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Clips from M*A*S*H - The Ringbanger (S01E01)

"— The swamp .7 — Yeah, our tent."
M*A*S*H
"— Can I getyou a refill? — No, no, I‘ll get it."
M*A*S*H
"I noticed you got more stitches in your butt than a sampler."
M*A*S*H
"[Laughing]"
M*A*S*H
"This war is not gonna wait just because I‘m sidetracked."
M*A*S*H
"Ah, casualties are part ofthe game."
M*A*S*H
"|fit costs you a few good men to take a hill, that‘s the price you gotta pay."
M*A*S*H
"Well, to be honest, we‘re not too hot foryour business."
M*A*S*H
"Now, you got your whole life to perfect your trade."
M*A*S*H
"Well, no war is perfect."
M*A*S*H
"The way| look at it is | only got a certain amount oftime..."
M*A*S*H
"Ohh!"
M*A*S*H
"Well, thanks for the hooch."
M*A*S*H
"I shall go out and get myself a little exercise here."
M*A*S*H
"ifhe weren‘t standing on so many bodies."
M*A*S*H
"Look at this West Point info."
M*A*S*H
"Terrific."
M*A*S*H
"And will you look at this?"
M*A*S*H
"— |s Colonel Blake in? — Uh, no, sir. He‘s in his tent, sir."
M*A*S*H
"A karate chop to his reality."
M*A*S*H
"What are you guys building?"
M*A*S*H
"— For Pete‘s sake, sir. You‘re a doctor. — Listen, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"except that maybe he‘s become a drinking buddy of Pierce and McIntyre."
M*A*S*H
"and were bobbing for olives."
M*A*S*H
"You wanted to see me, Lieutenant ?"
M*A*S*H
"I certainly would."
M*A*S*H
"Not in front of, uh, Eljerkorino."
M*A*S*H
"With an extension ofthe femoral vessels resulting in a pulmonary embolism."
M*A*S*H
"We think we should keep you around for a week for observation."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s a good idea. He‘s terrific... if you catch him early enough in the day."
M*A*S*H
"You don‘t have to whisper. Everybody knows."
M*A*S*H
"but, um, he was swacked when he did an appendectomy on a general‘s wife."
M*A*S*H
"|twas a hell ofa way to take out her adenoids."
M*A*S*H
"— Burns. He‘s a major. — Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"—| get your point. — Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"No."
M*A*S*H
"— I don‘t think we should say. — No, I don‘t——"
M*A*S*H
"And a great nurse."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, yeah."
M*A*S*H
"I wanna give you a checkup, see what we can do about getting you on your way."
M*A*S*H
"Uh-huh."
M*A*S*H
"Just let me get comfy here."
M*A*S*H
"I want to feel your leg."
M*A*S*H
"— What are you trying to do? —Takeyour pulse."
M*A*S*H
"Good afternoon, Colonel. Your laundry, sir."
M*A*S*H
"What you don‘t understand is any time a body has been opened surgically,"
M*A*S*H
"there‘s a shock to the system, kind ofa head lag."
M*A*S*H
"What are you talking about?"
M*A*S*H
"Buzz, uh, where are you going?"
M*A*S*H
"No, this is my tent here. I remember it because that‘s where the RA. speaker——"
M*A*S*H
"[Hawkeye] Take it easy, Buzz, huh .7"
M*A*S*H
"They all break in the end."
M*A*S*H
"You‘ll, uh—— You‘ll have to excuse how the place looks."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, the painters really left a mess."
M*A*S*H
"— Is that what you want? — What are you talking about?"
M*A*S*H
"What am I talking about?"
M*A*S*H
"sometimes a little wound can trigger a bigger problem beneath the surface."
M*A*S*H
"notjust as an officer, as a man."
M*A*S*H
"This morning there were tears on his pillow."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re a pushover for powerfully built guys like us."
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, Margaret. — Frank."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Margaret."
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah, the blonde. — She‘s gonna checkyou out."
M*A*S*H
"And not because she‘s left—handed."
M*A*S*H
"Are you absolutely certain I have to be checked out for small arms proficiency?"
M*A*S*H
"Yes, sir, it‘s something new. Probably on account ofthe war."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s right here in these new orders. — Oh, never mind."
M*A*S*H
"Ol' as a nurse."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m here as a woman..."
M*A*S*H
"because I have got to shoot some targets..."
M*A*S*H
"— You don‘t have to be human with me. — [Knocking]"
M*A*S*H
"[ Both] Why can‘t he leave me alone?"
M*A*S*H
"Why should he be? |don‘t belong to him."
M*A*S*H
"What is the matter with him ?"
M*A*S*H
"—Yes, sir. — Something good?"
M*A*S*H
"You‘re sending Buzz back to the States to cool offfor a couple ofmonths."
M*A*S*H
"You know, the Dick Haynes look."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, you !"
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Major. Let me see that X ray, will you?"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, right. Okay. All right. Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"Thankyou!"
M*A*S*H
"Come on, you little bugger."
M*A*S*H
"Ah ! Got ya."
M*A*S*H
"Thanks to my experience as pickup—sticks champion ofsouthern Maine."
M*A*S*H
"Now you can identify us to your lawyer."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, can I have that bullet, Doc? A souvenir."
M*A*S*H
"I had a buy—back deal with the sniper, but all right."
M*A*S*H
"Well, little thing like this is not gonna kick me offthe line."
M*A*S*H
"Frank, that‘s Colonel Buzz Brighton! I saw his picture in Stars ant/Stripes."
M*A*S*H
"— Ooh, a colonel. — Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"|didn‘t realize that we were carving on a full bird."
M*A*S*H
"Instead ofa local, we should have used something imported."
M*A*S*H
"Ah, you save that stuff for the sick guys."
M*A*S*H
"Listen, I‘m not kiddin‘. When that local wears off, you‘re gonna feel something."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s lovely. —just knock on the ”condemned” sign..."
M*A*S*H
"Ooh! Wow. That‘s great gin."
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s because it‘s aged. — Been cooking since 8:00 this morning."
M*A*S*H
"Listen, Buzz, you better use this cane."
M*A*S*H
"You don‘t think this is the first slug I‘ve picked up, do you?"
M*A*S*H
"All right, come on, fellas. When can I get back to my men?"
M*A*S*H
"Couple ofdays. You gotta take it easy. Mental rest is important too."
M*A*S*H
"Look, don‘t put me in the same league with the battle fatigue phonies."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve heard ofanxiety and overexposure to stress."
M*A*S*H
"But I don‘t believe Freud ever mentioned ”chicken.” Do you, Doctor?"
M*A*S*H
"I believe once, in describing his mother‘s soup."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll bet it got slowed down a little though, didn‘t it?"
M*A*S*H
"our surgery here‘s standing room only."
M*A*S*H
"Some real estate doesn‘t come cheap."
M*A*S*H
"Taking care ofyour outfit is a bit like making a house call..."
M*A*S*H
"at Custer‘s last stand."
M*A*S*H
"You know, you guys are really civilians."
M*A*S*H
"Right down to our yellow belly buttons."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m an army officer, and this war, you know, is not gonna last forever."
M*A*S*H
"With a little time left over to divide the Red Sea."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll leave that for the marines."
M*A*S*H
"Right."
M*A*S*H
"What do you say we put him to sleep and put the bullet back in his leg?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, he‘s a beauty."
M*A*S*H
"— We got us a real ringbanger here. — A what banger?"
M*A*S*H
"Didn‘t you see the way he kept banging his ring on the chair?"
M*A*S*H
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