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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - Gail (S03E03)

"What I have a problem with"
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"is every time her and Nandor get back together,"
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"she gets his hopes up"
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"that he can turn her into a vampire"
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"and they can be together for eternity."
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"And then she always says "no""
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"and then he always gets heartbroken."
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"It's the same thing over and over again"
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"for the past 40 years."
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"It really breaks my heart to see him like this."
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"All right, all right, my darling."
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"I mean, we all know you hate the woman."
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"That much is clear."
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"I like her!"
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"Ah, I may as well tell you."
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"Oh... for fuck's sake."
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"Is that what I think it is?"
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"No, it's not, you little pervert."
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"It's an engagement ring."
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"I'm going to give it to Gail this evening,"
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"then I'm going to turn her into a vampire,"
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"then we are going to be together for eternity."
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"NADJA: Mm-hmm."
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"LASZLO: He's been down there for hours,"
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"desperately trying to find out what he can"
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"about the origin of energy vampires."
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"Between you and I, though,"
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"I wouldn't normally spend this much time with him,"
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"but I figured the quicker he gets on with it,"
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"the quicker he'll shut his mouth."
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"I mean, there's tons of stuff down here"
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"about regular vampires,"
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"but almost nothing about energy vampires."
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"Ha-Have you found anything?"
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"Bat!"
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"[squeaking]"
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"So what am I looking for, exactly?"
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"I'm not sure."
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"- Could take years, though. - What the hell is that?"
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"COLIN: What-- What?"
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"- LASZLO: That book. - Just another book. I..."
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"No, no, no, no."
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"This particular book."
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"[chair scrapes]"
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"Cornelius Dong's Adventures"
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"-in the Boner Brigade. - Exactly."
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"That never came out in hardback."
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"Which means it's a fake."
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"[latch clacks hollowly]"
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"-[gears grinding] - COLIN: What the fuck?"
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"LASZLO: Shit."
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"My jalopy!"
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"- Your-- your what? - Here she is."
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"I-I didn't even know you could drive."
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"Well, I can."
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"I-I'm an excellent driver. Rain Man."
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"-[chuckles] - You are?"
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"Well, that's handy, 'cause I'm not."
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"And I'm banned, which is why it's been impounded."
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"The Vampiric Council confiscated my beloved jalopy"
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"to punish me for transporting miners across state lines."
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"I always wondered where they hid it away"
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"and it's been right under my nose the entire time."
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"What else do you want to know?"
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"One Yoplait here and then two up there."
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"How did you get this ring?"
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"I killed some virgins the other night,"
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"and one was wearing a promise ring."
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"I guess that's one promise he's going to keep."
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"-[chuckling] - NADJA: Ugh."
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"You desecrated a corpse."
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"Oh, who even knows what counts"
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"with young people these days?"
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"-[doorbell rings] - She's here!"
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"[Nadja groans]"
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"-[exhales] - Yeah, you're right. [laughs]"
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"You're not gonna get him to focus on anything"
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"for the Council, not while Gail's around."
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"And I totally agree."
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"Agree with what? I didn't say anything."
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"Oh, come on. We all know that you kind of think"
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"that Gail is a little bit of a big-time bitch."
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"I don't dislike Gail!"
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"Why does everyone think I dislike Ga--"
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"It's because we're women. That is so..."
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"Put your differences aside and just talk to her,"
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"- woman to woman. - About what?"
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"Look, I just don't want"
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"to see Nandor get hurt."
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"What am I sitting on?"
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"GUILLERMO: Oh. I'll take care of that, don't worry."
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"Shame it wasn't his face."
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"Ah. Is this good? Here? Whoa."
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"A fireplace. [laughs]"
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"Romantic."
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"["Night Moves" by Bob Seger playing]"
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"[Nandor vocalizing]"
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"GAIL: Nandor's an acquired taste, I'd say."
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"Like sardines, maybe."
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"Like, you're not sure that you're gonna like 'em,"
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"and then you try 'em"
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"and then you eat, like, five, six cans a day"
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"for a month straight and then suddenly"
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"you're like, "Welp, I think I'm sick of sardines now.""
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"But then, a few years go by, and you're like,"
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""How come I never eat sardines anymore?""
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"-♪ Trying to make some♪ -[Nandor vocalizing]"
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"-♪ Front page drive-in news...♪ [Nadja coughs] Oopsie."
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"[laughs] Sorry, I was"
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"just, uh... Didn't mean to, um..."
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"NANDOR: Oh, come in, come in."
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"We were just dancing in between rounds of cunnilingus."
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"- Hello, Gail. -[Nandor sighs happily]"
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"How have you been?"
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"Oh, you know. Fine."
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"My daughter, up in Rochester--"
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"- you know, the one in marketing? - So talented."
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"GAIL: Oh, God."
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"Well, her ex is just taking her to the cleaners."
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"And then this, on top of the rain that we've been having,"
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