still have our separate lives."
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"No, no, I can't... I can't live like this anymore!"
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"I'm not like Geoffrey Garten."
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"Don't have too much fun without me, okay?"
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"No! No! It okay! Don't be cry!"
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"I'm a... I'm a pilot, Liz."
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"You know, I spent my entire adult life just..."
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"casual girlfriends in different cities."
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"L-I-I-I can't go from woman to woman to woman anymore."
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"And I'm a pilot."
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"- Hello? - Thanks!"
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"Carol had a complete meltdown about the state of our relationship."
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"I had to spoon him for like an hour, and I was the outer spoon!"
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