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Clips from All in the Family - Writing the President (S01E01)

Forty years I been eatin' it, and I'm as good shape today as the day I was born.

"Forty years I been eatin' it, and I'm as good shape today as the day I was born."

All in the Family

- My bowels are regular-- - oh, Archie !

"- My bowels are regular-- - oh, Archie !"

All in the Family

[ Tv announcer: Indistinct ]

"[ Tv announcer: Indistinct ]"

All in the Family

I missed it. The play of the week.

"I missed it. The play of the week."

All in the Family

Alvin haymond's 88-yard run-back, and I missed it. It's your fault !

"Alvin haymond's 88-yard run-back, and I missed it. It's your fault !"

All in the Family

Why are you watching that anyway ?

"Why are you watching that anyway ?"

All in the Family

Michael, didn't you tell him about Jack lemmon ? Get away from that dial.

"Michael, didn't you tell him about Jack lemmon ? Get away from that dial."

All in the Family

All right. For now we'll just turn down the sound. Why ?

"All right. For now we'll just turn down the sound. Why ?"

All in the Family

Because I wanna say something.

"Because I wanna say something."

All in the Family

Oh, another meetin'. Gee.

"Oh, another meetin'. Gee."

All in the Family

Now, daddy, this set is always tuned to what you want to watch.

"Now, daddy, this set is always tuned to what you want to watch."

All in the Family

Just this once, can't you share a little ? Huh ?

"Just this once, can't you share a little ? Huh ?"

All in the Family

This special, it's important to Michael and me.

"This special, it's important to Michael and me."

All in the Family

Yeah, because it's tearin' the country down.

"Yeah, because it's tearin' the country down."

All in the Family

That's what you like-- to watch a bunch of jerks tearin' the country down.

"That's what you like-- to watch a bunch of jerks tearin' the country down."

All in the Family

Pollution is a fact of life, and it's not just America. It's worldwide.

"Pollution is a fact of life, and it's not just America. It's worldwide."

All in the Family

This special with Jack lemmon-- leave me alone about that.

"This special with Jack lemmon-- leave me alone about that."

All in the Family

And you know what you can do with your Jack lemmon.

"And you know what you can do with your Jack lemmon."

All in the Family

Before you say anything, let me warn you.

"Before you say anything, let me warn you."

All in the Family

When you're talkin' about the Duke,

"When you're talkin' about the Duke,"

All in the Family

you ain't just talkin' about an actor.

"you ain't just talkin' about an actor."

All in the Family

You're talkin' about the spirit that made America great.

"You're talkin' about the spirit that made America great."

All in the Family

Are you kiddin' ?

"Are you kiddin' ?"

All in the Family

Is he-- is he-- ma.

"Is he-- is he-- ma."

All in the Family

Is he kidding ?

"Is he kidding ?"

All in the Family

He'd lay down his life for the Duke.

"He'd lay down his life for the Duke."

All in the Family

For me, no. The Duke, yeah.

"For me, no. The Duke, yeah."

All in the Family

Anyway, daddy, why can't you watch Jack lemmon with us ?

"Anyway, daddy, why can't you watch Jack lemmon with us ?"

All in the Family

We watched John Wayne's tv special with you. That was different.

"We watched John Wayne's tv special with you. That was different."

All in the Family

The Duke's special was all about America, and I mean the real America.

"The Duke's special was all about America, and I mean the real America."

All in the Family

Oh. Oh.

"Oh. Oh."

All in the Family

Then it must have been all about our racial problems.

"Then it must have been all about our racial problems."

All in the Family

The crisis in the cities. He must've had a hundred stars with him.

"The crisis in the cities. He must've had a hundred stars with him."

All in the Family

It was all about what's good with America. It was all about John Wayne.

"It was all about what's good with America. It was all about John Wayne."

All in the Family

Well, John Wayne is what's good with America. Is what's good with America.

"Well, John Wayne is what's good with America. Is what's good with America."

All in the Family

I'll tell you something else, wise guy.

"I'll tell you something else, wise guy."

All in the Family

You can take your Jack lemmons, your Paul newmans and your marlo brandons,

"You can take your Jack lemmons, your Paul newmans and your marlo brandons,"

All in the Family

you put 'em all together, they ain't fit to hold the Duke's coat.

"you put 'em all together, they ain't fit to hold the Duke's coat."

All in the Family

Any one of those guys has got more brains in his little finger...

"Any one of those guys has got more brains in his little finger..."

All in the Family

Than John Wayne's got in his whole body.

"Than John Wayne's got in his whole body."

All in the Family

Nuts to you. You don't believe me ?

"Nuts to you. You don't believe me ?"

All in the Family

Maybe you'll believe the Duke himself. What ?

"Maybe you'll believe the Duke himself. What ?"

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Excuse me, young lady. You just happen to be sitting here.

"Excuse me, young lady. You just happen to be sitting here."

All in the Family

Would you be kind enough to ask Mr. John Wayne the question ?

"Would you be kind enough to ask Mr. John Wayne the question ?"

All in the Family

Mr. Wayne, is it true that any one of those guys...

"Mr. Wayne, is it true that any one of those guys..."

All in the Family

Got more brains in his little finger...

"Got more brains in his little finger..."

All in the Family

Than you've got in your whole body ?

"Than you've got in your whole body ?"

All in the Family

[ Imitating John Wayne ] I'm afraid so, ma'am.

"[ Imitating John Wayne ] I'm afraid so, ma'am."

All in the Family

Very, very funny.

"Very, very funny."

All in the Family

Here. I found an old box of crunchies.

"Here. I found an old box of crunchies."

All in the Family

Well, have some.

"Well, have some."

All in the Family

Show the kids how it pulls you out of a slump.

"Show the kids how it pulls you out of a slump."

All in the Family

Gloria, I found these with the groceries.

"Gloria, I found these with the groceries."

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Oh, the air mail stamps. They're for Michael. Oh, good.

"Oh, the air mail stamps. They're for Michael. Oh, good."

All in the Family

I can mail my letter today, it'll get to Washington by Monday.

"I can mail my letter today, it'll get to Washington by Monday."

All in the Family

Washington ? Are you writing to Washington ?

"Washington ? Are you writing to Washington ?"

All in the Family

That's right. Michael wrote the president.

"That's right. Michael wrote the president."

All in the Family

Writin' to the president ? About what ?

"Writin' to the president ? About what ?"

All in the Family

All the things we've been talking about--

"All the things we've been talking about--"

All in the Family

the pollution of our air, the pollution of our water,

"the pollution of our air, the pollution of our water,"

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the way us housewives have no protection from foods without nutrition,

"the way us housewives have no protection from foods without nutrition,"

All in the Family

how they make products with harmful things in 'em.

"how they make products with harmful things in 'em."

All in the Family

Wait a minute. You're writin' to the president about that ?

"Wait a minute. You're writin' to the president about that ?"

All in the Family

You, Michael stivic, meathead, you have the nerve...

"You, Michael stivic, meathead, you have the nerve..."

All in the Family

To write to the president of the United States about your rash ?

"To write to the president of the United States about your rash ?"

All in the Family

[ Sighs ] Maybe he knows a good skin man.

"[ Sighs ] Maybe he knows a good skin man."

All in the Family

I didn't write about a rash.

"I didn't write about a rash."

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It's like Gloria said. I wrote about a lot of things--

"It's like Gloria said. I wrote about a lot of things--"

All in the Family

The war in Vietnam ? You'd better let me see that letter. No, no.

"The war in Vietnam ? You'd better let me see that letter. No, no."

All in the Family

This is sealed. It's private and personal between the president and me.

"This is sealed. It's private and personal between the president and me."

All in the Family

I demand to know the contents of that letter. It's between Nixon and me.

"I demand to know the contents of that letter. It's between Nixon and me."

All in the Family

President Nixon. What's wrong with plain "Nixon" ?

"President Nixon. What's wrong with plain "Nixon" ?"

All in the Family

Look in the paper. They do it all the time-- Nixon this, Nixon that.

"Look in the paper. They do it all the time-- Nixon this, Nixon that."

All in the Family

That's their business, but in this house we show the proper respect.

"That's their business, but in this house we show the proper respect."

All in the Family

You don't like "president Nixon," call him "Mr. Nixon."

"You don't like "president Nixon," call him "Mr. Nixon.""

All in the Family

Or tricky dicky.

"Or tricky dicky."

All in the Family

What ?

"What ?"

All in the Family

You was callin' him that eight years ago.

"You was callin' him that eight years ago."

All in the Family

Eight years ago he was a civilian,

"Eight years ago he was a civilian,"

All in the Family

who now happens to be commander-in-chief of the United States.

"who now happens to be commander-in-chief of the United States."

All in the Family

And he's doin' a good job of it too.

"And he's doin' a good job of it too."

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Mr. Nixon didn't get us into Vietnam, he inherited it,

"Mr. Nixon didn't get us into Vietnam, he inherited it,"

All in the Family

just like he inherited inflation and integration and pollution.

"just like he inherited inflation and integration and pollution."

All in the Family

Or are you gonna tell me that Mr. Nixon invented pollution ?

"Or are you gonna tell me that Mr. Nixon invented pollution ?"

All in the Family

No. But what's he doing about it ?

"No. But what's he doing about it ?"

All in the Family

[ Mocking ] "What's he doing about it ?"

"[ Mocking ] "What's he doing about it ?""

All in the Family

Where the drinking water isn't below safe standards.

"Where the drinking water isn't below safe standards."

All in the Family

would you say the drinking water there is becomin' unsafe ? Yeah.

"would you say the drinking water there is becomin' unsafe ? Yeah."

All in the Family

Well, that's where I got both of youse.

"Well, that's where I got both of youse."

All in the Family

Because if the drinking water in Washington, D.C. is becomin' unsafe,

"Because if the drinking water in Washington, D.C. is becomin' unsafe,"

All in the Family

do you think that Mr. Nixon would let tricia drink it ?

"do you think that Mr. Nixon would let tricia drink it ?"

All in the Family

You can't answer that, can you ? [ Chuckles ]

"You can't answer that, can you ? [ Chuckles ]"

All in the Family

I'll tell you somethin', wise guy.

"I'll tell you somethin', wise guy."

All in the Family

You see, you don't understand your basic simplistics.

"You see, you don't understand your basic simplistics."

All in the Family

Your biggest problems always burn themselves down to the human factor.

"Your biggest problems always burn themselves down to the human factor."

All in the Family

I mean to say the president, after all, is only a man.

"I mean to say the president, after all, is only a man."

All in the Family

Right, and he's in the wrong job.

"Right, and he's in the wrong job."

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Is that what you said to him in that letter ? Give me that.

"Is that what you said to him in that letter ? Give me that."

All in the Family

A pipsqueak like you, you have the nerve to insult the commander-in-chief--

"A pipsqueak like you, you have the nerve to insult the commander-in-chief--"

All in the Family

that's my return address on there.

"that's my return address on there."

All in the Family

You're insultin' president Nixon from my return address ?

"You're insultin' president Nixon from my return address ?"

All in the Family

You must have a screw loose.

"You must have a screw loose."

All in the Family

Give me the letter ! You're not gettin' this. No, no !

"Give me the letter ! You're not gettin' this. No, no !"

All in the Family

Come on, daddy ! Oh, no !

"Come on, daddy ! Oh, no !"

All in the Family

Give me that letter ! It's my letter ! Oh, no !

"Give me that letter ! It's my letter ! Oh, no !"

All in the Family

Hold it ! Hold it !

"Hold it ! Hold it !"

All in the Family

All right, Archie, enough's enough. Just give me the letter.

"All right, Archie, enough's enough. Just give me the letter."

All in the Family

You're tampering with the United States mail, daddy. That's a federal offense.

"You're tampering with the United States mail, daddy. That's a federal offense."

All in the Family

So is excitement to riot.

"So is excitement to riot."

All in the Family

The letter--

"The letter--"

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the letter is not gonna incite anyone to riot.

"the letter is not gonna incite anyone to riot."

All in the Family

The letter is between a citizen and his government.

"The letter is between a citizen and his government."

All in the Family

I've heard you say it a hundred times, Archie-- the government works for me.

"I've heard you say it a hundred times, Archie-- the government works for me."

All in the Family

That's right. I said, "the government works for me." Not you, meathead.

"That's right. I said, "the government works for me." Not you, meathead."

All in the Family

The government works for taxpayers and breadwinners...

"The government works for taxpayers and breadwinners..."

All in the Family

And people who contribute to society.

"And people who contribute to society."

All in the Family

You're such a contributor, why don't you write a letter to the president ?

"You're such a contributor, why don't you write a letter to the president ?"

All in the Family

Because I got nothin' to beef about.

"Because I got nothin' to beef about."

All in the Family

I knew you'd cop out, daddy.

"I knew you'd cop out, daddy."

All in the Family

You just talk, that's all. I'll tell you what I'll do--

"You just talk, that's all. I'll tell you what I'll do--"

All in the Family

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