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Clips from A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - The Austere Academy: Part One (S02E02)

"You may have the smarts and the skills."
A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017)
"You may have the classified codes and secret libraries."
A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017)
"- But do you know what I have? - What?"
A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017)
"- Line. - A jeweled..."
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"A jeweled broach!"
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"What?"
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"Yes, a jeweled... Wait, what? [stammers] A... That's..."
A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017)
"Larry, your waiter."
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"You know what they say about the food service industry."
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"- [Olaf laughing] - [Larry grunts]"
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"- Pruf... - [students] Rock!"
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"- Baudelaires! - We think you're in danger."
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"What's wrong?"
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"The Baudelaires are in no danger at all."
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"In fact, my wife just dropped by the office"
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"[phone rings]"
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"Yes. They even took my hairnet."
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"Try jumping, or reciting a Jack London story."
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"[stutters] Oh, that's a good idea. Would you mind sending..."
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"Yes, of course. I'll call you a taxi."
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"[shivering]"
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"- [Tamerlane] Poe, are you there? Focus. - Oh, what?"
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"No. Sorry, Mr. Tamerlane. It was just my receptionist."
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"Every so often, their phone rings and they dive under their desks,"
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"[Jacques] Got it. Of course. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill."
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"[Lemony] The world is quiet here."
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"This might sound curious, like the motto of a secret organization,"
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"What did you see?"
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"- We think we saw Count Olaf! - What?"
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"I don't know which I like more, the word "pep" or "rally.""
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"- Who can't be beat? - [students] A dead horse!"
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"[students cheering]"
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"since our athletes, cheerleaders and beloved gym teacher vanished"
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"But Prufrock Preparatory School has a motto."
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"It's "memento mori.""
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"And soon, indeed, the sun will set, the fiery orb of life,"
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"leaving me alone!"
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"Our gym teacher was irreplaceable,"
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"And now, please welcome to the stage,"
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"a man with no résumé, no letters of recommendation,"
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"no credit history, but with such a marvelous ear for music"
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"Your new gym teacher, Coach Genghis!"
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"[both] Count Olaf."
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"♪ Comfort, joy and safety Are among the things they lack ♪"
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"[typewriter dings]"
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"then you know that nobody should be here."
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"[Mr. Poe coughing]"
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"- [both scream] - [laughs hysterically]"
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"It means you're stupid cake-sniffers,"
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"Brand new season to explore the mysteries around you."
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"the lives of the Baudelaire orphans may appear to be more or less harmless."
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"This is the athletic field. Our gym teacher's coaching an away game,"
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""Memento mori.""
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"the way no story has a happy ending."
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"That's a handsome wet suit."
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"- Oh. - You've heard of Prufrock Preparatory?"
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"or the way the land looks when sun sets behind the mountains."
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"It certainly is."
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"This trip is more than just a chance to seize three children"
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"The Baudelaires, right? [Panting]"
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"Carmelita, always a pleasure."
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"It's the Baudelaires. They're late for their appointment."
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"I know all about you."
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"You've been to guardian after guardian, and adversity has always followed."
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"[automated voice] This is not Count Olaf."
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"Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that, although you won't get to see it much."
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"He is neither your parent nor your guardian. He works at a bank."
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"You'll stay there until we get a new set of orphans."
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"I told Mr. Poe that we would have room for a baby here,"
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"[Olaf clears throat]"
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"That..."
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"to these!"
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"we mean that it is a large amount of trouble."
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"Even for a shack."
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"[owl hoots]"
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"I will continue telling anecdotes from my own life that I find amusing."
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"by measuring various objects."
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"[Carmelita] Call those jumping jacks?"
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"We need someone on the inside,"
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"[Carmelita] Hey, cake-sniffer!"
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"- Make me an offer. - I like you."
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"I spent the morning writing meaningless measurements."
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"I don't have to. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do."
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"[stuttering] This is my lunch that I brought from home."
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"I can invent something less exhausting than tap shoes."
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"Maybe they were gonna tell us, but never got the chance."
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"Maybe. You're sure you've never heard of Count Olaf?"
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"It's scaring the crabs and it gives the place a little style."
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"- [chuckles] - [sighs]"
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"Are you still open?"
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"- He wouldn't. - He would."
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"We don't even know who wrote it."
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"That's okay. That's what I'm here for."
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"Well, a friend of mine is sending me some new titles"
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"[imitating Olivia] "Vice Principal Nero will be here.""
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"Vice Principal Nero is already here, and this library is supposed to be closed!"
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"- [Klaus and Violet] He wouldn't. - [Duncan and Isadora] He would."
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"Welcome to Prufrock Prep, Baudelaires."
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"I'm sure you already know."
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"And there's nobody who can stop me."
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"- One eyebrow. - I bet he has a tattoo on his ankle."
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"[violin playing]"
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"- Why won't you leave me alone? - I'm still hungry."
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"- What? - You made me suffer long enough."
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"I learned what that word means, but then I forgot."
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"- En garde! - That's French for "We gotcha!""
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"You may have the wisdom and integrity and various poems committed to memory."
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"with an advance copy of today's Daily Punctilio,"
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"and wait till you see the headlines."
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"- Hello? - [Larry] This is Larry, your waiter."
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"Yes."
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"You know how it is with assistants."
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"- Again. - Snicket? Someone needs a ride, and quick."
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"or something your brother might say when he arrives in his taxi"
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"to smuggle you across the border, high up into the mountains."
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"[students cheering]"
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"- We think Count Olaf is here! - What?"
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"Thank you. Thank you. Welcome to the mandatory pep rally."
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"[all cheering]"
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"A dead horse. But that's not important."
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