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Clips from Blackadder (1982) - The Queen of Spain's Beard (S01E01)

Tell him to bring a bear this time.

"Tell him to bring a bear this time."

Blackadder (1982)

The improvising last year was pathetic.

"The improvising last year was pathetic."

Blackadder (1982)

Now, then, Mother. A toast to Father's return.

"Now, then, Mother. A toast to Father's return."

Blackadder (1982)

(Fanfare) What the devil...?

"(Fanfare) What the devil...?"

Blackadder (1982)

Noble Prince of Wales,

"Noble Prince of Wales,"

Blackadder (1982)

What news of my father, the King?

"What news of my father, the King?"

Blackadder (1982)

He swore he'd be back for St Leonard's — or die!

"He swore he'd be back for St Leonard's — or die!"

Blackadder (1982)

God forfend! We will pray for his safe passage.

"God forfend! We will pray for his safe passage."

Blackadder (1982)

— I am the Queen. — I've got a message for ye.

"— I am the Queen. — I've got a message for ye."

Blackadder (1982)

Oh!

"Oh!"

Blackadder (1982)

(Fanfare) Ah, Edmund!

"(Fanfare) Ah, Edmund!"

Blackadder (1982)

Edmund is providing the entertainments.

"Edmund is providing the entertainments."

Blackadder (1982)

There's a groat for you.

"There's a groat for you."

Blackadder (1982)

(High—pitched voice) I am not a eunuch.

"(High—pitched voice) I am not a eunuch."

Blackadder (1982)

I am the Duke of Edinburgh.

"I am the Duke of Edinburgh."

Blackadder (1982)

— Oh, you are? — Yes!

"— Oh, you are? — Yes!"

Blackadder (1982)

Duke of Edinburgh, and as Scottish as the Queen of England's tits!

"Duke of Edinburgh, and as Scottish as the Queen of England's tits!"

Blackadder (1982)

No offence.

"No offence."

Blackadder (1982)

Don't apologise.

"Don't apologise."

Blackadder (1982)

Now we know each other, I have an announcement.

"Now we know each other, I have an announcement."

Blackadder (1982)

You're a eunuch as well?

"You're a eunuch as well?"

Blackadder (1982)

McAngus, as reward for your deeds in battle,

"McAngus, as reward for your deeds in battle,"

Blackadder (1982)

my father here empowers me to grant you anything you may desire of me.

"my father here empowers me to grant you anything you may desire of me."

Blackadder (1982)

If he's got sense, he'll ask for a haircut.

"If he's got sense, he'll ask for a haircut."

Blackadder (1982)

Brother, I'm honoured. All I ask is a scrap of land.

"Brother, I'm honoured. All I ask is a scrap of land."

Blackadder (1982)

— What? — By the power vested in me...

"— What? — By the power vested in me..."

Blackadder (1982)

Excuse me, I'm sorry to dip my little fly in your ointment,

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to dip my little fly in your ointment,"

Blackadder (1982)

Well...so...perhaps he'd like to choose somewhere else.

"Well...so...perhaps he'd like to choose somewhere else."

Blackadder (1982)

McAngus?

"McAngus?"

Blackadder (1982)

No. I'll have Roxburgh and Selkirk.

"No. I'll have Roxburgh and Selkirk."

Blackadder (1982)

That leaves Peebles!

"That leaves Peebles!"

Blackadder (1982)

— Oh, aye! And Peebles. — But, but...

"— Oh, aye! And Peebles. — But, but..."

Blackadder (1982)

Trying to say something?

"Trying to say something?"

Blackadder (1982)

Well, I don't know. Some people might say,

"Well, I don't know. Some people might say,"

Blackadder (1982)

"giving away half of Scotland to a kilted maniac,

""giving away half of Scotland to a kilted maniac,"

Blackadder (1982)

Au contraire, I say,

"Au contraire, I say,"

Blackadder (1982)

"Let's reward him."

""Let's reward him.""

Blackadder (1982)

Hurray!

"Hurray!"

Blackadder (1982)

— Who, My Lord? — That Scottish weasel.

"— Who, My Lord? — That Scottish weasel."

Blackadder (1982)

Why, My Lord?

"Why, My Lord?"

Blackadder (1982)

Because he's a thieving Scottish weasel.

"Because he's a thieving Scottish weasel."

Blackadder (1982)

— How? — I'll stab him.

"— How? — I'll stab him."

Blackadder (1982)

won't they suspect something?

"won't they suspect something?"

Blackadder (1982)

a little more cunning...

"a little more cunning..."

Blackadder (1982)

Mine's quite cunning.

"Mine's quite cunning."

Blackadder (1982)

Oh, all right, let's hear what's so damn cunning!

"Oh, all right, let's hear what's so damn cunning!"

Blackadder (1982)

You get him to come with you.

"You get him to come with you."

Blackadder (1982)

Oh, brilliantly cunning. I ask him to come, then stab him, perhaps?

"Oh, brilliantly cunning. I ask him to come, then stab him, perhaps?"

Blackadder (1982)

— How cunning! — No, you get a cannon...

"— How cunning! — No, you get a cannon..."

Blackadder (1982)

I see, and then get him to stick his head in it and blow it off.

"I see, and then get him to stick his head in it and blow it off."

Blackadder (1982)

entertainment.

"entertainment."

Blackadder (1982)

(He laughs fiendishly)

"(He laughs fiendishly)"

Blackadder (1982)

Aaargh!

"Aaargh!"

Blackadder (1982)

(Animal yelps)

"(Animal yelps)"

Blackadder (1982)

(Soft footsteps)

"(Soft footsteps)"

Blackadder (1982)

Um, no. No, I'm fine, thank you.

"Um, no. No, I'm fine, thank you."

Blackadder (1982)

Good.

"Good."

Blackadder (1982)

I'm not in your way over here, am 17

"I'm not in your way over here, am 17"

Blackadder (1982)

Oh, there is just one thing.

"Oh, there is just one thing."

Blackadder (1982)

Uh-huh?

"Uh-huh?"

Blackadder (1982)

I wondered if you would help with the celebrations tonight.

"I wondered if you would help with the celebrations tonight."

Blackadder (1982)

How? By staying away?

"How? By staying away?"

Blackadder (1982)

and I thought you'd be the perfect person to take his place.

"and I thought you'd be the perfect person to take his place."

Blackadder (1982)

..I'm no actor.

"..I'm no actor."

Blackadder (1982)

It's an ancient Egyptian piece

"It's an ancient Egyptian piece"

Blackadder (1982)

called "The Death Of The Scotsman".

"called "The Death Of The Scotsman"."

Blackadder (1982)

You could play the Scotsman,

"You could play the Scotsman,"

Blackadder (1982)

if you like, who dies at the end of the play.

"if you like, who dies at the end of the play."

Blackadder (1982)

Acting dead? That I can do.

"Acting dead? That I can do."

Blackadder (1982)

there may not be much acting required.

"there may not be much acting required."

Blackadder (1982)

(McAngus) Mind the pit.

"(McAngus) Mind the pit."

Blackadder (1982)

Now smaller! Small, small...

"Now smaller! Small, small..."

Blackadder (1982)

Have you made the necessary changes?

"Have you made the necessary changes?"

Blackadder (1982)

Yes, My Lord.

"Yes, My Lord."

Blackadder (1982)

— McAngus... — Woooooh!

"— McAngus... — Woooooh!"

Blackadder (1982)

but I don't really think they understood it.

"but I don't really think they understood it."

Blackadder (1982)

We three are gathered with most bold intent...

"We three are gathered with most bold intent..."

Blackadder (1982)

Here, by the banks of the graceful Nile

"Here, by the banks of the graceful Nile"

Blackadder (1982)

where camels ride and deserts blow...

"where camels ride and deserts blow..."

Blackadder (1982)

What's a Scotsman doing in Egypt?

"What's a Scotsman doing in Egypt?"

Blackadder (1982)

I'm not sure, but they've had good reviews.

"I'm not sure, but they've had good reviews."

Blackadder (1982)

See your mother there?

"See your mother there?"

Blackadder (1982)

Apparently, my father and your mother used to...

"Apparently, my father and your mother used to..."

Blackadder (1982)

My father had to tell her it was a cure for diarrhoea.

"My father had to tell her it was a cure for diarrhoea."

Blackadder (1982)

I tell you, they cast a wee doubt over the parenthood of young Harry!

"I tell you, they cast a wee doubt over the parenthood of young Harry!"

Blackadder (1982)

The bagpipe strums. Behold!

"The bagpipe strums. Behold!"

Blackadder (1982)

This way our victim comes. For never...

"This way our victim comes. For never..."

Blackadder (1982)

- I'm on! — Where are these letters?

"- I'm on! — Where are these letters?"

Blackadder (1982)

Hidden away — I'll show you later!

"Hidden away — I'll show you later!"

Blackadder (1982)

Oh, all right.

"Oh, all right."

Blackadder (1982)

Tutankhamen McPherson, you come not a whit too soon,

"Tutankhamen McPherson, you come not a whit too soon,"

Blackadder (1982)

for is this not the weather fair, or this the Ides of June?

"for is this not the weather fair, or this the Ides of June?"

Blackadder (1982)

What business do you mean?

"What business do you mean?"

Blackadder (1982)

— Thieving Scots weasel! — (Both) Death!

"— Thieving Scots weasel! — (Both) Death!"

Blackadder (1982)

That is why he must die!

"That is why he must die!"

Blackadder (1982)

I've changed my mind. What am I going to do?

"I've changed my mind. What am I going to do?"

Blackadder (1982)

— Stop the show! — How? How?

"— Stop the show! — How? How?"

Blackadder (1982)

What's our reason for stopping it?

"What's our reason for stopping it?"

Blackadder (1982)

No, you bastard!

"No, you bastard!"

Blackadder (1982)

Stop!

"Stop!"

Blackadder (1982)

Sorry I'm late.

"Sorry I'm late."

Blackadder (1982)

Aaargh!

"Aaargh!"

Blackadder (1982)

Excellent. It's certainly my mother's handwriting.

"Excellent. It's certainly my mother's handwriting."

Blackadder (1982)

The year my brother was born.

"The year my brother was born."

Blackadder (1982)

Tell everyone that the entertainments have been cancelled.

"Tell everyone that the entertainments have been cancelled."

Blackadder (1982)

— Why? — Because I told you to, rat!

"— Why? — Because I told you to, rat!"

Blackadder (1982)

— Why have they been cancelled? — I see.

"— Why have they been cancelled? — I see."

Blackadder (1982)

Yes, one day.

"Yes, one day."

Blackadder (1982)

Sooner, maybe. Your father just charged into Constantinople

"Sooner, maybe. Your father just charged into Constantinople"

Blackadder (1982)

and they shut the gates on him.

"and they shut the gates on him."

Blackadder (1982)

— No? — Yes!

"— No? — Yes!"

Blackadder (1982)

10,000 Turks armed with scimitars,

"10,000 Turks armed with scimitars,"

Blackadder (1982)

and your father with a fruit knife.

"and your father with a fruit knife."

Blackadder (1982)

Jerry Merryweather.

"Jerry Merryweather."

Blackadder (1982)

I liked Bernard the rabbit—baiter.

"I liked Bernard the rabbit—baiter."

Blackadder (1982)

Thank you.

"Thank you."

Blackadder (1982)

I haven't seen a eunuch yet.

"I haven't seen a eunuch yet."

Blackadder (1982)

Don't worry, Harry. It will soon all be over.

"Don't worry, Harry. It will soon all be over."

Blackadder (1982)

My dear mother, my dear brother, lords and ladies of the Court.

"My dear mother, my dear brother, lords and ladies of the Court."

Blackadder (1982)

Today there came into my possession from the hands, My Lord,

"Today there came into my possession from the hands, My Lord,"

Blackadder (1982)

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