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Clips from NewsRadio - Spooky Rapping Crypt (S05E05)

Oh, yeah? Okay, fine. You-- You-- You want to negotiate?

"Oh, yeah? Okay, fine. You-- You-- You want to negotiate?"

NewsRadio

All right. That's fine.

"All right. That's fine."

NewsRadio

[SHOUTING] I will bury you!

"[SHOUTING] I will bury you!"

NewsRadio

What was that?

"What was that?"

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Oh, it's just a standard opening move.

"Oh, it's just a standard opening move."

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Lisa ritually abused you in the break room?

"Lisa ritually abused you in the break room?"

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Yes. Don't you remember?

"Yes. Don't you remember?"

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Lisa Miller, ritual abuse, break room. No!

"Lisa Miller, ritual abuse, break room. No!"

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Okay, maybe this will jog your memory.

"Okay, maybe this will jog your memory."

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She decorated the whole room

"She decorated the whole room"

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with these huge, hideous orange heads

"with these huge, hideous orange heads"

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Sorta like jack-o'-lanterns?

"Sorta like jack-o'-lanterns?"

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Yeah, sort of, but much scarier, okay.

"Yeah, sort of, but much scarier, okay."

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and made me try to bite this evil fruit.

"and made me try to bite this evil fruit."

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Sorta like bobbing for apples.

"Sorta like bobbing for apples."

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Yeah, sort of.

"Yeah, sort of."

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We're all dancing around to this crazy song

"We're all dancing around to this crazy song"

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about monsters and vampires.

"about monsters and vampires."

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Sort of like the "Monster Mash".

"Sort of like the "Monster Mash"."

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Wait a minute. It's coming back to me. Yes.

"Wait a minute. It's coming back to me. Yes."

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It was a lot like the "Monster Mash"

"It was a lot like the "Monster Mash""

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It sounds like you suffered through quite an ordeal.

"It sounds like you suffered through quite an ordeal."

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It also sounds like you're talking

"It also sounds like you're talking"

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about the office Halloween party.

"about the office Halloween party."

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Nice try. We did not have

"Nice try. We did not have"

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an office Halloween party this year.

"an office Halloween party this year."

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Sure we did. You drank too much of Max's spookadelic punch.

"Sure we did. You drank too much of Max's spookadelic punch."

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You wound out making out with that girl from accounting

"You wound out making out with that girl from accounting"

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that smells like garbage.

"that smells like garbage."

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No, I think I woulda remembered that.

"No, I think I woulda remembered that."

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I think you should devote yourself to tormenting

"I think you should devote yourself to tormenting"

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the notorious ring leader of WNYX ritual abuse club.

"the notorious ring leader of WNYX ritual abuse club."

NewsRadio

Excellent.

"Excellent."

NewsRadio

Now, here we see how we work without profit sharing.

"Now, here we see how we work without profit sharing."

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It's pretty pathetic, huh?

"It's pretty pathetic, huh?"

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But here we see how we work with profit sharing.

"But here we see how we work with profit sharing."

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Wee.

"Wee."

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Well, that's very scientific.

"Well, that's very scientific."

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You understand. So we get it. Right? No way.

"You understand. So we get it. Right? No way."

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Mr. James, I represent the entire staff.

"Mr. James, I represent the entire staff."

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Max, does Beth represent you?

"Max, does Beth represent you?"

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No. And you're helping her because--?

"No. And you're helping her because--?"

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She's a cute girl with red hair.

"She's a cute girl with red hair."

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[♪]

"[♪]"

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Ha-ha. Matthew filled my purse with ketchup.

"Ha-ha. Matthew filled my purse with ketchup."

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Why would he do that?

"Why would he do that?"

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You don't wanna know. That's true.

"You don't wanna know. That's true."

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Well, well, well,

"Well, well, well,"

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Uh, no, nothing handy,

"Uh, no, nothing handy,"

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but I was gonna get French fries with my lunch

"but I was gonna get French fries with my lunch"

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if you wanna wait.

"if you wanna wait."

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Now you've forced me into it.

"Now you've forced me into it."

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I curse you, and your domain.

"I curse you, and your domain."

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Dave?

"Dave?"

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Why does Mr. James hate me?

"Why does Mr. James hate me?"

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Doesn't hate you, loves you.

"Doesn't hate you, loves you."

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No, he used to love me,

"No, he used to love me,"

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but now I ask him for one tiny, little thing

"but now I ask him for one tiny, little thing"

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and he treats me like the rest of you.

"and he treats me like the rest of you."

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Well, that sounds just terrible, Beth.

"Well, that sounds just terrible, Beth."

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Look, you know what?

"Look, you know what?"

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Just trust me on this, all right?

"Just trust me on this, all right?"

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And everything will be fine.

"And everything will be fine."

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No, Dave. This is about justice and doing what's right.

"No, Dave. This is about justice and doing what's right."

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I am fighting for the American dream, damn it.

"I am fighting for the American dream, damn it."

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The American dream is profit sharing?

"The American dream is profit sharing?"

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and a subscription to Playboy.

"and a subscription to Playboy."

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But how are we gonna get there without profit sharing?

"But how are we gonna get there without profit sharing?"

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Okay, Beth. Let me tell you

"Okay, Beth. Let me tell you"

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the whole story of what happened--

"the whole story of what happened--"

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Ah, Dave. When we-- Oh.

"Ah, Dave. When we-- Oh."

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Well, well, well,

"Well, well, well,"

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We meet again.

"We meet again."

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Oh, come on, honey, why don't you just give it up?

"Oh, come on, honey, why don't you just give it up?"

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I'm holding all the cards. You can't beat me.

"I'm holding all the cards. You can't beat me."

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Then I guess I have to play my ace.

"Then I guess I have to play my ace."

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Oh, yeah? And what is that?

"Oh, yeah? And what is that?"

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I quit.

"I quit."

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Can't do that.

"Can't do that."

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Can't.

"Can't."

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Well, it's nice to finally know how important I am around here.

"Well, it's nice to finally know how important I am around here."

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Fine, fine. Jus--Just see if I care.

"Fine, fine. Jus--Just see if I care."

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See if, see if I care. Hasta la vista, baby.

"See if, see if I care. Hasta la vista, baby."

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What are you doing?

"What are you doing?"

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Welcome to my little altar of terror.

"Welcome to my little altar of terror."

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Shoe's not so comfy when it's on the other foot, is it?

"Shoe's not so comfy when it's on the other foot, is it?"

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I'm just an impartial observer.

"I'm just an impartial observer."

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Put the voodoo doll over the fire.

"Put the voodoo doll over the fire."

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Oh, good idea. Here.

"Oh, good idea. Here."

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Hey, Lisa, anybody ever tell you you have a hot ass?

"Hey, Lisa, anybody ever tell you you have a hot ass?"

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Matthew, I did not ritually abuse you.

"Matthew, I did not ritually abuse you."

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Wait a minute.

"Wait a minute."

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I'm recovering another memory. Yes.

"I'm recovering another memory. Yes."

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I see you in your ceremonial finery.

"I see you in your ceremonial finery."

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Some kind of red sash, and-- And--

"Some kind of red sash, and-- And--"

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A pirate. I was dressed as a pirate for Halloween.

"A pirate. I was dressed as a pirate for Halloween."

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Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God."

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who smelled like garbage.

"who smelled like garbage."

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Ow!

"Ow!"

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And you can tell your little boyfriend,

"And you can tell your little boyfriend,"

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Joe, it is not funny.

"Joe, it is not funny."

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All right, all right, If I was you, I'd be pissed too.

"All right, all right, If I was you, I'd be pissed too."

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Thank you.

"Thank you."

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But since I'm me, I'm laughing my ass off.

"But since I'm me, I'm laughing my ass off."

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[CACKLING]

"[CACKLING]"

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Ow!

"Ow!"

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She-devil. Save that stuff for the freak.

"She-devil. Save that stuff for the freak."

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Dave, don't-- Don't you see how serious this is?

"Dave, don't-- Don't you see how serious this is?"

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No, she won't be back.

"No, she won't be back."

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She's got a little thing called pride.

"She's got a little thing called pride."

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All right. Why don't you stop being so stubborn

"All right. Why don't you stop being so stubborn"

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and give her her profit sharing?

"and give her her profit sharing?"

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Yeah, well, if I only could, Dave.

"Yeah, well, if I only could, Dave."

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But then I'd just be Jimmy the Caveman.

"But then I'd just be Jimmy the Caveman."

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Threaten to quit, he'll give you anything.

"Threaten to quit, he'll give you anything."

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Sir, I think exactly who

"Sir, I think exactly who"

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is being tortured right now is debatable.

"is being tortured right now is debatable."

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Don't you realize she's out there alone,

"Don't you realize she's out there alone,"

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prey to all the wolves that haunt

"prey to all the wolves that haunt"

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the mean streets of New York City?

"the mean streets of New York City?"

NewsRadio

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