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Clips from The Simpsons - Tales from the Public Domain (S13E13)

"I'm still hungry."
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"Didn't you eat enough of your friends?"
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"Those were my friends?"
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"That's it! I'm going home! Which way to Ithaca?"
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"You must go through Hades, crossing the River Styx."
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"Of the morning"
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"Oh, this truly is hell!"
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"We've been beyond patient!"
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"When we came here, Helen of Troy was hot!"
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"Now look at her!"
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"This is the face that launched a thousand ships,"
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"the other way."
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"Honey, I'm home."
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"Oh, I'm sorry I was gone so long,"
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"but I'm gonna do something I haven't done for 20 years."
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"Take out the trash!"
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"Sweet Penelope, you're just as beautiful as you were when I left."
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"Aw."
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"Regale me with tales of your adventures."
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"Quit suffocating me. I'm going to Moe's."
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"Oh, here's the story of Joan of Arc."
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"Ooh! Did you say Joan Van Ark?"
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"No, Mom. Joan of Arc."
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"This one takes place in a make-believe kingdom called France."
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""The French were fighting the English in the Hundred Years' War,"
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""which was then called Operation Speedy Resolution. ""
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"Son, how's it going with the breakfast pâté?"
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"I'm on it."
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"Bartrand, where is your sister Joan?"
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"She's talking to her invisible friend. God."
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"Joan of Arc, I am your God."
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"I have chosen you to lead the French army to victory"
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"over the English invaders."
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"I know. I have three eyes. Now get cracking."
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"Victory."
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"Victory?"
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"We're French! We don't even have a word for it!"
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"God spoke to me. I must obey."
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"Joan, give me your dessert."
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"That's just you, Bart."
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"Joan, give me your dessert!"
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"Yes, sir."
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"That's going straight to my five thighs."
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"All right, garçons."
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"Huh?"
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"Well, you keep switching back between French and English."
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"Just fire the damn thing."
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"My fault this time. I didn't tuck in my legs."
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"Wait! I have been sent to lead the French army to victory!"
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"Yeah, really? And how are you gonna do that?"
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"With modern ideas,"
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"like putting bigger, harder people in the catapult."
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"Or, how about rocks?"
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"Rock."
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"I don't know how to feel just now."
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"And now, attack!"
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"Shouldn't we help her?"
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"Yeah, right behind you, Lou."
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"Uh-oh. There's my supervisor."
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"Hello, hello, hello."
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"Blimey!"
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"It is customary to kneel before the king."
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"I would gladly kneel, were you the real king."
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"You are the true dauphin."
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"You had this impostor try to fool me"
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"to see if I was truly sent by God."
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"Bravo, Joan of Arc. You are as brainsome as you are toothsome."
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"Quimbe, you may resume your regular duties now."
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"It would be my pleasure."
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"Vibrate for me, footstool."
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"Loyal subjects, let us drink to Joan of Arc,"
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"who will conquer the English, and has already conquered my heart."
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"Uh, God says we should just be friends."
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"I wouldn't say King Milhouse is a loser,"
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"but that's the 12th girl he's struck out with this week!"
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"Boil him in oil!"
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"So no 10:30 show?"
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"Let us kill the English!"
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"Their concept of individual rights could undermine the power"
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"of our beloved tyrants!"
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"They're attacking again."
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"I thought we had a truce."
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"Oh, my word!"
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"I want my mommy!"
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"I captured a wee girl!"
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"I'm the greatest hero in English history!"
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"Joan of Arc, you are accused of heresy, witchcraft,"
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"and that man told me you pushed him."
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"I would like to call my only witness. Almighty God."
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"I told this maiden to lead the French to victory."
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"Wait a minute, you two-timing spot of light."
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"You told me to lead the English to victory!"
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"Is that true, Lord?"
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"would be in the same room, actually."
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"This is a little embarrassing. Goodbye now."
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"Let's burn her!"
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"Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!"
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"Burn this guy! He lost a good bucket!"
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"Joan, renounce your faith. Save yourself."
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"Huh. Getting kind of hot around here."
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"Wow."
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"What happened, Dad? They didn't really burn her, did they?"
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""Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up"
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""on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc."
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""They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end. ""
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"Our next story is Hamlet, by William Shakespeare."
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"Dad, these old stories can't compare"
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"with our modern super writers."
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"Steven Bochco could kick Shakespeare's ass!"
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"Look, this story's more interesting than you think."
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"It starts with Hamlet's father getting murdered."
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"Cool. Does he get to marry his mom?"
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"I don't know, but that would be hot."
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""Once upon a time, there was a young Prince of Denmark. ""
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"Hamlet! Avenge me!"
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"Dad?"
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"Yes. I have returned from the dead."
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"Looks like you've returned from the buffet."
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"Why, you little... D'oh!"
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"My son, I have some shocking news. I was murdered."
The Simpsons
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