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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Wiggly Finger Catalyst (S05E05)

"Oh, she's here."
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"No joke."
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"- She's sorry she's late. - Oh, tell her it doesn't matter."
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"...in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens."
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"Really? That's the first thing you wanna say?"
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"- I worked on it all night. Use it. - I don't know the sign for "opalescent.""
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"- Then spell it. - I don't know how to spell it."
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"You're blowing this for me."
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"He likes your eyes, heh."
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"...and whatever number she says, say, "Me too.""
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"No."
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"Fine. Tell her I have a deep, sexy voice like James Earl Jones."
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"Great. Then she won't know I'm lying."
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"Let's see, what else can I tell you about me that would make you like me?"
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"Uh..."
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"Oh, I love music."
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"Do you love music?"
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"You really wanna ask her that?"
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"Oh. You're right. Heh, everyone loves music."
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"She says, "Do you play an instrument?""
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"No, but when I was 6 years old..."
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"...I tried to start a boy band called Frankie Goes to Bollywood."
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"...so my parents asked the servants to be my backup dancers."
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"Wait, when you sign servants, don't sign it like I'm bragging."
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"Sign it in a way that I sound humble, with just a hint of:"
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""That's right, I had servants.""
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"- Do you hear yourself? - Yes, but she doesn't."
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"So get signing, hand monkey."
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"I think I wrote a letter to Santa Claus every day."
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"And then on Christmas morning..."
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"...under the tree is a little puppy with a red ribbon."
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"- What are you doing? - Texting Bernadette I'm gonna be late."
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"Just smile and laugh."
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"- Quick, stop smiling. - What? Why?"
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"The puppy died. It choked on a doll head. Sad face, sad face."
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"It's a little hard to see with the city lights..."
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"And she was the mother of Andromeda, who's over there."
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"Look, pretty stars."
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"This is her car, heh."
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"She hopes she can see you again sometime."
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"Good, good. Uh..."
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"Oh, boy, uh, help me out here. Does she want me to kiss her or not?"
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"I was so smooth on that date."
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"You? I made you smooth. You were an idiot."
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"Whatever, dude. She kissed me."
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"Fine. Let's agree she kissed both of us."
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"Okay."
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"Mustache is looking good there, Sheldon."
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"Don't thank me. Thank the dice."
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"They told me what percentage of my face to shave."
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"Why are you still doing this?"
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"Because it's working."
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"In the past few weeks, unburdened by trivial decisions..."
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"...I've co-authored two papers in notable peer-reviewed journals..."
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"...and I'm close to figuring out why the Large Hadron Collider..."
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"...has yet to isolate the Higgs boson particle."
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"You left out, got chafed testicles because you no longer wear underpants."
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"The dice giveth and the dice taketh away."
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"- Is Raj out with Emily again? - Yeah. Every night for the last month."
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"Wow. I can't believe he has a girlfriend."
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"Me neither."
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"Here's some other fun news on the Raj-Emily front."
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"He gave her a pair of diamond earrings and leased her a car."
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"You're kidding."
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"- Think she's taking advantage of him? - Oh, of course not."
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"She wouldn't do something like that. She's deaf."
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"Deaf women can't be gold diggers?"
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"Handicapped people are nice, Leonard. Everyone knows that."
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"I actually have information about Raj that would be helpful with this discussion."
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"Could you tell us?"
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"Let's see."
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"Wait. Hang on. Doubles. Roll again."
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"Okay, get this."
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"It doesn't matter if he's showering her with gifts..."
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"...because the Koothrappalis are vastly wealthy."
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"- What do you mean "vastly wealthy"? - Well, "wealthy" means a lot of money."
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""Vastly" means even more. I'm not sure what's tripping you up."
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"I know they have money. I don't think it's that much."
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"No, you're wrong. As you know, a few years ago..."
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"...I achieved one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public."
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"Well, from time to time, I notarize banking documents for Raj."
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"The Koothrappalis aren't just rich, they're Richie Rich rich."
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"Well, so how much is that?"
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"About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck."
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"The last time we went to the zoo..."
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"...that son of a bitch made me buy him a churro."
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"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude but I need to go call Raj's sister..."
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"...who I love so much."
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"Ahem, so vastly much."
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"Okay, so he's got money, and it's a few gifts, and a car."
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"And she got him to pay off all her credit cards."
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"What? He paid off her credit cards?"
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"Damn it, I could have dated Raj for a couple months."
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"But I wouldn't have because I'm not that kind of girl. We should really talk to Raj."
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"He's not gonna listen, he's in love."
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"Can't figure out what to do? I remember those days."
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"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to..."
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"...stay right here."
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"- This is a bad idea. We should go. - No."
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"Wow."
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"- You're engaged to my friend. - Hey, Bernadette doesn't mind..."
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"...where I get my motor running, as long as I park in the right garage."
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"I can't believe you're engaged to my friend."
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"Oh, here she comes."
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"Um, can we talk to you about Raj?"
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"She says, "Sure, what about him?""
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"Okay. Um, gosh, how do I start?"
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"He hasn't dated a whole lot of women."
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"...you might be taking advantage of him."
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"By letting him buy you a bunch of expensive things."
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"I... Howard, focus."
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"- Tell her what I'm saying. - Right."
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"Oh, something, something. Who the something do you think you are?"
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"Mind your own something business and go something yourself."
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"Oh, ha, ha, wait, I got this now."
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"- I'm so mad at you. - Okay, wait."
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"How dare you ambush my girlfriend at the gym?"
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"We didn't mean for it to be an ambush."
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"It's kind of impossible not to sneak up on deaf people."
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"And, hey, since when are you so chatty?"
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