Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from M*A*S*H - The Ringbanger (S01E01)

"I know you like your beauty rest."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, I‘m not going anywhere tonight."
M*A*S*H
"Thought you had a date with Hot Lips—— uh, Major Houlihan."
M*A*S*H
"—I do not. —I saw her getting all spiffed up."
M*A*S*H
"I thought you two were gonna tiptoe through the minefield."
M*A*S*H
"— Spiffed up ? —Yeah,you know, hairdos, nail polish."
M*A*S*H
"Never mind. What the major does is her own business."
M*A*S*H
"After all, her affairs are her own affairs."
M*A*S*H
"/ don’t go sticking my nose in to her hairdos,"
M*A*S*H
"And you would do very well to keep your stories to yourself..."
M*A*S*H
"and mind your own beeswax!"
M*A*S*H
"—Margaret, who are you seeing and where? —Frank, what‘s wrong?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s him, isn‘t it ? Buzz. You got one look at his thigh and went crazy."
M*A*S*H
"Frank! What——"
M*A*S*H
"Just because someone is strong and muscular."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s nothing like that. — Then why the new hairdo and..."
M*A*S*H
"[Sniffing] and—and the perfume?"
M*A*S*H
"Frank, don‘t sniff."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re dripping on my foot."
M*A*S*H
"| wasjust in the shower——"
M*A*S*H
"You can‘tjust come in here dripping and sniffing."
M*A*S*H
"Would you promise me that there‘s nothing between you and the colonel ?"
M*A*S*H
"Nothing, and that‘s an order."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"You remember the chiefnurse, Major Houlihan?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s very important. After we sign your release, she has to sign you out."
M*A*S*H
"— She‘s a good—lookin‘ gal. - Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"You should see her in a sweater."
M*A*S*H
"She‘ll meltyour helmet line. And passionate?"
M*A*S*H
"— Her lips are set at automatic pucker. — That‘s very good."
M*A*S*H
"Listen, this should be very interesting."
M*A*S*H
"— Thanks for clueing me in. — Oh, there‘s only one thing."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, I‘m glad you told me."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, where you goin‘?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m going to my, uh..."
M*A*S*H
"tent."
M*A*S*H
"|tjust seems funny they say do it at night."
M*A*S*H
"Night fighting, sir. There‘s a lot ofit these days."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, but I‘m a doctor. |don‘t go running——"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, for that kind ofmoney,"
M*A*S*H
"I guess I can take a shot in the dark."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Chuckling] — Oh, that‘s probably ajoke."
M*A*S*H
"Isn‘t it, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"— Anybody home? — What‘s up, Pierce?"
M*A*S*H
"Henry, can I keep this bottle in your locker? Nothing‘s safe in the swamp."
M*A*S*H
"You wouldn‘t like a shot, would you? It‘s a little nippy out tonight."
M*A*S*H
"Yes, sir, the temperatures dropped to almost 98."
M*A*S*H
"Well, maybe a wee dram."
M*A*S*H
"Here‘s looking up your old address."
M*A*S*H
"- Oh. — Colonel."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m Margaret Houlihan."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m not here as an officer..."
M*A*S*H
"who sees you not only as a warrior,"
M*A*S*H
"— but as a man. - 0h."
M*A*S*H
"[Grunts] Why, thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"[Clears Throat]"
M*A*S*H
"[Tapping]"
M*A*S*H
"Buzz, I want to helpyou."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, well, the only help I need, Major,"
M*A*S*H
"wouldjust get a release so I can get back to the front."
M*A*S*H
"But we want to send you back confident and strong."
M*A*S*H
"—I know you‘re worried about this thigh. -Oh."
M*A*S*H
"— You want it as strong as this one. - Oh."
M*A*S*H
"— Really, Major—— — Margaret."
M*A*S*H
"Major Margaret."
M*A*S*H
"Now, just, uh—— Nothing to worry about. I‘m not worried."
M*A*S*H
"just gonna sit here. / wanna relax and be quiet"
M*A*S*H
"—I know. —And drink my milk."
M*A*S*H
"Now, this is really the last one, Pierce,"
M*A*S*H
"and I didn‘t even know they were in season."
M*A*S*H
"Easy. Easy. I‘m only human."
M*A*S*H
"Colonel Brighton .7 lt’s Frank Burns."
M*A*S*H
"— Colonel — [Whispering] Don‘t say I‘m here."
M*A*S*H
"[Whispering] Don‘t say I‘m here."
M*A*S*H
"[Frank] C olonel, are you alone .7"
M*A*S*H
"— He can‘t keep his hands offofme. —I know you‘re in there."
M*A*S*H
"He what?"
M*A*S*H
"[Blowing]"
M*A*S*H
"— Time for target practice. — Let‘s go, Henry. Gotta get out there."
M*A*S*H
"Okay. Don‘t move, Korea. This is a stickup."
M*A*S*H
"— See you down the road. — Okay."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re due on the range, sir."
M*A*S*H
"J Where the deer and the antelope play;"
M*A*S*H
"— JWhere seldom is heard J —This way, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— JA discouraging word J; —Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Afteryou, sir. — Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re welcome."
M*A*S*H
"— Margaret! — Oh, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"You ! Ow! Ow."
M*A*S*H
"— What‘s going on here? — Colonel, I‘m sorry."
M*A*S*H
"—I didn‘t know he was your girl. —What?"
M*A*S*H
"I mean, I‘m sorry. |didn‘t know she was your girl."
M*A*S*H
"— We wanted your advice on reenlisting. —You‘re drunk!"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, that‘s a dirty lie,"
M*A*S*H
"and I intend to press charges the minute I‘m sober."
M*A*S*H
"Look, Colonel, don‘t get in a beef just because ofme."
M*A*S*H
"— Get your hands offofme! —Thankyou, sir."
M*A*S*H
"No examination! I know how| am, and I know where| am. I‘m here."
M*A*S*H
"I am here, and this is my tent because that is my milk."
M*A*S*H
"Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Henry. —What?"
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t you thinkyou better get out on the range?"
M*A*S*H
"Me too."
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, Colonel—— — Don‘t shoot!"
M*A*S*H
"— Why don‘t we go outside to an ambulance? — There‘s no more time."
M*A*S*H
"Communication is very important. You men, I‘ll see in the trenches."
M*A*S*H
"— Well, hejust needs a little rest. —Sign this, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— He‘ll need a lot more than that. — Oh, okay."
M*A*S*H
"Now then, what about the old target practice?"
M*A*S*H
"— You got eight out often, sir. -I did?"
M*A*S*H
"Youjust missed out on your $325 pistol allowance."
M*A*S*H
"I would love to, fellas, but I‘m on duty."
M*A*S*H
"Carry on."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re getting better."
M*A*S*H
"Boy, | live for the day when you guys are out of my life."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t let them get to you, Major."
M*A*S*H
"—just trying to brighten things up. — Brighten things up?"
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t know which one ofyou is sicker."
M*A*S*H
"I‘d likejust the tip ofit off and turned up a little at the end."
M*A*S*H
"and come in."
M*A*S*H
Show more clips