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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Shiny Trinket Maneuver (S05E05)

"...and catch up on the adventures of the Caped Crusader only to emerge..."
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""This is an ordinary top hat." "You've chosen that card freely.""
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"...then we create adults who believe in astrology and homeopathy..."
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"...a quarter in your ear."
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""Nice Hat, Bob Tahecin.""
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"You have to at least try to be excited by the things she's excited by."
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"She'd see right through that. We go to the zoo all the time."
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"...to see the rest of the act."
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"It's after 9:00. At this hour, the streets of Pasadena..."
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"...it's possible that I'm not boyfriend material."
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"Glad I was sitting down for that."
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"Nuts to that. What else you got?"
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"And now, all the rings are magically linked together."
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"My fiancée's wearing a magic ring too. It made all my money disappear."
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"Okay, we're going to roll up this newspaper."
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"Howdini?"
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"She's just kidding, boys and girls. Everyone gets cake."
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"Right. When it's our kid that's ruined my body, kept me up all night..."
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"Well, yeah."
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"My apologies. How can I help you today?"
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"Every day, people go to the grocery store and come home with sacks..."
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"...that'll kill her too. So either way on the Mom front, I'm golden."
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"I said, "Hey, wanna come over and hang out?""
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"...put it on me, put it on me, put it on me."
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"My mom can be a pretty good shoulder to cry on..."
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"- Me? - Yeah."
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"Completely empty box, if you'd like to examine it."
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"Mm-hm."
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"Yep. I see nothing in this box but a wasted childhood."
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"Little snarky there, cello lessons."
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"We have this completely ordinary cylinder if you'd like to examine it."
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"Ordinary, yet I sense it is dripping with magical potential."
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"Oh, dear Lord."
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"A man pops out for a moment to evacuate his bowels..."
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"...and discover his apartment has been transformed into a cabaret."
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"Sheldon, he's practicing for his cousin's birthday party."
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"As I was saying, empty box, empty cylinder, and..."
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"Ooh!"
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"Voilà."
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"I'm telling you, there's a seat on the Hogwart's Express with your name on it."
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"- By lying to them? - How is this lying?"
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"A magic show is an inherently deceitful proposition."
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""I do not have a set of lock picks lodged in my keister.""
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"Can't you just enjoy the wonder?"
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"Why must you peek behind the curtain, or up the butt?"
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"If we poison the critical thinking faculties of children..."
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"...by telling them rabbits come out of hats..."
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"...and Ryan Reynolds was a better choice for Green Lantern..."
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"...than lovable rogue Nathan Fillion."
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"He's just gonna do a few magic tricks for some kids."
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"I really don't think they're gonna end up liking the Green Lantern movie."
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"Don't be so hard on him, it's natural to be a little cranky when you have..."
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"Coins lodged in body parts is not a source of amusement."
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"When I was five, Billy Sparks put a Mexican peso up my nose."
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"- How is that not amusing? - It's still there."
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"It takes me 45 minutes to get through airport security."
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"Look. I made Sheldon disappear. Ta-da!"
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"Next time you should open with that."
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"Ooh! Look who's out on a date. Pasadena's favorite power couple, Shamy."
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"And that is the answer to the question:"
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""What is wrong with eating at the Cheesecake Factory?""
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"So are we celebrating anything special tonight?"
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"Oh, yes."
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"Our relationship agreement specifies the second Thursday of every month..."
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"...or the third Thursday in a month with five Thursdays is date night."
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"That is so hot."
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"All right, without objection, the minutes of the previous date..."
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"...are considered read and agreed to. Any new business?"
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"- How was your day? - Superb."
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"Sounds like you hit the ground running."
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"I have a bit of good news myself."
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"My most recent paper on how cooperative long-term potentiation..."
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"...can map memory sequences in dendritic branches..."
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"...made the cover of Neuron."
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"Ooh! Peaking of good news, somebody just hit 100 Twitter followers."
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"That's nice. Anyway, I've been dreaming of this day for a long time."
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"Yeah, me too. Triple digits. I'm not gonna lie, feels pretty good."
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"I'm the sole author on a paper being published..."
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"...in a distinguished journal that may change the course of my field."
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"Mm-hm, mm-hm. Ooh!"
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"One-oh-one! Air's getting a bit thin up here."
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"So are we ready to order?"
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"Give me a minute. I'm gonna go wash up."
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"Well, that's odd. We both washed up when we came in."
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"It's probably a euphemism for urination."
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"- Sheldon, what is wrong with you? - Not much."
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"I don't know what it is, when they start munching on eucalyptus, I melt inside."
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"Okay. Amy told you some exciting news and you acted like it was no big deal."
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"Oh! I see why you're confused. No."
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"Her news sounded important, but what you're forgetting is..."
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"...it was an achievement in the field of biology."
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"All right, honey, she's upset. You're her boyfriend."
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"- What if they simply don't excite me? - Well, just smile and think about koalas."
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"And for future reference, it's this."
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"Wow, you have a lot of magic stuff."
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"Yeah, started when I was a teenager."
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"Thought I could show a girl a few tricks and invite her up to my bedroom..."
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"- Did it work? - Let's just say..."
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"...the only wand that ever saw any action was this one."
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"Oh! Look what my mom made us for the act."
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"Ooh! I like the fabric. Where'd she get it?"
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"Well, she cut up one of her old bathing suits."
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"She made these two vests and half a dozen napkins."
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"Has she tried on the vest yet?"
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": I just gave it to her. - I hope it fits."
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"She has a tricky figure. She's short and stacked like me."
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"She's not stacked like you, Ma. She never steps on hers."
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"Listen, Howie. Maybe I'm not the best choice to be a magician's assistant."
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"You'll do fine. Hand me those rings?"
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"See? You nailed it."
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"No, it's just that I'm not that comfortable with little kids."
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"That's because you haven't been around them."
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"This is good practice. I mean, you are gonna be a mom someday, right?"
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"Yeah, sure."
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"Oh, ho, ho!"
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"I haven't seen this trick in years."
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"...but there's a secret compartment in the lid."
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"And then you open it and produce a live..."
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"Don't look in there."
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"Oh, a little "Red Dead Redemption," huh?"
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