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Clips from Malcolm in the Middle - Stock Car Races (S01E01)

"Oh, ho."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Yeah, I'm cleaning house, all right."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I'm sorry to bother you at home..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"but when Malcolm didn't show up for school today..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Yeah. Actually, not just today."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Now, your first reaction is probably going to be one of understandable..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Wait!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"We have a winner!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Scraping Sound)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"we've been doing a lot of work on folk movement..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I think he may have body issues."
Malcolm in the Middle
"but you've got a lot to learn about boys."
Malcolm in the Middle
"First off, they're able to think maybe three minutes into the future..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Help lift."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Eew! What is that?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Don't be such a baby."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I'll get the tongs."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You be Clyde."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Think you can cry?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Ooh, I got an idea."
Malcolm in the Middle
"No!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"No, Reese. Whatever it is, no!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Look, I, uh, used to be your age..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"and I understand how tempting a place like that can be."
Malcolm in the Middle
"so I've decided to let you off..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Announcer: ...And Rusty Malcolm..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hey, how about that, boys?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Sighs)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Stanley, I'm sorry, I..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Wait."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I'm trying to see if I'm inspired by its symbolic bid for freedom."
Malcolm in the Middle
"So, it's got to be around here somewhere."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hi, Mom. Uh, I was just thinking about how much I missed you guys..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"and... I was thinking I should come for a visit, you know, like today."
Malcolm in the Middle
"There's a flight leaving in half an hour and I already booked it..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Right now you are actually better off being as far away from me as possible."
Malcolm in the Middle
"But..."
Malcolm in the Middle
""Olaf Mortenson" of Wheatville, Montana?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Dial Tone)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"than I have in six years of teaching."
Malcolm in the Middle
"turn out anything at all like you planned?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Oh, God, no."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I had all these crazy, romantic dreams."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I wanted to be a blackjack dealer in an Indian reservation."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Stubby thumbs."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Well, at least you have your home and your family."
Malcolm in the Middle
"...and it looks like Rusty Malcolm will win his final race!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Rusty Malcolm maintains the lead high off the third turn..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"What...?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Oh, for the love of God!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"What happened? What happened?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"our beloved Patton was set upon by a serpent and devoured."
Malcolm in the Middle
"my efforts were useless."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Leaving aside for the moment..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Can you explain that, Francis?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"They are snake droppings, found in your footlocker."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Now, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Sir, I'm obviously the victim of an elaborate conspiracy to frame me."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Two months!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"and an 8:00 p.m. Curfew for the entire academy!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Send a picture to my mom with "I told you so" written across it."
Malcolm in the Middle
"What?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"This is an improvement, right?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Reese!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hi, Dad."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Uh... what seems to be the trouble here, Officer, uh... Karl?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"These your boys?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"These are two of the worst kids I have ever encountered in my life."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Really? See, that must be fascinating..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Seeing people from all over, the different cultures..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Plus, they completely destroyed a $300 pneumatic drill..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"But don't you worry, Officer Karl."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I'm just sorry that they had to put you through all of this. That's not fair."
Malcolm in the Middle
"And I, uh, see, I fully intend to pay for..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Groans)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I always wondered where we got it from."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Program... tickets..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Huh."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Your mother's paycheck."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Now, boys, remember, as far as your mom knows..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"It hurts! Ow!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"apple or grape?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"to be as involved as possible with the children."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Square dancing."
Malcolm in the Middle
"That's right, square dancing."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Swish."
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Chuckling)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Where are we going?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Cackling)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Gasping)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"That's not even half the size of the one I gave you..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Did you listen to anything Spangler said?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Touching."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Stock car races!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"You see that blue car down in front?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"- Number 16? - Yeah."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Inventor of the in-car urination system."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Took me two kids to win that argument."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Rusty Malcolm won!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Reese, it's not about that."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Guess it can't be a special day without sodas, huh?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Vacuum Cleaner Running)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Wow. I can't find a flaw in his logic."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I need insulin."
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Doorbell Rings)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I need to talk to you."
Malcolm in the Middle
""Ditching.""
Malcolm in the Middle
"and l-I think that Malcolm may be ditching because he's afraid that..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"(Chuckling)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Look, honey, you're probably very bright..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Yes, sir."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You idiot!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"No. I'm just really pissed."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Oh, when I was a girl..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"All I come home to every night are three howling cats and... Bob."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I, myself, fired a few rounds as it slithered away..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Yes, sir. I believe you lost that finger trying to start the school lawn mower."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Let's hear it for Francis, you guys!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Oh, geez."
Malcolm in the Middle
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