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Clips from Seinfeld - The Library (S03E03)

"Dummy feet never look really right, do they?"
Seinfeld
"An overdue book from 1971?"
Seinfeld
"Bye."
Seinfeld
"- What's the problem? - This, you're not gonna believe."
Seinfeld
"...says that I took out Tropic of Cancer in 1971..."
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"It's George. Wait till he finds out we're going to the library. He'll be thrilled."
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"...attached to those huge wooden sticks..."
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"...trying to save a quarter."
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"Look, I gotta go to the library. You wanna go?"
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"Yeah, yeah. Let's go."
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"This woman's completely ignoring me."
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"...there was a boy. It didn't work out."
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"So now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding."
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"Needs a little Kramer, huh?"
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"- Yes? - Yeah, I called before."
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"I got this notice in the mail."
Seinfeld
"Tropic of Cancer. Henry Miller."
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"That's amazing."
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"Jerry."
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"...screaming obscenities and doing callisthenics?"
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"- Heyman? Are you sure? - He's older..."
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"George got him fired. He squealed on him."
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"- Oh, tattletale. - I didn't tattle."
Seinfeld
"Well, what did this guy do? What happened?"
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"He's out on a case? He actually goes out on cases?"
Seinfeld
"All right. Thanks."
Seinfeld
"You don't know. You see, I don't know anything..."
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"Hurts your teeth."
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"He never likes anything I recommend, and then that lunch thing."
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"I remember he made you wear a jock on your head for a whole class."
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"As I said, the guy had it in for me."
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"Why do they call it a wedgie?"
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"...wedges in."
Seinfeld
"- Boys are sick. - Well, what do girls do?"
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"I gotta find out if I'm the guy that ruined his life."
Seinfeld
"Hey, babaloo, you better get home."
Seinfeld
"This guy Bookman from the library, he's waiting for you."
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"...that would let you borrow any of his stuff if you would just be his friend."
Seinfeld
"- Cup of tea? - Got any coffee?"
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"- No instant coffee? - Well, I don't-"
Seinfeld
"- Who doesn't have instant coffee? - I don't."
Seinfeld
"Buy a jar of Folgers crystals, put it in the cupboard, you forget about it."
Seinfeld
"Rock was never my bag."
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"But you put on a pair of shoes in the New York Public Library, fella."
Seinfeld
"I looked it up. Sure enough, it checked out."
Seinfeld
"But that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot."
Seinfeld
"Sure, go ahead. Laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before."
Seinfeld
"Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe."
Seinfeld
"...and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees..."
Seinfeld
"...to read a book without getting his mind warped."
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"There's no way I'm paying that! I returned that book in 1971!"
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"Becker, Becker..."
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"I remember it like it was yesterday."
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"I always chewed Dentyne."
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"- Tropic of Cancer. - No."
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"...as I have learned from bitter experience..."
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"Don't let anybody see it. Don't let anything happen to it."
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"Jerry, it's me, George. Don't worry. I'll return it tomorrow."
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"Might be the saviour"
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"Or a garden pest"
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"- Hello! - Hello!"
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"- Hello! - Hello!"
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"- Hello! - Hello."
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"We didn't know anything about her private life."
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"She didn't have a private life."
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"When you think about that, think about this:"
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"Maybe I'm getting a wedgie."
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"Remember that biography I recommended?"
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"- My boss hated it! - I'm right here."
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"Oh, sorry."
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"- Remember that Columbus book? - Columbus. Eurotrash."
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"- Him? Him who? - Him who?"
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"...it's me, George Costanza."
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"Don't you remember? You kept begging me to see it."
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"You were supposed to return it."
Seinfeld
"Your underwear was sticking out of your shorts during gym class."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, I hope there's no hard feelings."
Seinfeld
"- I wonder what happened to him. - I guess we'll never know."
Seinfeld
"Can't stand you. Can't stand you."
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"Any day that you had gym..."
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"...was a weird school day."
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"You know what I mean? It started off kind of normal."
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"Teachers are yelling at you, Where's your jockstrap? You know."
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"Does it seem to you that the ventriloquist dummy..."
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"...has a very active sexual, social life?"
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"He's always talking about dates and women that he knows..."
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"There's always a sawdust joke in there somewhere, you know."
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"He says kinky things, because he's made out of wood..."
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"We're somehow expected to believe..."
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"...because the face is so animated..."
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"...they think we're not noticing the feet are just swinging there."
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"Let me speak with the head librarian. It's absurd."
Seinfeld
"This is a joke, right? What are you, from a radio station?"
Seinfeld
"Okay, you got me. I fell for it."
Seinfeld
"All right. Okay."
Seinfeld
"The New York Public Library..."
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"...and never returned it."
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"If it's a dime a day, it could be 100,000."
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"It's not gonna be anything."
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"She wore this orange dress. It's the first time I saw her in a dress like that."
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"I'd known her since ninth grade. She was developing this body in secret..."
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"And then one day..."
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"- It's burned in my memory. - Oh, memory burn, huh?"
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"- I wonder whatever happened to her. - How did they find you?"
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"The whole thing's completely ridiculous."
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"- You know, I never got a library card. - I'm coming down."
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"It's all a bunch of cheapskates in there anyway."
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"The Dewey Decimal System. What a scam that was."
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"Boy, this Dewey guy really cleaned up on that deal."
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"Where's George?"
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"Look. Trying to save a quarter."
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"I kind of like those sticks. I'd like to get them in my house."
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"Look at her."
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"This is a lonely woman looking for companionship."
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"A spinster."
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"Maybe a virgin."
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"Then she'll need a little shot of penicillin."
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"Bookman?"
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"The library investigator's name is actually Bookman?"
Seinfeld
"- Come on. - It's true."
Seinfeld
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